A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My name is Leony, and my boyfriend's name is Roman. Roman and I ride the school bus together. When we're on our way to school, I like giving him little kisses almost all the while. Just yesterday, Roman told me that he thinks its immature if I'm always kissing him in front of other people. I think this is nonsense. I also think he's just saying that because there's a girl in the bus he doesn't want to seem unavailable to (even though she has a boyfriend.) What do you think? Am I being immature by being continuously affectionate, or is he being a poor boyfriend by being ashamed of me? P.S. No one can actually SEE us kissing. (except the people seated to our right, and that's only if they bother to look), and the people seated behind us can only see the top of our heads.
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has a boyfriend, immature, kissing, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Honeypie for you input. I appreciate it :)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 April 2012):
 A lot of people are not huge fans of PDA. For me it's not a big deal, never was. I never felt I needed to "claim" ownership of a BF.
I Think You need to talk to him and figure out what he thinks is acceptable and what is not.
And don't forget a good hard kiss can get a man really excited and it just can't be fun having to walk around with a "woody" in your pants all morning, because your GF wants to kiss on the school bus.
I don't think he is afraid some other girl sees you two kissing, I think he is just not a PDA fan.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, yes, CindyCares -- I get it! THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Also thank you, once again, Moo's Mum (I realize I misspelled it earlier), and thank you to the anonymous reader who posted right after me, thank you to Foot-In-My-Mouth, and thank you to nhan17. I appreciate everyone's advice and honesty. ^_^
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Yeah , but " having " a bf is not the same as having a rag doll or another inanimate object to fondle when you need to feel good , or to feel reassured. When you " have " a person, you should be able to find a way to express mutual affection that's gratifying for BOTH, - because what he likes counts as much as what you like , and keeping pushing his boundaries to get what YOU want is not very respectful.
Besides, I understand that you may be an affectionate person and this is not a fault or a flaw, - but , anything that's overused and squandered around loses meaning.
" I love you " , for instance, means something and conveys emotion if you say it to a special person in special moments, but if you are the kind of persons that " I love you"s everybody and his sister, from the mailman to the bus driver ...then it's just words. Same with kisses, if they get to be just an habit , and an annoying habit as for that , how can Roman feel the strength and sincerity of your emotions ?
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A
male
reader, nhan17 +, writes (3 April 2012):
No, you're not! Its a question of compatibility. Some people want affection all the time and others can do without. I don't think there is right or wrong, just like like if he likes spicy food or not? Its absolutely nothing wrong with holding the hand of the person you love in public,
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 April 2012):
Yes, you are being immature, and insecure, by requiring CONSTANT DPA and physical touch. I was writing it to another poster just yesterday : puppies, and babies, CONSTANTLY need to feel the warmth of another body to feel good, otherwise they'll whine. Adults develop a sense of physical boundaries and express affection in the right places, times and circumstances. They don't need to get constant attention and constant validation, to feel they COUNT for those around them.
Well, of course at 16-17 you are not a full blown adult yet, so what you are doing is not after all so surprising or inappropriate for your age :) But, the problem here is not that he finds it immature- he finds it annoying ! Little kisses almost ALL THE TIME ? Poor kid .It's not that he is ashamed of you, I think, it's that he feels suffocated , and probably also that he perceives you are sort of staking your territory to affirm your right of property and deter competition,- which can be very off-putting to guys. If you don't feel sure that his interest is all for you, and you are afraid he might stray- that's a separate issue in the relationship, work on it, or..change boyfriend. But it's not by sticking to his face like glue that you'll make him like you more.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 April 2012):
Yes, you are being immature, and insecure, by requiring CONSTANT DPA and physical touch. I was writing it to another poster just yesterday : puppies, and babies, CONSTANTLY need to feel the warmth of another body to feel good, otherwise they'll whine. Adults develop a sense of physical boundaries and express affection in the right places, times and circumstances. They don't need to get constant attention and constant validation, to feel they COUNT for those around them.
Well, of course at 16-17 you are not a full blown adult yet, so what you are doing is not after all so surprising or inappropriate for your age :) But, the problem here is not that he finds it immature- he finds it annoying ! Little kisses almost ALL THE TIME ? Poor kid .It's not that he is ashamed of you, I think, it's that he feels suffocated , and probably also that he perceives you are sort of staking your territory to affirm your right of property and deter competition,- which can be very off-putting to guys. If you don't feel sure that his interest is all for you, and you are afraid he might stray- that's a separate issue in the relationship, work on it, or..change boyfriend. But it's not by sticking to his face like glue that you'll make him like you more.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 He isn't being a poor boyfriend. He probably doesn't like PDA like a lot of other people. I don't either. While I understand your point of view and how you like to be affectionate, I suppose you could respect his feelings and kiss him only in private.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): I doubt your boyfriend is ashamed of you, he simply doesn't like public displays of affection. I personally hate PDA's I prefer to keep those things private. I also feel uncomfortable when people do it in front of me, I feel it shows a lack of manners and is just rude.
Come to a compromise like the one Moo's Mum suggests, keep it to a quick kiss hello and goodbye when in public, and holding hands. If you think about it, it shows a lack of respect if you continue to kiss him continuously in public when he has said he doesn't like it. It doesn't matter if the other people can see you or not, what matters is he is feeling uncomfortable with it. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I'll just have to deal then -.- . Thank you for your input Moo Mum! :) I'll make sure there's no PDA from now on. It will be hard, though. I'm happy to have Roman, and what's the use of having him if I can't kiss him when I feel like it? D'x That's the idea I have to get over. :b
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (3 April 2012):
 Some people (like you) like Public Displays of Affection and some people (your BF) do not like it and prefer to keep it private. You both need to accept each other's point of view and find a way to compromise that makes you both happy. E.g. maybe a quick kiss when you first see each other and when you have to part for the day in public.
I personally do not like PDA's and hate it when people do it in front of me. I find it rude.
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