A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I told my friend I was going to a social event this weekend. She asked if I wanted her to go with me and I made a joke about her cramping my style as I am going with 2 men friends. They asked me and they dont know her and I'm just a bit conscious that as she is old enough to be their mother, they might not particularly want her to tag on. I'm not sure I want her to tag on as she's been with me to all sorts of events recently and I'd like to branch out and see some different people. Am I wrong to exclude her? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think I've upset her. She's been a bit off with me since I said this. I don't think she has called me once. We have spoken on the phone though and we were OK but I sensed an edge. I dont think what i said was that bad at all. if someone said it to me i would not be bothered. Am i being insensitive?
A
female
reader, cindy888  +, writes (12 June 2009):
she's wrong to invite herself! Tell her maybe next time but the three of you need to catch up and you don't want her to feel excluded, hint hint. If she doesn't take that hint then she's just being rude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Get real! If she is old enough to be your mates' mothers, isn't she that old to you? And if they told you to dump her, wouldn't you? Quit wasting her time and yours by extending hope to her, you're through with her - so man up and be real!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): In reply to your new question: It won't be easy but you should tell her they said 'no' (Over the phone of course). That should make her think it twice before asking again when she has not been invited. Say they are very jealous and don't want to 'share you' with no other friend this weekend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I believe you are not wrong to exclude her. It's your right to go out with different people. Maybe it's time for you to demonstrate to your friend you are willing to go out with other people without her. Try to keep your agenda to yourself and then tell her you went to different places with other friends so she would get the message.
I feel bad for her because I believe she might be feeling a little lonely right now, just like myself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRef TalkingHelps . . . She put me on the spot and I couldn't think of anything better to say. Also, if I asked them I would be putting them under pressure to say yes. I can hardly go back to her and tell her they said 'no' can I?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): If you had told her that you'd ask them, then later you would have had to go back and say "they said no" and that would hurt her feelings more than being friendly and jokingly about it.
~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): No, you're free to go places without her. It's good to go with different people.
As long as you're not pretending to be her friend and talking about her in mean ways to your other friends, but it doens't sound like that at all.
Don't worry about it.
~SY.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2009): I think that it was wrong to exclude her in that way, as in joking about cramping her style , you should have said il ask them
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A
female
reader, nancyhasglasses +, writes (11 June 2009):
You are not wrong to exclude her, she is wrong to have invited herself. She should have understood that if you wanted her along, you would have invited her. Also, it's understandable to not want to see the same friends everyday, if she's hungup about not tagging along with you, you might want to re-evaluate how good a friend she is.
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