A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What is everyone's opinion about a partner who holds onto things from their previous relationships? My boyfriend has a picture of his ex girlfriend and in it she's naked. It's an artsy sort of pic, and she is all blurred out, but still. Also, he has an old vibrator of hers (oh god!) and it's just laying there in a box of junk in our storage room. He says that their relationship was part of his life and it's part of who he is, and I get that, but what's the point of holding on to these things? He never even looks at them, and he hasn't spoken to the girl herself for many, many years. But, he won't throw them out. Am I wrong here?
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female
reader, cindy888 +, writes (12 June 2009):
If he never looks at them then I don't see what the big deal is. I have all my exe's stuff in one big box in my attic and no one's ever asked me to throw it out or even looked through it. He doesn't want to throw it out so don't pressure him or he'll get resentful. Just let him know you think its a bit creepy and when he's ready, he'll get rid of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Well, a lot of people would not keep things like that, ...because they never had things like that! People like momentos, but part of letting go, is letting go of things. We all have memories and you can keep those without keeping "Things" or to choose more appropriate things to keep, can you negotiate throwing out the objectionable items in the box and keeping others?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): I have a "box" from a past relationship, that I don't look at anymore, but I wouldn't want to get rid of it either. It was a really great relationship and I don't realy want to completely forget about it ever. I am over it, but will never forget it. It reminds me not only of him, but of the me that was with him. I agree with the other poster though, that the items he has kept are odd. Mine has letter, ticket stubs and pictures from prom and whatnot- all fully clothed. But to each their own. He doesn't look at them and its not causing a problem, so why turn it into one?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): Well...I won't...do those things but I guess everyone has their own way of keeping a memory. When I talked to my ex and she went on and on about her past I couldn't bare to hear it but she said it was good memories and that's all. So I just learned to accept it. I'm sure women keep past objects as well and not just memories so it's a little different. And well a vibe...yeah really different. But he isn't with his ex he is with you and he loves you and those are just objects of his past. Don't we all keep objects from the past? To an even bigger extent he's not even obsessed with the objects but you are so maybe you aren't "wrong" but maybe just accept it because yur the one with the problem. He doesn't look at them or talk to his ex so I mean...you may be making this a bigger deal than it needs to be.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2009): It is very normal and humanly for poeple to want to have somethign to hang on to from people in their past, but these items are not appropriate. They usually include a couple pics (CLOTHED), an old letter, a stuffed animals, etc.
I have no idea why he has chosen those particular items. It sounds abnormal to me.
~SY.
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