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Am I right to worry about losing him in the future or should I just focus on now and whatever happens later, happens?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 June 2018) 1 Answers - (Newest, 5 June 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

Hi, I need some advice about me and my boyfriend. Everything's perfect at the minute but there's that risk of a long distance relationship coming between us.

I'm gonna be speaking in code abit just so I don't give away too much about myself and ruin the whole purpose of this page.

CODES:

- City 1 (my city)

- City 2 (where I go for university, where I met my boyfriend and where my boyfriend grew up and lives now)

- City 3 (where he plans on going to university next year).

- I am in my first year of university (I'm 18) and he's 19 but starting university in 2019.

So here's the thing. We met in October last year, so I'd say just after the whole Freshers time was over. For a while we stayed as just friends which was cool, he never tried anything with me and I liked that because it showed he respected me. Around November/December we decided we liked eachother and wanted to get closer (which we did slowly) and then he asked me to be his girlfriend towards the end of January. Ever since then, things have gone great, I'd say we're just past the "honeymoon" phase now, where we're still crazy about eachother, but yano it's more real, we argue sometimes, we make up etc.

As I've mentioned, I'm from city 1 and he's from city 2 - neither of us drive yet so that's an hour on the train, which doesn't seem that bad. Except now that it's summer, we see eachother much less than we're use to, and although we both vowed to talk on the phone atleast once a day (even just for 5 minutes, or for hours) and to video call every other day, it's not the same as being together in each others arms. It's kind of hard because this is my first relationship, he's had a few before but only one serious relationship before me. I've therefore never experienced a LDR but so far I don't mind it, like I would never break up with him over it because I really do love him and he loves me the same. But he's told me that he's always tried to avoid LDR's, and now I'm getting scared that he thinks us living in different cities is too much.

To make it harder, next year, he's thinking of going to university in city 3, which is a good 2 1/2 hours on the train from both our cities. I don't think either of us will be able to afford regular transport to come and see eachother and now I'm terrified that our relationship won't make it through. He's always said that he wants to move cities for university but Ive never deeped it until now. He always says that he loves me and we'll figure it out but if we stay together whilst we're that far apart, I feel like we'll both me miserable and that I'd be holding him back from the Freshers experience and meeting new people.

I've reached a point where I don't think I can be happy without him in my life, and he made me promise that if things ever go south, then we will always stay friends. Which I don't think is a promise I could keep, at least not right away.

Am I right to worry about losing him in the future or should I just focus on now and whatever happens later, happens?

View related questions: long distance, university

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2018):

Sadly I think the distance will push you apart as it tends to interfer with most peoples best intentions.

The key is in your age group you tend to do a lot with friends and uni is one of the most friendly places on earth.

Every one is doing things with each other apart from lectures, work experience and holidays abroad, together with social activities and events and clubs etc.

I think you may be more serious about him than he is about you or he would have possibly chosen to go to the same uni where you could live together.

As you are so young you will both be going out with friends a lot.

You probably will make time for each other at first but over time it will become increasingly complicated and you will resort to the company of friends more frequently until finally you will realise that you are separate people with separate lives and a vast, but different network of friends.

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