A
male
age
26-29,
*hekidamidstall
writes:Well my relationship with my girlfriend was very happy in the beginning, and we both felt really happy to be around each other. She gave me a good amount of attention and affection to me and i did the same for her. However these past couple of weeks we haven't been able to really interact with each other that much at all, especially not in a way i felt there was that happiness like there was in the beginning. I've been feeling okay with it because i respect that she has her own life and she needs to tend to it, and she has a sleeping disorder (we don't know yet she hasn't gotten it checked out) and we cant talk really after school because she knocks out really early as of lately(usually at around 8:00). Simply she's really busy and she's unable to talk that late after school, and i don't really let that bother me. Only a couple of days ago she came to me telling me she felt bad because she felt as if she was neglecting me quite a bit. She really wants to spend time with me this weekend, so that is something positive. But that day she told me this she said something else, and it really bothers me. She told me she does have a tendency to be inattentive towards the other partner in a relationship, saying that she sometimes "half asses" it. She tells me she knows of this and wants to work on that, so i always consider that.I've always noticed that she's so easily distracted by her friends and often spontaneously runs off to them for quite a bit and I feel as if she completely forgets about me for that period of time. This has bothered me a bit in the beginning but i tried not to let it, because i know she should interact with her friends. However, ever since she mentioned these things to me those couple of days ago, I cant help but feel sad about this. Now whenever she instantly jumps to her friends, i dont feel as if I'm special to her and that she focuses so much on them and forgets about me almost entirely. I keep getting this feeling that I, and our relationship more importantly, will always be one of the last things that she will consider important to her. And i also end up feeling that she doesn't give me the affection that I would like at times, because i often am affectionate with her. Basically i feel neglected (as she put it) and i want that feeling of being loved. I basically feel this way now as i type this and even moreso when I'm around her at school (which isn't very often for that matter). Am i being needy because i want more affection and some more attention from her, or would i be an unreasonable jerk for doing so? I cant help but also feel the latter, because i know very well she cares about spending time with me and her whole "inattentiveness" (as she put it).
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female
reader, Moraghlouise  +, writes (15 December 2010):
Talk with her and tell her your concerns. Sometimes people feel that telling the other person their issues (for example, sometimes I "half ass" relationships) excuses their behavior. It doesn't! In fact the fact that she is aware of what she is doing and doing it anyway, is disrespectful. Maybe she isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. Talk to her about that. Talk to her about what you need in a relationship with her, and what you expect from her, and what she expects from you. If you can't match on these things, or agree to work on them, it may be time to move on.
Hard to accept - but if you like being miserable in a relationship, you are in a good place, if you want to be happy in a relationship, something is going to need to change.
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