A
female
age
18-21,
lilacpilgrim
writes:I'm worried that I may be obsessed with one of my lecturers at uni. He's incredibly interesting and despite the fact that he's extremely terrifying, he's so passionate and intelligent. I find myself looking him up in my free time and with desire to read his research papers, just to see his name. More than once or twice I've loitered around the floor where he conducts most of his research work, whether he's in or not. I think about him all the time and find myself dreaming about him. If I see him at all during a day I get butterflies and feel like I might throw up. I know way too much about him than is comfortable.Am I obsessed? What can I do to stop thinking about him? Am I insane? What's wrong with me?
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female
reader, sassymouse +, writes (9 May 2008):
 I feel the same!! I am beginning to think i am actually obsessed too. i've liked one of my uni lecturers for about 8 months and i am constantly thinking about him, reading what he's written in books and journals, gazing out of the library window at his office, trying to "bump" into him, emailing him for help and setting up meetings with him. I went on a fieldtrip with him, and found out hes married with a kid (at 35) hes been with her for 17 years. i get on well with him, although, again he has geeky tendencies but i think hes so sweet! my friends say theyve seen him staring at me but im not sure what to do! i dont know whether to make a move or not...what do you think? like you, i admire him as a person and as a writer, hes amazingly intelligent, yet modest and funny. i try to impress him with my essays and i think im doing ok, i just dont want to seem like a stalker. i realise he has commitments, but if you dont try youll never know hm?! xxx
A
female
reader, BeckyStar +, writes (6 May 2008):
You're not insane. I understand how you feel hun. I feel the same way about one of my lecturers. It hurts, but we can't do anything about it! I hope you feel better soon.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Hmmm, the same thing occured to me and was a complete shock especially since I'm not really attracted to guys. I could hardly wait for class! My prof wasn't much of a looker but he was very sweet, intelligent, mature, showed a genuine interest in my academic future and frequently went out of his way to speak with me after class. We joked around alot but nothing more came of it. Alas, I graduated this year and he's not much of an emailer so this is the end of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): I also have this problem, and I am also wondering if it is obsession or simple infatuation. My professor is a very sweet, funny, and interesting guy, is single, and the age gap is not so very big. We genuinely enjoy each-others company, and we have a very comfortable friendship growing. However, my university also has a no-dating policy, and some people think it is inappropriate that I walk his dog when he is out of town, as innocent as that is.
The reason I have wondered if I'm obsessed is that when I'm not with him, I think about being with him. When I see or hear something interesting or funny, my first thought is to wonder what he would think about it. I constantly find myself day-dreaming about our potential life together, and I try to be honest with myself about how it would really be - right before I realize how weird it is to consider it. I know that nothing could ever happen between us, but it's so hard to snuff out the little glimmer of hope that leaps to life each and every time he smiles at me, or as we sit, having our daily random conversation(s) about nothing in particular.
I wish you the best of luck with your crush, and I hope that maybe seeing my situatuation can help to put yours into perspective. Also, if anyone would like to give me any advice on my own little infatuation, I would appreciate it. :-)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): OMG .. I have the same problem and do the exact same thing. I always look at his papers, hang around by his office just so I can see him, I think and talk about him all the time! He's not so intense like your lecturer sounds. He's really friendly and smart and funny. He has some major nerdy tendencies but I find it to be so cute! Just everything about him is amazing .. I get butterflies whenever I see him and then panic and run in the opposite direction. :)I'm glad someone is going through the same thing - it makes me feel better! (Sorry if that sounds mean, I just mean that I find comfort in knowing I'm not alone in this situation.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): You've probably just fallen for him. You admire his passion and intelligence. It sounds like you genuinely find him attractive and interesting and these are all normal feelings. Maybe there is an element of it being a crush but it sounds like you admire him rather than just fancy him. I'm not sure that big age gaps are a good idea. Do you see him as a bit of a father figure possibly? Lots of univ students do fancy or admire their lecturers. Unfortunately I don't think he is a in position to reciprocate because of his job. He may already have a partner/wife. I'm not exactly sure whether you feel in love or are having a crush, or a mixture of those things or whether you are attracted to his position and knowledge but I am sure that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not weird or obsessed or anything like that. You are a normal healthy female with normal desires and attractions so don't beat yourself up. You sound like you are attracted to intelligent, passionate men, which is fine. In this case you probably won't be able to do anything about it because of his position. I know it is hard but try to distract yourself from him as much as possible, look at other guys around your own age etc .. Not sure if this is helpful but just some thoughts ... xx
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A
female
reader, lilacpilgrim +, writes (18 February 2008):
lilacpilgrim is verified as being by the original poster of the question mm2u, thanks for your answer, it's extremely positive, something I haven't been able to be.I wouldn't start anything up. As weird as it sounds, I care about him enough to know that he's passionate about his career, and he'd be crushed if he were to lose it. I couldn't let that happen.I don't know, I can never be positive! XD I mean how can I? I love a man I can never be with - the age gap is admittedly massive and I wouldn't want to ruin his career, and on top of all that, while kind and approachable, he can be awfully harsh when he's in a mood and comes across as intensely frightening during lectures. So why do I like him so much??(I'm sorry to keep going on like this. I find it hard to let things go.)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 You could be infatuated with your Uni lecturer and you have not come to the obsessive stage yet.
You can Google that word 'Infatuations' and read all about it online.
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A
female
reader, faith_believe_love  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 hi,.. No your not obsessed with him if you start stalking him then i can say you are but your not and absolutely your not insane, its totally normal for us to feel this just like what your feeling now. Everybody comes to a point where they feel what you were feelin' just like me i experienced this when i was in high school. I can say that forgetting him is hard to do 'coz i think he was the first man who made you feel this way. Maybe it'll take a month to get rid of this feeling or even a year It depends upon you. God Bless!
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A
male
reader, mm2u +, writes (18 February 2008):
Your not insane dear.Its love.its a normal occurance. Age doesnt matter, but before you start anything up, you should consider that his career may be on the line as Teachers (even in Uni) arent allowed to date Pupils. Your now obbsessed either, its love, and seen as you havent told him or speak about his personal life with him, your sure to look him up.There is nothing wrong with you! Try rephrasing your sentences, as you seem to use Negative Words a lot, try using insted of "Whats wrong with me" use, "Could there be something wrong with me".If you use more positive words and rephrase your sentences, it is garunteeds to make you feel better. (this is a simple CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)Hope my answer helped you, please rate it!
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