A
male
age
30-35,
*eucebaker
writes:Sooo me and my gf have been dating for a year and a half so a decent amount of time. We havent had sex nor have i tried. Our year n a half was a week ago n we were making out. Both our top layers came off n the moment just seemed right, so i tried for the bottom half. N she said im not readyLast night i finally asked her why she wasnt ready, n she couldnt come up with a reason. She isnt looking to save it for marriage and she wants me to be her first and only.So my question is i guess to girls, wat reasonings would she not be ready???We have had enough time to date; the moment was right; n she wants it with mePleasse help n i have already thrown up the options of she feels like she is losing control and that he innocences is going with her virginity. She said those r kinda a reason but very small Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Fiona xxx  +, writes (21 May 2009):
 Hi again, That's why I suggested a long engagement. Basically we were both students and had a long engagement for the same reason, before we got married.
I know what you mean you are hardly only after one thing if it's been this long! As you say, I am sure things are serious after a year and a half, plenty of time to know you love eacother and have stuff in common etc.
Perhaps have a good talk, about all this?
A
male
reader, deucebaker +, writes (21 May 2009):
deucebaker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionidk if either one of us is ready for that, were both sophmores in college. So we would def not be getting married within the next 3 years.
N that could be a possibility, but idk it almost seems aftr like a year n a half tht it should be enough proof that our relationship is going well n im not just using this for sex
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (21 May 2009):
Something that occurred to me...
If she wants for you to be her first and only sexual partner. Are you engaged, or planning a wedding? Perhaps she would only be comfortable, if there is a wedding date in mind? Say if there is an approximate time say July/August 2010 and you just have to look into things and arrange the date etc.
Perhaps she needs peace of mind that your relationship is going in that direction and that it's going somewhere first.
As you are probably both young, there is a chance that either of you or both of you could be students and not yet got your lives on track. I am sure getting married once you are more on track with money and work etc is better than doing so too young, before you can afford to live properly.
Even if you cannot practically or are not ready to get married just yet, perhaps she needs to feel the relationship is heading in that direction - not yet but in a couple of years. Perhaps if there was an approximate plan and your families understood that, and then later in the year or next year, you arranged getting married. So a long-ish engagement if need-be.
You get my thinking perhaps peace of mind that your relationship is permenant would help?
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A
male
reader, deucebaker +, writes (20 May 2009):
deucebaker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI mean literally each step has been taken its time, we havent gone fast at anything nor at this i wanna say the first time we had oral sex was october!!!! So thats wat i consider third base n we have been on that for like idk 7 months
And to the other 2 the thing is we are comfortable with fingering n oral sex with clothes off, we have both seen each other naked n done stuff
If there was a checkboard for sexual things we would have everything checked off even whipped creamed involved... except for sex
But thank you for your responses
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (20 May 2009):
Ahh we must have been typing at the same time.
I know what you mean. In that case, she's probably nervous and shy about it and possibly the signals are there? Do you notice that she's really turned on and relaxed, like a moment of weakness? If you spot that, you could reach for a condom. Or ask if she wants to go any further. If she's really nervous, that will give her the time to say no and feel flustered. Whereas reaching for the condom will say what your intentions are, but she'll only say no if she's really not ready, rather than if she's just nervous.
So in that respect how long did you stay at each of the bases? Has this final step been far longer I assume?
There does come a point when psychologically there is little difference between doing what you have been doing and having the full sex.
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A
female
reader, Fiona xxx +, writes (20 May 2009):
I agree, it's a huge leap all at once when you have never had sex before. So over the next few weeks, progress bit by bit. She might not want to be fully naked yet. She might not mind having her top undone/half on and her pants off, involving fingering. So you need to have pretty much done everything but a couple of times first that's all.
It can be a bit overwhelming at first that's all, but she'll get used to things soon enough.
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A
male
reader, deucebaker +, writes (20 May 2009):
deucebaker is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya but thats the thing we have done literally everything before sex... there is no bases left to hit there is only a few feet before home n i just need the signal
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (20 May 2009):
Well you don't go from kissing to full sex.
You need to do fingering and hand jobs for a while, then progress to oral and THEN think about sex.
Start with small stuff.
Good Luck!! xx
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