A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 year, and we have recently moved in together. I love being with him, and we always get on really well. Sometimes I worry because I feel like we have lost our 'spark' we don't often have sex, and he feels more like a good friend to me. In all other ways he is perfect though- kind, thoughtful and caring. I just feel that our relationship has changed a lot since we have moved in together. I don't know about to do about it, I have told my partner and he just said not to worry about it.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 March 2012):
 I think we need to define what “spark” is missing…. Are you still sexually attracted to each other and it’s just that your drives are off? Is it’ a timing issue (for us it’s more about timing than anything)…. And once we moved in together yes the amount of sex dropped off.
I think that for couples that do not live together, you often are not sure the next time you will be able to have “adult time” so you grab it whenever you can… Once you live together it’s there EVERY NIGHT in the same bed….and you can have it whenever you want so you don’t make the effort….. it’s not about not caring, or not loving or not wanting… it’s just that things now as a part of everyday life take over.
I’m more tired now that we are running a home full time together…. So sex tends to fall by the wayside… but we make special times. In our house, the “joke” is that “Sunday morning is for blow jobs”… and we try to keep to that rule… and I often tease for a “hump day” celebration…. My drive is higher than his so it’s often me asking for more…. We have agreed that “we take care of ourselves” as needed BUT what we do make time for DAILY is hugs and kisses and cuddles and DINNER…. Even if it’s carry out we EAT together at the table… and we cuddle every night… even if one of us goes to sleep first (that would be me)… I wake up when he comes to bed and cuddle him….
Do you guys have date night? We make sure that we have a routine Saturday is gaming/date night with or without friends…. Always….
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2012): Living together is very different to 'going out'. Once you are together on a live-in basis you get very used to each other. You don't have the 'longing to see each other' element. It is only natural. Your relationship shifts. Nobody, at least most, don't keep that early phase of romance when you are in a heightened state and even the sight of him makes your heart skip a beat. It adjusts in a natural way. When children come along, it shifts again. Only you know whether he is the one you want to make that journey with. Often the happiest people are those who do not chase impossible dreams.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2012):
 P.S. It's OK to keep trying to keep it alive... or, resurrect it ... if you wish!!!!!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 March 2012):
Count your blessings that you got 4 years out of this "relationship." Sometimes, what you described happens in the first few WEEKS..... sometimes, after 40, 50 or 60+ years...... The fact is that, sometime, you and he are going to get bored and fed up with one-another, and all the nik-nik (and that OTHER fun stuff) is going to disappear.......
Good luck....
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