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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How do guys think? What am I not getting?I have recently been in contact with a sort-of ex (unofficial relationship) and he wants to meet up to 'discuss things'. My friend, when I told him, was angry at this. According to him, all my ex wants to do is to come to my house and make a move.My friend says I'm naieve and that I don't understand men. I'll admit that I am naieve, but I always thought I was capable of protecting myself emotionally. I am 21 years old, have limited experience with men and am definitely not willing to have sex before I'm married.According to my friend, everything my ex did was a ploy to get me into bed (or at least, 'push the boundaries'). I told my friend that my ex was the one pushing for a relationship, I was the one holding back (I was moving so didn't want to get committed into anything too fast, plus my family would not have accepted him). I told him that I felt like a jerk for this. My friend said it was all a trick, that he tried to 'trick' me into getting what he wanted. My ex said that he was fine with no sex before marriage. Supposedly, this was a 'trick' too.Basically, he said that whenever my ex said anything like "I love you" or "I want a future with you", he was lying, and that guys only want one thing. He said because I don't understand guys, I don't see it. He told me to bolt my door and not let him see me under any circumstances.Am I wrong for still trusting my ex, or are guys really that untrustworthy?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Men, especially young men, are after sex, that's true. He wants sex with you, but he might well be telling the truth when he says that he is willing to wait until after the wedding. Although men are after sex, it's unfair to say that it's the "only" thing we want. Plenty of men also want companionship and affection.Tell me, did your "friend" have anything to do with you two splitting up in the first place? I mean did her advice lead to the break up? When listening to friends, don't confuse bitterness with experience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): It depends on the guy, the girl circumstances, needs and wants and a whole lot of other things. You explained a bit about the current situation but you didn't rly describe why he is your ex in the 1st place. Not to mention the reason behind the "unofficial" relationship. I think this stands out to me, because a lot of guys like to have this "unofficial" deal when all they want is just sex. Anyway, can't say much more than this so it's up to you. All the best ^^
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female
reader, TheAgonyAunt  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 I think its up to you to judge whether this guy is only after you for sex, but NOT all guys want girls for sex, there are some really nice guys out there, they're just pretty hard to find. Since youve already know him you probably can roughly judge his character.. do you think he would do this? If you decide to meet him I think you should be careful and DONT get pushed into something you don't want to do.Hope this helps =)x
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reader, Your friend  +, writes (27 June 2009):
 An ex is an ex and once separated is generally best kept at a distance. You have caring friends who love you and are obviously worried about you. Unless there is a great need to see him then why bother.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Hate to break it to you, but there is only a very extremely small percentage of guys that arent just after that one thing. I doubt that your ex, is in that percentage, especially if your best friend does not trust him either. Guys have two brains, and they tend to think with the lower of the two most of/all the time. If you are a virgin, they may try even harder to get you, to feel as though they are accomplished, champions, worthy, and special. Taking a girl's virginity is something they pride themselves on... so be cautious...and do not do anything you do not want to- only if you are truly in love and the guy is well worthy of you. There was frat I knew of, that used to rank their members by how many virgins they had slept with. They would have huge celebrations everytime and guess what- they ranked them, highest to lowest the highest position being the president had taken the most girls virginities away, the vice president, the second most, and so on...It is sad you cannot even trust guy friends half the time. Because they are there for support always, but secretly waiting (whether they realise it or not) for a girl to be weak...and that is when they attack! So, a smarter move...If he wants to meet and discuss things with you and you want to meet him, then tell him you will meet him for lunch somewhere. Insist you pay for yourself.
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reader, laura585  +, writes (27 June 2009):
Well in your age group, and mine too these boys seem to be mostly sex-driven. They will do and say anything to get you in bed. Which is why you cant just jump into bed with every guy who smiles pretty and calls you beautiful. If it's too easy they think anyone can get it from you. Sometimes girls like you (no premarital sex) are seen as a "challenge" and a guy wants to "win." Whether ur ex's intentions are pure or not is something you have to figure out. You know I really think your friend might have a secret crush on you. He sure does seem persistant in convincing you that ALL guys are assholes. There are good ones out there, you just have to dig thru the dirt to find them. Good luck!
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