A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, this is gonna be quite long so I hereby thank you in advance for putting up with me. I'm now in a long distance relationship with a British guy living in the UK while I myself live in Thailand. We met when I went there to do the research. Because of bad relationship I had earlier, I tried not to be in any relationships again, but this guy was so sweet and caring he somehow melted my heart and we got together a few months before I came back to work in Thailand.However, he's quite complicated. When we were together in the UK he was the sweetest person I have ever met, but when I came back and we talk via skype, facebook chat, and emails, it's like he's a different person. He promised me to write letters and email, but it's been 3 months and so far I have only five of his emails in my mailbox. Let alone the letters; I've never received one. He never replies to my facebook post, but does that with his friends'. I started to think that his feeling has changed, but then again, as I said he is complicated, he still says he loves and misses me (barely says it lately because he barely comes online). And when I need help with my academic work, he helped me a lot, eagerly. I can say that there are lots of work that I can't finish without his help.I hate to expect something from someone because the disappointment will always be there. I am afraid of being too demanding, but in the same time I'm very lonely and I want him to at least show me he's still serious about our relationship. I try to understand that as a scholarship student in one of the top uni in the UK, he is very busy, but sometimes I can't help thinking how busy someone can get. I didn't even get a "merry Christmas" from him. UK and Thailand is very far apart, and now I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep this relationship. My dad suggests that maybe he is just like that. Maybe he doesn't really care about simple little things like "I miss you" or leaving a short message for me when he comes online to let me know how he's doing, but it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. Maybe when I go back to the UK in early 2011 things will get better as we'll see each other again, not via chatbox and webcam. What do you think? Am I too demanding or getting close to a psycho girlfriend stage? I'm afraid of being so, so I barely talk about this with him. I try and do understand that he has his work, his life, and his responsibilities to deal with, but understanding doesn't mean I won't feel anything.Thanks for reading and your advice in advance. Happy new year to all of you too x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (30 December 2010):
 Damn, and here I was hoping for a psycho...
Nope, you're not a psycho. In an LDR the only thing you have is communication, so for you to not be getting that it's natural that it puts a big strain on your relationship. What your dad told you is completely possible, but you need to consider what you want too. What you want is just as important as what he wants. If you want more communication, then tell him that. Tell him it doesn't need to be much, but little things like an "I'm thinking of you" goes a long way.
Think about it this way. You have certain expectations. If you never voice those expectations, he'll never realize them. Guys are horrible mind readers. Voice your expectations in the sprirt of compromise and hopefully you can find a solution that works for both of you.
Nobody is too busy to take 5 seconds to write "I love you."
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