A
female
age
41-50,
*ovelygal
writes:Hello. I am in a dielmma and need some advice. I recently connected with my first love through facebook and we got together. It went so well but the problem is now that he is going through a legal nightmare from years ago and is now in jail. He led a rough life when he was young and made really stupid choices and so did I. He has since turned everything around went back to school and is now a professional chef. He is a good job which he is now i am sure going to lose and owns his own house. The legal issues involve child support inforcement and the fact that he did not report something with medical coverage on his very sick son. Mind you his ex wife is not seeing any charges. I have always loved this man and am willing to wait for him. Is this stupid for me to do so. I dont even know any criminals and now i find myself in love with a prison inmate. Wow. Some advice please.
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ex-wife, facebook, his ex, in jail Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, inluvwlaw +, writes (25 February 2011):
If you truly care for this man, stay with him. Take this time to finally look at yourself and figure out what exactly you want out of a relationship. It's not a bad thing that you're going out with a man that is dealing with his life problems. Give it a chance and see where it goes, but stay focused on yourself and do not lose sight of what is ahead. Hold on to your seat girl and be strong. Do not give up.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 February 2011):
 Well 6 months isn't that long, but I would advise you take it very slowly when he gets released. Make sure he wants to AND stays on the straight and narrow. Best of luck, I wish my husband was a chef, he called me at work to ask how to boil an egg the other day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): 6 months?
At least he will be safe, my hubby will be spending 7 months in Afghanistan which is just like serving a prison sentance!, count urself lucky u know where he is and that his safety is accounted for
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2011): Dear Lovelygal,
Unfortunately this is a question that only you can answer. And if you are completely sure that this guy is what you think he is and can forgive his mistakes then who is anyone else to judge?
However this isn't a decision you should come to lightly or irrationally. You say this man is your first love. Understandably, that means you have a fondness towards him. But could it be that you have romanticised him as we so often do with people from our past? Is it logic or nostalgia which makes you trust him? Secondly, people change as they grow up, and how well do you know really know him as an adult? While number of things may have changed about him by now, and while it is hard to be objective try looking at the situation from a detached point of view where you can. Are you sure this guy is trustworthy and worth the wait? Or are you hoping to recreate that first love feeling? Hard questions to ask I admit.
Finally whatever decision you come to do consider, that even if you were sure about all of the above, of his innocence even, waiting for a man is going to be lonely and often painful. Put yourself first, it's a sacrifice noone should have to make, especially in the midst of doubt.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, lovelygal +, writes (24 February 2011):
lovelygal is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI will be in for 6 months.
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A
male
reader, firstlovelastlove  +, writes (24 February 2011):
 "I recently connected with my first love" "I have always loved this man" "Am I stupid for wanting to wait for him?" I do not think you are "stupid" for wanting to wait for him.
Consider this: because "He led a rough life when he was young" while you were searching for him you found out he had passed away.
My first love got in touch with me after many years. There was a "wait" involved and I had to move 1,000 miles but we are so happy now. I truly wish you two the very best!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 February 2011):
How long is he going to be in the slammer?
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