A
male
age
,
*roper70
writes:I am reasonably friendly with a female work colleague and we do tend to get on well and have good conversations, saying hello and smiling at each other at work, and occasionally having the odd short discussion.She always smiles when we do run into each other and sometimes I will approach her at her desk etc for a quick 'hello' and sometimes on the bus (we catch the same bus to and from work) where I will go and sit near her to have a quick chat before we get to work, and occasionally on the way home.My question is, I am starting to wonder if I am being a pest, always initiating the conversations and approaching her, as a friend (she is married). I have no intentions of doing anything- am very happy with the 'friendship' (I am attracted to her admittedly), and she's given me no reason to think that I am imposing or being a nuicense, and seems to be happy talking to me, but I was thinking of actually asking her something outright like 'I hope Im not being a pest by always approaching you...' I would hope that if I was she would let me know, not just talk to me because she feels she should since Ive made the effort or just to be polite.Am i being a bit insecure?
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male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (16 June 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for the great advice- i like the idea of pulling back a bit, and have started to do this already, although that's not hard when we work in the same buidling but on different floors etc
No Im not ready for the completely walking away from the friendship option just yet, unless it turns out I've been kidding myself and it really has been a one sided thing.
Hi Annalisa, no Im more of an introvert (some could probably tell)- maybe I need to joke around more and not less ;). Wiseoldman, I hate to admit it, but there is a bit of infatuation, however, as stated, there is no intention of trying anything, that would be foolish.. A male and female can be 'just friends' cant they, in fact I know she has some already.
To Freeme, I do see a bit of old fashionedness (if thats a word), but she needs to realise this is the 21st century.
We'll see what happens, thanks to all again :)
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 I think generally speaking women espeially married women would just like to be left alone. They assume everyone is hitting on them and react accordingly. I'd leave her lone rather than question the pestering bit at all.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 HI
If you think your being a pest to her then slow it down a bit, let her come to you for discussions, she may say hey everyhing ok, we have not spoke for a while, then you can say well i didn't want to be a pest and laugh, she will tell you then and this way neither of you will feel uncomfortable about this situation. My guess is she appreiciates your friendship and enjoys the talks and company to and from work. Try not to stress about it. xx
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A
male
reader, freeme  +, writes (15 June 2011):
 Yep, you are being insecure. No question. That said, you might want to just come out and ask her point blank. Mind if a bother you for a chat? Or sorry to be such a pest, but I just enjoy talking to you.
If she objects and says something along the lines of... Oh, you're not a pest, you can bother me anytime you like. Well then you are in the clear.
If she rolls her eyes and looks at you like you are indeed a pest, maybe you need to take that social cue.
She might be shy, or old fashioned.
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A
male
reader, sroper70 +, writes (15 June 2011):
sroper70 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks, good suggestion, I was starting to think of trying something like that too- Not that Im keeping score or anything, but yes, it should be mutual :)
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (15 June 2011):
Looks like slowly creeping infatuation, if it's reached a point where you're so worried about it. If married or otherwise involved, put more emotional energy into your own relationship, if not, put ALL your energy into finding someone for yourself. Continue being polite and friendly to your co-worker, by all means, but shift your focus to someone who's either with you already, or potentialy attainable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2011): If you suggest that you think you're being a pest then even if she doesn't see you that way, you will plant that seed in her mind. So don't. And if you are worried that you are a pest, perhaps back away a bit. Let her approach you and be the one to initiate some of your conversations. Friendships should be mutual.
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