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male
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*HESHIREMAN
writes: I have someone im really interested in, and she thinks I'm a lovely sexy guy. We chatted a lot on msn, and she wants to meet me, and as good looking as she is, her being 17, and me being 40 is something that's making me think a twice about it. She doesn't have a problem with the age gap, but if I do decide to let her down, and not meet, I don't wanna hurt her feelings.
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male
reader, CHESHIREMAN +, writes (10 August 2005):
thanx for the help everyone, i have indeed told her that im way to old for her, and she didnt like it at 1st, but i said that is how its gotta be, and that IS how it is
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2005): I think that age difference isn't a big thing as im am in a relationship where my partner is alot older then me.
What Irish 49 has said
"Sex with a girl under 18 is an offence"
Isn't true because in Britain the legal age is 16.
a) You could always have this relationship with this girl and advise her to go out with her friends and to do the things a young girl should.
B) Although you could be sensible look at the situation realise that she is a young girl and probably very immature, and she could never really give you the emotional suport that an older woman could.
C)Can you really see a future with this girl? Coz if you can't then just let her go. Don't waist her time or yours. Life is too short. She's just a baby.
What I also notice in age difference relationship is that there is a missing generation. You don't want to fall for this girl and then be afraid that she will want to leave you for a younger fitter guy, you can't expect her to stay around.
I think the best action for you to take is to just stop all contact. Block her on MSN she will soon get the message and it won't take her long to bounce back on her feet. She's young and she probably doesn't feel love for you it's more like a crush.
Choose your options clearly and wisely.
Sounds to me you already know your answer
"her being 17, and me being 40 is something that's making me think a twice about it"
If you didn't care about the age difference you wouldn't think twice about meeting her.
Good luck on whatever path you decided to take.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2005): Don't worry about all those replies that stereotype age groups- not all younger people actually want to go to proms and hang around with just their peers-some people prefer a more mature person, just as some prefer a younger person. What is wrong with that? If there is happiness to be had, go for it -life is too short to be worried by conservative doubts and criticisms. Things may last, they may not-that is the risk at any age. Try to relax and enjoy life while you can. Good luck. Rob
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2005): Hold it, guy..this is just my opinion but I am shocked you would even consider the possibilty of dating a 17 year old schoolgirl! If you are uncomfortable with the age-gap here-you should be. She is just beginning to live her life, have fun, date boys her own age. Don't take that away from her. You have two decades of life experience on her-you've had your good times. Let her have her life no matter what she says. Your life is slowing down to eventual retirement. Her life is just starting. She should be going to parties, proms, university..life should be a wonderful learning experience and adventure for her. This young girls needs her parent's guidance, in a very bad way. When she's older, she'll look back on this relationship and see it for what it was-very exploitative and manipulative, for your own selfish reasons. And she will have to live with that. You want a last stab at youth and she's your ticket. If you insist on seeing her...then I think the best thing you can do is tell her parents. Talk to them both. Not sure how they'll react but if it were my daughter...I'd likely phone the cops on you. And what about the possibilities of a sexual relationship with her? Sex with a girl under 18 is an offence, as I'm sure you know. If I was her mother- I'd insist you leave her alone and tell you that I'd be checking with the police to see if you have a record of relationships with young girls. Normal, well adjusted adult men date grown up women-not schoolgirls. Some men find young girls' inexperience and trusting nature a turn-on. It's well-known for paedophiles to 'prepare' their victims by being charming, helpful and understanding.
I am not assuming you want sex with this girl..but I really question your motives for wanting to be a part of her life? She's not experienced enough with men to to know a man of 40 will eventually expect sex from her.
I think there's a colossal difference between a 40 year old man dating an 17 year-old teen girl as opposed to dating a 25-30 year old woman. A woman over 25 is an adult woman who has goals, and basically knows where she's headed. Men your age are unhappy with their downward slide into middle aged boredom. They want to spice it up a notch. Okay...go for a younger woman (25 years plus). Men who date 17 year old school girls do NOT possess the radical unselfishness, that requires them to refrain from sexualizing these young teen girls. If I were you..I'd run the other way and be careful of whom you meet on msn. This is my opinion...take it or leave it.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (27 July 2005):
This girl is far too young for you.You are old enough to be her father! Go out and find someone your own age. What could you possibly have in common with a 17 year old?????
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2005): I think meeting her is totaly up too you, but you should wait till she's 18 or at least talk with her parents first to make sure they no about you, otherwise when she's 18 its all up to her what she does and who she likes. age matters to some ppl and not to others. it is a large age difference but it can be overcome if you love her, and it also depends on the amount of distance between the two of you. also it sounds like your more uncomfortalbe with the age difference then her. Good Luck.
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