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Am I mad to take on a guy with these issues???

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Question - (5 June 2014) 3 Answers - (Newest, 6 June 2014)
A female Ireland age 41-50, *haron87 writes:

Ok, for the last 5 months I've befriended a gorgeous guy who has quite a few issues! Firstly, he is a recovering alcoholic, off the alcohol for 21 years, secondly, he has been self medicating for the last year and is currently in hospital trying to stop this habit, and to overcome his depression and anxiety attacks! Thirdly, he broke up with a girlfriend of 20 years, 2 years ago, which has caused a lot of this anguish!

About 6 weeks ago, I spent a weekend with him, before I knew all about his issues, and it was during our weekend away that he revealed all. I was taken aback, shocked, as I had no idea. His honesty and vulnerability was endearing tho I must admit, as I haven't met a guy who can talk so openly in years, and I need that, as I find it difficult to show mine. Since then, we speak every second day on the phone. we've also had a few tender moments, and I was the one to push him to take action and go to hospital.

Over the last week, he introduced me to his mum, has bought me very thoughtful gifts, I care about him and I've developed feelings for him. Although, the last time we met, just after we kissed for a bit, he said his heart can't feel anything, it's numb, I got so upset with that. Which proves my feelings. He was very nice and said he's going through so much that his heart is closed, and he has to protect himself. I feel I am getting mixed messages from him all the time. Should I just walk away? Move on? I have said before that we just be friends, but there is a huge attraction, and we still have the odd tender moment.... But I think I'd like more I nuts?? .. A frustrated lady!!

View related questions: alcoholic, broke up, mixed messages, move on

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (6 June 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntYou might be nuts, who knows? Taking on a "project" like this takes an extreemly patient person willing to enure abuse and maybe jepordize hersef physically. But love knows no examine yoour feelings and act accordingly. Best of luck

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 June 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI think what he was really looking for was someone who wanted to listen to him. Make HIM feel better. Make him do better.

And you did all that for him, which is a good thing.

I don't think he is ready to be ANYONE's BF. He just have to many things he needs to deal with FIRST. So if you can't stick to JUST being friends (and avoid the lovey dovey that makes YOU think it can be more) I'd walk away.

If you CAN be a friend then have set boundaries.

I would look elsewhere for a BF.

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A female reader, NORA B Ireland +, writes (6 June 2014):

Yes your boyfriend has a lot of issues to deal with which will take a lot of time.But he was honest and open with you so one has to give him credit for that.Also he is getting help with his problems.The question is do you care enough for this man to stay the duration that it will take for this man to heal at all levels.Have no douby it will be a difficult road to travel with him.Have an indept think about it.Kind Wishes .NORA B.

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