A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Its not relationship but i need help.3 years ago my brother killed somebody and is in prison. He had 2 children. his former girlfriend went on to have another child. so in may 2007 she killed somebody too (he was trying to break into the house and she hit him over the head) so now she is in prison, as for the children it was either they go into care or my mum takes them in, this was the May, i should have started uni in the sept, its very complicated but long story short, my mum took the children in, and we had to move, i did go to uni but for 2 months as it didnt fit in with the children. I am very angry that i have had to put my life on hold because of the mistakes of my brother and his ex girlfriend made. I know that they are family and i shouldnt be so selfish but i am 19 and doing nothing, i tried to work but every job i got my mother wasnt happy with because it meant she had to take the kids places instead of me. the kids are 5 3 and 1 we had the 1 year old since she was 6 weeks. Ive lost all my friends because i cant go out becuase i have to pick the kids up, or put them to bed, or be here in the morning to make breakfast for them.Its really beginging to annoy me, the mother comes home on tuesday and i have told my mum once she is back i am having nothing to do with the children, i will be in the same house and obviously play with them and stuff just like i have been but as for looking after them then no i am not. My mum started calling me selfish and saying that i cant just forget about them, when in fact all i want to do, is get a job start going out again and just general teenage stuff. Its so complicated, i have lost my friends, boyfriend, education, my job(s) all because of the kids!Am i wrong to be a little angry?! or am i just being really selfish!
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, in jail Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 January 2010):
No, you're not. Your brother killed someone, and his ex managed to do the same. You're right to be angry because this is not your mess at all. And for your mum to call you selfish really is despicable. I know she's finding it hard, but this has nothing to do with you. This will sound harsh towards your family, and I don't want you to take it the wrong way, but the fact is you have a murderer, a person who committed manslaughter and a mother who has decided because it's more difficult for her it has to be for you too. I honestly recommend that you look to go to uni this year, no matter what.
A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (9 January 2010):
Your frustration is understandable; it is difficult to feel sympathetic to children who are not your own. I actually commend you for having done your best to help despite you not being happy about it. We all know how traumatic foster care is and you and your mum did the right thing taking them in.
However, you no longer have a problem because from next week their mother will be there for them anyway so problem solved and you can work on getting your life back. I just want to also say that don't forget that the kids are innocent. They did not choose to be born nor did they choose to have murderers for parents. If you should be angry with anyone, it should be with their parents. Although you won't need to be there for them regularly anymore, I encourage you to control your anger and frustration in front of them. When we grow up, we all remember with love the people who went out of their way to be kind and loving; and equally, we all remember an evil aunt or uncle who made our lives miserable. So as hard as it is after what you have been through (especially the kids) don't forget to give them the occasional kiss or pat or maybe even 'icecream with auntie' every once in a while. The effort will be worth it in a few short years when they are all grown up. All the best.
...............................
|
