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*r.CantLetgo
writes: Hey guys,My life is slowly falling apart, i'm depressed and really don't know what to do from here, hope u guys can give me some advice...I just broke up with my gf of 2 years, im 22, shes 21. She says she lost feelings for me, that her feelings for me just went away like that...We have done so many things together, all the great memories that we had, i just really can't believe that she has no feelings towards it... I mean, i know that the things i've experienced with her i will never be able to experience with anybody else. We act towards eachother in a special way where we just do what we do andsay what we say to each other. Just to keep it shorter, we just do alot of things toegther and all those memories are hard to forget...We moved in together aftera year, and since then spend like basically everyday with each other, this is where i think the problem lies... She broke up with me saying i don't give her space, don't let her go out with her friends etc...But that isn't true... i mean what space can i give her when i'm living with her? And, i have never ever once said she can't go out with her friends, it's just that she doesn't go out with them and blames me...After we broke up, she moved out and has been going out with her friends like almost everyday till late late night. It is killing me just knowing that she is not with me and going out everyday without me... Am i being too selfish?I really love her, i would do anything for her... i really thought she would be the one for me. I mean, in my life i've dated plenty of girls but this one i really thought was the one. I still do think that sheis the love of my life...please give me some adivice as to what to do from here... i try to forget about her, but i keep thinking about her...
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male
reader, Mr.CantLetgo +, writes (4 October 2006):
Mr.CantLetgo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks alot guys for all your help.
As hard as it is, i now understand what u all mean when u say let her go and if she is meant for me then she will come back...
It's just so hard to let go of something you love most in this world... but i will try my best and give her some time to be with her friends and alone.
1. I will not call her anymore.
2. I will not text her anymore.
3. I will go out with friends more and have a good time without her.
4. Whenever i do think about her and miss her, i will write my feelings down on paper to get it out of my system.
I shall stick to these rules from now on and just hope for the best. Hoping one day, she would give me another chance to be with her, but till then, i will just have to face the truth and live my life without her...
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male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (4 October 2006):
 You need to block her phone number or change yours. Then tell her to f**k off and stop trying to take the piss out of your good nature.
You are much better than that.
She is using you and will continue to do so as lons as you allow it.
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female
reader, bumble bee +, writes (4 October 2006):
i split up with a bf last year after 2years together. he dumped me. i knew that he was always going out and i hated it, we got back together after 3months and he told me that he was drunk for pretty much the whole 3months, he said that when he was out or drunk he didnt think about me, that was his way of dealing with us breaking up, maybe thats similar to what your ex is doing, going out means she is not sitting at home with time to think about you.
personally i would tell her that she cant have anymore clothes, she is using you. the next time she asks tell her no she lost that privelage when she dumped you, if you ever get back together dont give it back to her untill you are sure she is back for the right reasons and not just for the free stuff. HTH xXx
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male
reader, Mr.CantLetgo +, writes (4 October 2006):
Mr.CantLetgo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much, i really appreciate all those helpful comments.
Those tips are very helpful for me.
Tip 8 - If you see her around don't ask her questions that you don't really want to know the answers too. I know it will kill you to think what she might - and i repeat MIGHT - be doing out all night but worring who she is with or what she is doing will just turn you into the 'psycho' ex boyfriend. If she asks you questions, just tell her you have been doing ok and keeping yourself busy. she will be just as curious as to what you're up to. DON'T satisfiy her curiousity, keep her guessing.
Lol... i was becoming one of those psycho ex boyfriends... then realised "what am i doing?!?!" and stopped...
I don't know what to do guys...
She still calls me sometimes to tell me to bring some of her belongings to her apartment (Girls have so much stuff that it's immpossible to do it in a day...). Whenever i come to bring her things over my heart feels like... i don't know, it just really hurts seeing her.
I own a womens clothing store, when we were datingshe would go to my store and pick some outfits andi would let her take them, she was really happy then... But even till now... After SHE broke up with me. She sometimes calls me and says she ran out of clothes to wear... and asks me if i can bring some clothes for her... I've done it like twice already... Am i making a mistake??? i mean... she broke up with me and i am still treating her like she's everything to me... Is she just using me??? (that is very hard for me to believe...).
Urrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, Toria +, writes (4 October 2006):
 In situations like this I always think of that saying... 'If you love someone let them go, if they love you they will come back to you'
She may have hit a point where she is feeling like she is missing out on what all her friends are doing and although she had choosen to stay home with you she is now using you as the reason to why she never did it before making her decision to end things acceptable as your fault.
Good luck :o)
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female
reader, Blooregard +, writes (3 October 2006):
My heart goes out to you. It's easy to say "time heals" but I recently broke up with a boy of 2 and a half years, I couldn't go to work I was so down. Do you know what i did? I stopped being close-minded and looked at how lucky I was to have such great friends in my life, male and female. One particular male one was a potential boyfriend to me, and we're currently going out. I know you think you shared a lot of special memories but think about when you first met her, you didn't know these special memories would happen. In this sense, someone you might know may contain their own special memories for the future, you may get on well with them better than you could have ever imagined with her.
She is young, at aged 22 she might be confused, it's pretty common, she may realise you shared something if you don't talk to her for a long time, switch your phone off, go places without her, have a good time, she will soon realise she would miss you if you weren't in her life. Best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): Women are "fickle" at 22. More than likely she just isn't ready for a serious, long-term committment at this stage in her life; she feels like she still has some "wild oats" to sow. You know what they say, if you love someone and you set them free and they come back, then it was meant to be. If they don't, it wasn't. Women in their 20's seldom know what true love is and they easily confuse companionship with the real thing. Besides, they're usually still trying to figure out who they are; They need time to grow, develop and mature before they are ready to be anyone's mate long-term. My advice to you is, move on -- Take classes, focus on your career, take up some hobbies. You're young, you'll meet someone else and trust me, you will have all those same feelings again with someone new. Just give it time.
Good luck! :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): Ah your life isn't falling apart - its only beginning but sadly its not with the girl of your dreams! I can understand how you feel as I can now see it from your point of view! I was the same as your g/f when I split up with my ex boyfriend!! I started goin out with my boyf when I was 19 and moved in together 2 years later but I just felt that it wasn't the right decision and that instead of leading him any further finished things with him as to not hurt him any more!!
Looking back now it was too much too young! Its not a bad thing, its just some people are ready to settle down at a young age, others think they can but suddenly they realise there is a lot more out there for them to see & do and I was one of the latter group!
You have to do what is right and at the moment your g/f just needs space to go out and enjoy herself (not saying she didn't with you) but just in a different way! You should be doin the same thing! You know she's out wiht her friends so you should let her see that you are doing the same thing!
The one thing I will ask of you is not to ring/texting/call over to her house as this will only drive her further away from you! She's young, your young you should be out enjoying life!! I mean you may think she's the one for you but how do you know when there are so many other girls out there that you haven't met?!?
Its gonna take time but I wish you all the best what ever the out come is
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): I know exactly how you feel. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years, left me 2 weeks ago (she is now seeing a friend of mine). I found the best way of dealing with it was to focus on work and friends. I was Emailed some advice by a very good friend of mine and it has worked wonders. So I am going to cut and paste it for you.
Tip 1 - Don't sit around in your flat all day. You will only dwell on the past and the good times you shared. You did have good times and you need time to moarn the relationship but sitting around listen to sad music all day isnt a good idea.
Tip 2 - Put things that remind you of her in a box. so when you are around your place your mind doesn't wonder.
Tip 3 - Join a few clubs. Focus on a hobby you have, Go on walks. Do things that will help you meet new people.
Tip 4 - Write down how you feel. Writing about it is a good way of getting it out of your system.
Tip 5 - Speak to friends, but don't burden them.(This was a mistake I made. Probably like me you have mutual friends. I ended up talking to the same 3 people about the break up again and again and again, like a scratched record until they didn't want to talk to me anymore.)
Tip 6 - Write her number down on a pad of paper and hide it (just incase you do need it) now remove her number from your phone. This will stop you from phoning her for the sake of phoning.
Tip 7 - She is not your responsiblity anymore. You can only affect you yourself and the things that YOU feel or do. You must let for of the girl you were with before because she has changed, for whatever reason. Think of things around you right now. Not on the past but to the future.
Tip 8 - If you see her around don't ask her questions that you don't really want to know the answers too. I know it will kill you to think what she might - and i repeat MIGHT - be doing out all night but worring who she is with or what she is doing will just turn you into the 'psycho' ex boyfriend. If she asks you questions, just tell her you have been doing ok and keeping yourself busy. she will be just as curious as to what you're up to. DON'T satisfiy her curiousity, keep her guessing.
Tip 9 - Getting Hugs from female friends is a good thing, but in the end it is probably good to have some time buy yourself too. Some time to know who you are without someone else holding on to you.
Tip 10 - She isn’t all that was good about you. You have friends who knew you long before her and they all want you to be happy again. we all love you.
YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON! THINK HAPPY, BE HAPPY!
I hope these tips help you as much as they helped me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006): hiya!i hope i can help you. im going through exactly the same thing as you just now and i wanted to let you know you are not alone! me and my 2yr boyfriend just spilt up he is 22 and im 19. now everytime i hear about him he is out partying with pals to late in the evening! and trust me i know how it feels it makes you think they dont care and are having a good time without you whilst you mope around. which actually isnt true some people just have different ways of dealing with it. i heard my ex asked his mates out so he could drown his sorrows. you never know your ex could be doing the same! but one good bit of advice i will give you is dont phone or text her for at least a month and give her the space she wanted and i guarentee she will text or phone you before the month is out!
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