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Am I wrong, to want to know what happened between my bf & his ex??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 March 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 8 March 2012)
A age 30-35, anonymous writes:

me and my boyfriend were in tesco the other day and we saw his ex! it was weird she followed us round the store, I dont know much about his ex as when i ask him he says he doesnt want talk about it, ive asked my mum too coz i thought it was weird that he doesnt want fo talk about and she said its none of my business! this upset me a bit

am i wrong to want to know what happened with them? he told me that shes crazy and told people that he used to hit her (which isnt true he wouldnt hurt a fly, hes lovely to me do anything for me)! but thats all hes really told me

he comes out with little bits sometimes like he got himself cereal and she went mental coz he didnt ask if she wanted any he said he finished with her that day and im thinking what if he finishes with me if we argue, i keep asking him u think we will be together for a long time and hes says yes of course and that he wants to marry me one day but im still thinking i have no idea how he felt bout his ex and would he want to end it with me orr if he felt he wanted to marry her too at the time

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yer i guess men dont talk about things as much as women, i mean i have told him how much more i love him to my ex because i doo! i guess he doesnt need it like i doo, if he asked me anything id answer it but thats just me, i want to be open with him although he never really asks me!

guess ur right im just curious and wish he would be more open with me but im not going to push it

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2012):

How he describes her- she's unbalanced. Could suffer a perosnality disorder. Either way- he has no reason or excuse to HIT her so that he did and doesn't want to talk about it; I'd say he has tendancies that need to be addressed via counselling.

Not talking about it also means, not healing from a toxic, abusive relationship. So he will need some individual therapy.

I don't like he is keeping it under wraps as you don't know if he will do the same things to you or not.

Since you seem to not be unbalanced and 'crazy' perhaps he does feel safe to be in love with you and sees a life of happiness.

Hmm. I'm with you. The information he gave to you is controlled. Thats suspect and not at all honest or forthright. Thats what is bothering you now. It doesn't jive.

I say to advise him to get individual therapy and get you both some couples counselling to address current concerns and come up with OUR HOME RULES of LOVE and RELATIONSHIP PRIORITIES.

In the end, there should be NO SECRETS between a Man and Woman in love. Not One. Secrets have a power to render apart a loving couple.

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A male reader, Uncle PJ  +, writes (8 March 2012):

Uncle PJ agony auntIt's natural to be curious about your boyfriend's ex, but I wouldn't get too hung up on it if I were you. A lot of guys usually just want cut and run when a relationship is over. That way they can move on quicker without hanging onto the past or the hurt of leaving a loved one.

Your boyfriend was probably doing the same and that may be why he doesn't really want to talk about it. There could also have been some really bad moments between them that he really doesn't want to relive.

It's probably a good thing that he isn't interested in talking about his ex. It means that he isn't hung up on her and only has his life set on you, so take that as a compliment. As I said, it's natural that you're curious but you may have to stay that way and just focus on your relationship. I hope this helps and wish you a very happy relationship.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (8 March 2012):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntIF you press him to provide details about "what happened" between him and his ex- you can be pretty sure that he'll pose it in just the way he thinks you'd like to hear it...

I suggest that you keep quiet about the matter.... let him put it behind him.... and... if it comes up in the future (if HE brings it up).... remain quiet and listen to what he has to say.

Otherwise, silence is golden....

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