A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He's 34, I'm turning 19. Our relationship is becoming...more intense I think. He calls me before work, on lunch break, and after work. We're always texting each other silly things. Been together almost 8months. We're both difficult people...he's told me twice that he cares for me and I could never answer. He's somewhat sensitive and I've hurt him twice. The thing is, I love him. Don't know how to tell him. The age difference is slowly creeping in as a problem. His family would bash him if they knew he was dating me, my mom knows about him but isn't saying much since she believes there's not much she can do/say. I did not want to love him. But, I do. I'd like to tell him but don't know how. I think he's scared I'll leave when I/he get older. Maybe it'll happen, I dunno. But for right now, it's love. How can I make him understand?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the AMAZING advice Jilly and Ricemonster!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): Just tell him what you feel -And NEVER analyse FEELINGS too much, they tend to dissipate, vanish, you have to go with them, experience every minute of them...as I can assure you, those who have a more clinical edge, tend to wash them away, so wherever they take you, go with it, as YOU seem VERY happy with this guy generally.
No one can tell the future, or IF you will see old age together, or indeed IF you will SEE old age, no that is not meant to be a downer on the situation, merely a reflection on how we must learn to LIVE and LOVE what we have, and NOT try to determine too much what may or may not happen. You are both single, free, Not hurting anyone, so IF you love him, TELL HIM..
None of us guarantees for the future, whether were the same age or with age gap partners, we can only be SURE of what we feel right now, and IF that is something special, SHARE it with him, if it dies in the future, so be it, but trying foresee and guarantee it for twenty years ahead, will not only tarnish it now, but also prevent you from LIVING IT for how you feel now.
LET LOVE show you the way..it's wonderful!
Jilly
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A
male
reader, Ricemonster  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 "How can I make him understand?"
You know the old saying right? Actions speaks louder than words. Don't take that completely literal though.
There is absolutely zero reason to rush. Just continue with what you two are doing and in the process, make a compromise between your needs/wants and his needs/wants, but of course, the same has to be done on his part too. All forms of relationships are built and strengthened on growth through connection. Right now, the relationship is new and a lot of uncertainty is clouding his views on you. The way to counter that uncertainty is open communication, perception and compromise.
What he needs to understand is that regardless of the person's age and culture, a risk is constantly attached to everything we do. Even if someone older is more set in his/her ways, ultimately, situations can always change for and against the relationship, just as if someone is younger is more prone for change, doesn't mean that change is always against the relationship.
All relationships are dependent on the dance of those involved. You're bound to step on each others' toes every now and then. Keep dancing and see where it takes you.
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