A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Help me out here mums and dads if you can. I have a 13 year old son and an 11 year old daughter. My daughter is probably more mature than my son, but aren't girls usually?She gets up in the morning before him, she makes her own packed lunch because she enjoys it, yet he has to be nagged to do everything, I make his packed lunch, he always asks me to make him a sandwhich, when I say you're old enough to do it yourself, he doesn't bother and eats a snack chocolate bar. I ask him if he has homework and he lies, and ends up with numerous lunch time detentions. He is extrememly intelligant so its a shame! Whereas my daughter isn't quite on the same level academically, but she does her homework the day she gets it without anyone asking.Its starting to really p me off the way he is. I drive them 5 miles to a good school everyday because I want them to have a good education, wheras the kids round here have to get themselves to rubbish schools in the area. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. He stinks because he doesn't want to shower. I have to nag him to actually get in there. His dad does too. Its embarrassing.Yet I pop to the pub which is literally next to my house, you could spit further, once a week. But usually only once every other week when the kids go to their dads for the weekend. Today me and my brother popped in there for 2 hours, he treated me because I got a new job today. I was in there between 5 and 7. And my teen strolls round to the beer garden giving me evils, moaning that I couldn't afford mcdonalds for them but could afford the pub(even though they had one tuesday, which is always mcdonalds day, but I had said if I get the job today I will get them Mcdonalds as a treat, but I didn't find out at the interview, wasn't til about 4.30p, and I had cooked them tea by then) I said excuse me, Adam(my brother)asked me to pop in there, I said no because I was skint, and he said he will buy me a couple. Which he did. I didn't take a penny with me in there. Ive spent on my brother numerous times in the past. Its rare he treats anyone to any drinks!People have told me I need to nip this in the bud, my son trying to call the shots and tell me what I should be doing. They say he thinks he's the man of the house, which in theory he is, but he's only 13!I'm a single parent and they only see their dad every other weekend, which to be honest, everyone is happy with because he doesn't ever let them down.Anyone else got a teen that is lazy and controlling? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (12 October 2008):
 Well at the end of the day just stick to your guns and don't let him see you give in at any point.
Once you make the rules make sure he follows them otherwise you will be back to explaining why you were at the pub and not buying his McD's.
Like I said before if he wants to stink then refuse to enter his bedroom or wash his clothes. I wonder who tidy's his room as well. Get him to earn some pocket money or allowance if he prefers that term. Make him work around the home to get it as well, even if it is taking the bins out once a week, if he knows the value of money then he might just start to realise that mum is not made of money. He is too young to get a part time job in most things now but if he earns it by washing your car etc and also treat your daughter the same so when he sees that she is getting money for doing stuff he might just follow suit.
If you give in now you will give in until he is 30 or above and he is at an age where you can still get the better of him otherwise he will learn that he can take what he wants and get away with it. He can also talk to you how he likes to and that just isn't right.
Wish you luck and stay strong sweetheart.
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks folks, you've been a good help xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Excellent Fade, I have nothing more to add... He needs to take responsibility for himself, and you need to let go. At the moment he sees no reason to do anything, he knows that you will always clear up his mistakes, and will always be there to protect him. Sorry babes, but this is no good. He can't be dependant on his mum, he needs to grow up to be a strong young man. If he won't wash, then let him stink. Stop reminding him, stop nagging him. Explain to him that he is unpleasant to be around, and tell him that he people will make fun of him at school, and he will lose friends if he decides not to wash. Then leave him to it. He'll learn soon enough, and like Fade has said, rewards have to be earned. Never reward good behaviour. If he won't do as you say, then you should have little consideration for his feelings either. It's a matter of respect.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Thanks. I know deep down I am too soft. I take after my mum too mch. She is the most wonderful mum ever, but boy oh boy was she soft. Not so much on us (me and older sister) but my younger brother. He ruled the roost after me and my older sister left home and she ended up not being able to date anyone, becase he made the guys lives so miserable. It does seem the boys in our family like to be in charge. I remeber him holding his hand out to take the rice crispies she had made him whilst he sat on his but, and he was atleast 20 by then!
Thankfully my 2 dont gang up on me. My daughter is usually sticking up for me. Even though as a rule they are quite close siblings.
Sometimes he can be so lovely my son, but other times he frustrates me so much. I bought him body spray ages ago, and its still not all gone!
I know really i need to toughen up!
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (10 October 2008):
I have to say that NO I don't have a teenager who is controlling only a 7 and a half year old daughter who thinks she is a lot older than she is about 15 actually most of the time.
However I do have 3 teenage nieces, twins who are now 19, one with a fiance and the other one with her bf and then I have a 16 year old niece.
The 16 year old plus the 19 year olds all put their mother (my sister) through hell and when the 19 year olds were younger she had double trouble as it was like 2 on 1 at the time, she however made sure they knew who was boss though even though I thought she was sometimes harsh but it has paid off in the long run and they love and respect their mum to the hilt now and the 16 year old has had her ups and downs and she was terrible with cleanliness and laziness and never doing her homework but she lost privileges and I am a strong believer that at the end of the day you are the parent and they are the child.
Your son has NO right to come and chase you down and moan about his McDonald's. Keep the chocolate bars out of sight and if he doesn't want to make his sandwiches let him go without, tell him to make them the night before so he is not rushed in the morning, give him incentives if that is what he needs. Your rules, your incentives but so long as it is fair for both him and his sister.
If he refuses to wash then refuse to wash his clothes and let him explain it to his mates at school. Buy him a roll on deodorant and maybe he might think, just leave it in his room as males don't always realise they need things like that, believe me my ex had to be jogged once but he never needed it twice.
It seems to me like when your son caught you at the pub you ended up giving him a full blown explanation which is not something you should have to do, it is none of his business what you as the adult do in your life with YOUR brother.
Get your ex to also be on the same page as you and then if he normally treats him every other weekend make sure he holds back until your son toes the line. Let your son know that unless he bucks up his ideas things will not change and you will only bring back privileges and treats when he starts to act responsibly. He is purely rebelling right now but there comes a time for all of us to say enough is enough.
I must admit though that I do think boys feel like it is mum's role to pander them and they don't want to be seen as the sissy. However, if as mum's we pander our boys too much then it is the woman in their lives later on who suffer ultimately.
Keep us posted eh! Stand firm and stand strong sweetheart, you do get through it as my sister can testify honestly.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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