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Are all of my positive qualities "outweighed" by the way I look?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 July 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2008)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am 6 foot 18 years old dark haired. Unfortunately I am very overweight. My looks aren't bad for my weight, and I have good posture and can generally hold in my stomach. But it doesn't hide my weight.

I have been told that I am a really sweet guy by my closest female friend. If I have arranged to spend time with a girl I like,I make sure I've showered, shaved etc, nice clothes and so on.

When talking, I like to listen to what they have to say and try to be understanding. I've also been told by girls and am aware myself of being kind, thoughtful and very intelligent.

What more if anything can I do? Would all my positive qualities be outweighed (no pun intended) by the way I look?

View related questions: overweight

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2008):

I don't really agree with the guy below me..

And take it from me, because I am a girl

Do not try to be an "asshole" thinking it will get a girl; that is NOT THE CASE AT ALL. You sound very sweet, and I and every girl I know would kill for sensitive qualites in a guy like the ones you describe..

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

Nice guys finish last. Girls like assholes, especially at that age.

I'm not saying the fat isn't a problem too. But being too nice is its own issue that would still be costing you girls even if you lost every ounce of fat on you.

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A female reader, Torianne United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2008):

Torianne agony auntFrom the sound of things you have 95% of the package. And believe me, I know most women that would love their bloke to have 95% of the package. If you feel you need to lose weight, do it for YOU!

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (13 July 2008):

O Connor agony auntoh my god you are such a cutie! and you sound like such a nice guy - which is obviously something that others are aware of. dont worry about your weight unless its slowing you down or is posing a threat to your health. if you do feel really down about yourself then just take things slow, eat healthier and try walking more places instead etc etc. but hun personality always outshines looks in the long run so hold that head high and be confident!!! email me if you want xxx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2008):

Unfortunately, most people at your age are more focused on shallow things like appearance. That's the bad news. The good news is that you're young yet. Your weight is an issue you can work to improve. And as you get older, the girls will get less shallow. Also, you have the advantage of being an overweight /man/ - women are far more forgiving of physical shortcomings in their partners than men are. Heck, my ex-boyfriend had boobs almost as big as mine! But he was still attractive to me. I'm overweight myself and I've found a new man who is crazy about me and who thinks I'm hot, hot, hot! I've no doubt, given how your personality comes across here, that you'll find someone great. Just hang in there, have faith, keep on being the kind, attentive, intelligent guy you are and take some steps to get you weight down a little if you think that's what's getting in your way.

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A female reader, kurlyq2121 United States +, writes (13 July 2008):

kurlyq2121 agony auntFrom what you're saying, you sound like an amzing guy[not like the ones i know lol] But don't worry about your weight it's totally fine. Everyone is different and No one can be perfect. But if you self conscious about your weight just cut out a few things and maybe eat better. I've had an overweight problem and now I'm very healthy. Trust me your perfect girl is out there, and she won't care if your over weight. =]

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (13 July 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntOh, you just made an almost exact description of my brother!

Like hlskitten said, some people will be put off by your weight and not even consider your other qualities. But you know what? Those people are not even worht it because they were shallow enought to see you only by how you look than by how you really are. There are many girls who would love a guy like you and will probably even notice your weight (and probably will find it sexy!).

The key here is to feel confident. If you really show you're uncomfortable in your own skin, then people will not be comfortable with your skin either. Accept yourself on how you are and be proud because of it! People will perceive that from you and they will be found attracted to you.

If you think you should lose weight but only because you want to and/or for health reasons, then you could check into a gym and start working out. The good thing about your height is that your weight is not much of a problem and you will actually look like you have some extra muscle. Again, if your weight bothers you, some good excersise will help you.

Good luck with everything!

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A male reader, OhLawdWhat DoIDo United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2008):

OhLawdWhat DoIDo agony auntActually I'd say your situation right now is looking very good. If your weight is your biggest "negative" then youre on a good track simply because it is a problem that is very easy to rectify. Exercise and the weight will fall off you.

It can be a turn-off for some girls Im sure but as previous posters have said it will bother some people more than others. As long as you dont let it get to you youll do fine.

If you want help losing weight then send me a mail, although not professionally qualified in any way I have read more articles than I care to think about on getting fit.

Best of luck whatever your decision!

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (13 July 2008):

hlskitten agony auntAll ways about us will be a stumbling block to different people. Your size might put someone off, much like my curly hair might put someone off me. Thats what makes the world go round, we all like different things.

Just continue being you.

C xxxxx

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