A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I have done a lot of favors for --I have helped her out with her daughter a lot, picking her up at school, keeping her after school, during their son's ballgames, etc. We also have invited this girl over to play after school, on days off, etc., since she is the same age as one of my daughters. I feel slighted because my daughter is almost never invited back. They recently had a birthday party for their daughter, and my daughter was invited to that. If I needed a place for my girls to go, or if they need a ride, my friend would be happy to do that. There are several things to take into consideration here. First of all, my friend is very task-oriented, if you know what I mean. I guess, to say it more simply, she is more into things than into people, or into things first. She does not seem to think that a lot of interaction is necessary. Second of all, my daughter who is the same age as her daughter, is very shy and kind of stands back. So, in all honesty, if my friend's daughter needed a friend to go somewhere with, my daughter would probably not be her first pick. Although, classes are very small, and there are only four girls altogether. Does anyone have any opinion on this? Am I wrong to feel slighted? Or should I look at this as it being her daughter's decision who she wants to invite? I know this mom very well, as I have helped her out a lot, so I have mentioned this fact to her. She then did reciprocate a time or two.I guess what hurts my feelings is not that my daughter is not invited a lot, but more that if her daughter needed a friend to go somewhere with, I feel that my daughter would not be asked. Since she is more shy, I worry a lot about her being left out. She plays fine at home when she invites a friend over, but at school when all of the girls are together, it seems that she is left out, and it really hurts me to see this. It's not that they leave her out on purpose, but more that the other girls are so much more bouncy and outgoing, and she is just kind of left out. I have talked to professionals, and they have told me that as long as she is happy, which she is, she is fine and I should not worry. But I worry anyway.Does anyone have any advice or suggestions? I would really appreciate any help you could give me.Hurt in Hallsville
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I would talk to the mother and let her know that you were curious about why your daughter never gets invited. I would act like its not something you take personally but more out of curiosity and why. Is she too shy? Does her daughter have better friends? You may mention that if she could help out and include your daughter it may help with some of the shyness. Let her know you are worried as a parent and I think she'll give you honest answers.
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