Are forgiving and forgetting the same thing in my case?

A female age , anonymous writes:

I started living with my husband when our daughter was almost 2 years old. He would go to happy hour everynight after work at his favorite bar, he asked me not to come there unless he took me, he said it was his space, so i did what he asked. I started getting told that he was cheating on me, and saying bad things about me outloud in the bar when people would see him with other women kissing them and trying to get them to leave with him he would tell people that he didnt love me and that I only lived with him for our child, but when I told him what I had heard he got angry with me and told me I should never beleve anything any one told me about him and other women if I loved him. He said if he wanted to date other women or sleep with them he would be straight up with me and he told me he would never say those things about me becuase he loves me and would never have asked me to move in with him if he didnt love me. So I let it go but I kept getting the calls, so I went to the bar he was going to and as I walked in someone yelled my name I looked over and saw a woman stepping out from between my husbands legs and their arms coming from around each other. I asked what they were doing and he said just jugging an old friend. I found out later from that old friend he was trying to get her to go someplace where they could be alone. We got into a big arguement about it and he said if I just would have stayed away form there like he told me to and beleved what he said when he told me he dosnt cheat I never would have know what he was doing that day and we would still be getting along, so it was my fault I didnt trust him anymore. I left him for about two weeks, he told me oneday that he missed me and our daughter and wanted us to come back and that he would never cheat on me again. 6 months later he started arguing with me all of the time, about everything everything I did he would yell at me about, so we talked and we both decided it wasnt good for our daughter to see and hear that so much he said he wanted us to still be a couple because he loved me and he didnt want me to be with anyone else, and he said that he was hoping we could get married someday. Well I moved out then found out but we continued to be together and we were getting along really good , I ended up with a seriouse std gonerea. I confronted him and he said he had not cheated on me , I had found out he met somegirl in a laundromat and went out and got drunk with her and had sex with her, I went to his house one morning around 5 in the morning and she was there, I waited about 2 hours after she left and went inside to talk to him, I asked him if he had been cheating on me and he started screaming at me about how I was mesing things up because I just wouldnt beleve what he says, I told him he should be honest with me and told him he had already given me an std. He should not lie becasue if I wouldnt have found out, and stop having sex with him he would end up giving me HIV. He spit in my face he called me horrible names and told me how he loves me and my parinoia and disstrust in him was making our relationship a horrible one He screamed at me about how if I loved him I would just want him to be happy. I told him I wasnt coming back anymore, He got ahold of me about a year later and told me how he realized that I was the most improtant thing in his life and how he wanted me back he said he would get counseling and would never be how he was befor. So stupid me beleved him. Well I found A womans necklas in our bed a couple of months later that he said he had no clue about and then told me I must have put it there so I could start an arguement. He got a phone every Saturday night about 2:30 am and would say something like I'm just sitting here watching tv, no I'm really tired I'll get back with you later, He said it was a friend of his that wanted to come over after bar hours who just couldnt take a hint. I found out from the friend it was someone he had been having sex with right up to a week befor he asked me to come back to him and never even told her about me or our daughter, and he had been telling her how much he cared for her. He said it shouldnt matter because he decided that he wanted me back after he had dated around for a while. So I let it go. Then I went to stay with an old friend of mine for a couple of weeks so we could just hang out and go out and do things together. My guy said he thought would be a great idea. While I was there I started thinking about all the problems we had had and decided not to live with him anymore I decided that maybe I should date other people and find out if I could find someone who wouldnt be sleeping with other women all the time. I went back one morning and sat on the couch and woke him up and told him about my decision, he got up and started screaming at our little girl about how stupid I was for doing this to him and how much He loved me and how he could do everything for her and me, she was i guess about three by then and she was screaming and crying, i kept trying to get to her to leave and he would move in front of me to stop me then he turned and grabed the fort of my blouse and picked me up off my feet , took ahold of the front of my face and bashed my head into the corner of the wall well both sides of my head got it i blacked out for a few seconds i crawled around on the floor for a few minutes then I could see white then I could see dark figures then I could see things My daughter had my hand I stood up and went to the police department they took me to the hospital in an EMT I filed charges and he got away with it somehow I even ended up getting yelled at by the judge abouthow I was trying to ruin this man's life by filing charges against him that he could have lost his job and just went on about how I should appreciate the fact that he was willing to take care of my daughter and my self. And he got no punishment for it. The prosecuting attorney put a civil protection order against him and he had to not come home. well 2 months later I got an eviction order for me and our daughter. He had told his mother the court and everyon that our daughter was not his even though we had a test done and he had papers sayin the testin came out 99.99% when I showed his mother the papers she started crying and walked away. The court set up a visitation for him with our daughter I would drop her off at a safeplace and 1/2 hourlater he would come to visit her for 4 hours once a week with a security guard there. then he would leave and 1/2 hour later I would go pick her up. for 3 years he never came to visit her, one day she told me she want to go see him and ask him why. so i removed the protection order and took her to see him. he acted all happy to see us and when she asked why he didnt come her told her that he was unhappy and trying to get over what happend and that he couldnt drive thehour it took to get ther every sunday. then he talked to me and told me he didnt want us to break up and that he didnt come to see her because he knew he was messed up in the head and needed to stay away from us so he wouldnt hurt us anymore. He said he went to counseling and learned somethings about his self and wanted us to try again. He said he had anger management and learned it isnt right to do what he was doing with the cheating thing and he was sorry he gave me the disease and was actually putting my life in danger. He asked me to forgive him and to please give hime one more chance. He said if it didnt work this time he would never ask me to come back to him again. He ended up asking me to marry him , I had heard that he had cheatd on me agian but when I came to him about it he said I asked you to marry me , Well I married him. and we were getting along good then I found out that he had cheated on me several times befor we got married right up to two weeks befor and when I asked him why he did that to me again he said every man cheats as much as he can after he asks a woman to marry him so he can get his last days of sex with anyone befor he is stuck with the same woman for the rest of his life. He called me bad names and told me I shouldnt even have brought it up if I loved him I would have just beleved what he told me and not thought that he would be cheating on me, well now we have the worst marriage in the world, i cant forget all the times he has cheated on me and spit in my face and called me bad names because i brought it up to him and we dont get along at all. he says its my fault that we dont get along and that i wont have sex with him because I refuse to just beleve that he dosnt cheat on me anymore but he is a truck driver and only come home every 3 weeks and sometimes even though he has a mobile phone and bluetooth he dosnt call me for days and tells me he was busy. He has a job where he only drops trailers he dosnt do anywork but his morning paperwork andhis night paperwork and he puts stuff into the computer thing his place of employment has in the truck for him that they send him messages on. But he says I dont forgive him for what he has done and if I did I would just not worry about him cheating and would have sex with him when he comes home, I tell him I forgive everyone for everything they do but in his case he has done so much its hard to forget, now that I know he was doing it again that he has proven to me that he cant be trusted even after the counceling and telling me how he had learned that he was putting my life in danger by cheating on me with women he didnt even know ( he would just be sitting in a bar getting drunk meet some girl never knew her befor and have sex with her befor he came home.) He stopped drinking alcohol and going to bars because he said it was the dope and alcohol. and that he had a new look on things and his morrals had changed since he had stopped. But as I said He lied about all that too. He says we will never get along and be happy if I dont just let it go and be with him the way he wants me to. He says I have to forgive to forget and that the reason I dont forget is because i dont forgive him, I dont feel that is true I feel that I do forgive but I dont forget becuase He has proven not to be trusted with my life. when it comes to not cheating and possibly giving me more gonerea or HIV. I told him I will stay with him until our daughter turns 18 she is 11years old now. and then I am divorcing him he says that is a bad attitude and that we can never fix the problem we have if i dont just let the things he did go and just trust him not to cheat so we can have a good marriage. I need your opionion on this, please!!!! I found out I have herpes he said he knew he had it but it shouldnt matter to me that he gave me it because someone gave it to him and im no better than he is so I shouldnt complain i need to just except the fact that I have it and get over it. Even though he knew he had it when he had sex with me.He said if he cared about wether he gave it to me or not he wouldnt have, but the person who gave it to him didnt care if he got it so why should he care who he gave it to. But this is the man that says I need tojust trust him and just get over what he has done all of it. he says i should just let it all go because he did, he says he dosnt let it bother him so we can have a good relationship now if I would just let it go and forget it and just convince myself that he dosnt cheat on me we would be happy.

View related questions: cheated on me, drunk, herpes, kissing, lost his job, moved out, std

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