A
female
age
41-50,
*indalinda
writes:Shy and geeky guys, please helpI met this very nice guy through online dating. We had two dates and it seems that he is very shy and geeky. He kept talking about work and his coworkers. Most topics I brought up he can eventually brought back to his work. And after two dates, we still did not exchange phone numbers. But he gives me flowers each time he saw me. Immediately after each date, he sent me nice emails say how nice the date was and asked me out again. It is a little weird that he did not exchange phone number with me. It is also interesting that he is young and a genius at his work and a great leader, a ton of people under his guidance. But personal life, no confidence? Can guys be conflicted like this?Any tips how to talk to this kind of guy and make them more open to me?
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co-worker, confidence, flowers, shy Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2011): Ask him for his number.
Setup a comfortable date. Like taking him out to the beach and once your there go swim together or build a sand castle or dig a hole. The thing you do is not important, you want to do something fun that the two of you can do together so that he can relax and be comfortable around you.
And if things aren't moving fast enough or you feel the time is right kiss him or go in for the kiss and see if he follows your lead.
Shy guys don't like leading they will do it if they have to or if it's in the area that they are confident about. I'd say the ball is in your court the only question is will you take the lead or wait for him?
A
female
reader, lindalinda +, writes (22 September 2011):
lindalinda is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice. It is really weird. He asked me to go lunch and zoo this coming Saturday last week. I responded his email earlier this week and said I would love to go to lunch and zoo with him this coming Saturday morning (Sept, 24). I also give him my phone number and told him to feel free to give me a call. But I have not get any confirmation or response from him yet.I do not understand this, even a friend or coworker will confirm an appointment when the time gets closer. If I do not get any response by Friday night, What should I do? I do not feel like going to the zoo with him any more. (In the past, I have been very nice to guys and was treated like a doormat)
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I used to be the same way. He just needs time to get comfortable with you. The reason he's talking about work is because it's a safe topic - he feels comfortable and confident about it, and it's unlikely you'll think less of him for being good at work. If, for instance, he enjoys something geeky in his free time (WoW, SciFi books, whatever), he will be unlikely to mention it to you, simply because his experience would tell him that even associating with those things will make women think less of him. That comes across to outsiders as blank spots in his life, like something is missing, because he doesn't even hint at it.
It's not so much a confidence issue as a social one. He needs time to open up to any new person; his comfort zone takes a while to grow.
As for the phone thing, he may just have experienced chicks as being really flaky about phone calls and less so about email. You know the Rules Girl types, "Never call him first and rarely call him back." They ruin it for the rest of you. Ask for his number and go ahead and call him first, preferably the next day.
Just show that you're interested by reaching out to him, and by reacting positively when he reaches out to you, and he'll relax soon enough.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): Just go with the flow and all that matters is he keeps asking to see you again...a very good sign. Don't pressure him to open up and just have fun while you are with him and eventually, he will get to know you and feel more comfortable!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 September 2011):
 Some guys have a very myopic view of life... In the case of your geeky friend, it's predictable that he is SO in to his tech- and electronic world that he has not looked much, if at all, at the "outside" world... so, when you and he talk, he is only capable of discussing "worldly" matters as he can reflect them in to his own world... his COMFORT ZONE of discourse...
You will probably have to endure this part of him for the duration of the time that you and he spend together. You CAN (and should, IMHO) seek to do activities that expose him more to the "outer world" ... but don't be surprised if he doesn't morph in to a more well rounded guy except over a very long time...
Good luck....
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