A
female
age
30-35,
*chelplove
writes:All I do is cry. I feel stuck in a relationship. I've tried to give it my all. I'm settled in my career and he isn't. So he doesnt want to get married yet despite knowing that's on top of my agenda. I told him recently that I'm emotionally struggling and cant deal with it. He asked for time again. I told him I cant give forever. He then said until end of month. So I told him if by end of month nothing changes then we have to part of our ways. He told me he doesnt want us to break up. But I feel we are just worlds apart. Even if he said yes to getting married, its literally a year after I proposed last leap year. He lost both grandparents last year and he always brings them as a reason as to why he go forward in life and it's really straining me. I dont like crying all the time. I feel that ending is the right thing to do but my family are desparate for me to get married so I'm sticking with it and also cos he said he doesnt want to break up. It's like its everyone else feeling but mine. I cant live like this. Part of me is scared to end it too cos then I have start all over again and I'm yearning to have a child. I fear it will be too late and I wont be able to. This emotional battle I'm living with is unbearable and I really dont know what the right thing to do is anymore. I dont even know if I still love him like I used cos of the emotional battle I'm having with myself. Please please please help me. I'm so scared and have no idea in what to do anymore Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2021): If you force him to marry you he will resent you.Find a guy who will give you what you want.It will be better than having this one in time hate you.Move on he does not love you enough.You deserve more....like a man who cannot wait to marry you and loves you with his whole heart.He is out there...You just have to get rid of this one to find him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2021): You can't MAKE him ready to marry you. If he isn't ready, he isn't ready. You have to decide whether to put more time into this or call it a day. YOU have to take control here as far as you can and decide whether to call it off or not. That's ALL you can do. It sounds as if you now resent him for not stepping up when you want him to and he probably resents you, for all the pressure he's feeling. He shouldn't keep giving you deadlines that he's not keeping to, but all you can do about that is walk away. No-one knows if they're going to get what they want to get out of life. It's not a given right. But it doesn't sound as if this man is the one who's ready to give you marriage and a child. And even if he did, it's not starting on a good note is it? With resentment on both sides? If you leave, he MIGHT suddenly realise that he doesn't want to lose you, but that's not a suggestion to use a ploy to get your own way, I'm just saying that's what MIGHT happen. Time for YOU to make your mind up. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 February 2021):
 Why are you ignoring what he is saying?
He has told you (I'm guessing multiple times) that he isn't ready for marriage.
You two are not only on different pages, you are in different books.
While him grieving his grandparents might have something to do with it, I think it really more him NOT wanting marriage yet.
YOU have given him an ultimatum, STICK to it. You told him if he by the end of February isn't feeling ready to marry you t's over.
Let's say he ask for more time instead. You NEED to say no, I wish you will, this is it.
Also, do you really WANT to marry someone you have you emotionally "hogtie" into matrimony? Do you think that a marriage would work? If one party really didn't WANT to marry?
As for your family, sure I get it, they want you to BE married and have a family - but I think they would like it better if you were also HAPPY and with THE right guy for you!
The longer you "stick it out" with this one... the more time you waste. Not only on finding a good partner who wants the same, but also your window for having kids is getting smaller and smaller.
Why are you letting HIM decide all this?
And the drama with the crying all the time because he doesn't want to obey? It's OK for him to NOT want marriage right now or even WITH you, but that means HE isn't the one for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (15 February 2021):
 It seems like the two of you are a million miles apart in terms of what you both want out of a relationship.
I think that the end of the month will transpire in to the month after, then the month after that, and on and on it goes with you waiting around in limbo not knowing what is going on.
By your own admission you are both worlds apart, and you don't love him like you used to.
You are clearly not happy in this relationship, your upset more times than you are happy, and I'm sorry to say I can't see this changing.
I think that the worst thing that you could do is stick it out with him, or have a baby with him. So many people have a baby in the hope of cementing their relationship, but in actual fact it does the opposite because you were not happy to start with.
I don't think you should stay with him out of fear of starting all over again, this also leads to resentment and bad feelings further down the line. You are still young enough to meet someone else OP, and have a relationship blossom into something beautiful, and get married and start a family.
I think you need to end this relationship and work on yourself for a couple of months just learning to love yourself again.
I feel nothing good will come if you stay, and the years will roll by and he will still be dithering and keeping you dangling. Leave now while your still young and start again op. I think you know in your heart of hearts that this is the right thing to do.
...............................
|
