A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi..I had this crazy idea once to have a threesome. I was really drunk and so we had a threesome, me my boyfriend and another guy.I love him with my whole heart and I felt really bad about it the next day, since he said at the beginning he didn't want to.Now he wants to break up because of that. What can I do.. he's my life!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2008): I have to give you advice as a womans point of view.I have recently gone throught the same thing as you but with another woman and my husband.It was probably the worst thing i ever did for my relationship.It was my idea and things went so great the first time we did it twice with the same woman.I thought i was mature enough to handle the emotions that went along with a 3 some.Instead it made me very insecure.I am well aware that my husband enjoyed himself and can't help wonder now while we are making love as a couple if he is fatasizing about her.This woman was more experianced than i and did things to my husband with her body that i have never done.We are still together but barely.When your boyfriend as i has a very active imagination you can't help what you feel.Please make him feel like he is your one and only that is what he needs.The thing about sex is that it is made for 2 people for a reason.Its about love trust and a bond that no two people will have but you and him.If he loves you like you love him he will get over it as i am still on my journey.Talk things out never break the lines of communication.You will get through this.......thinking of you
A
male
reader, Enigmatical  +, writes (13 November 2008):
What I find interesting is that he could have asked you to stop at any time things started, and the fact he actually went through with it when he didn't want to means that you are not totally to blame.
You may find however that he has become insecure about the experience, perhaps visualizing you with this other guy, or playing the event over and over in his head to the point where he may feel as if you have betrayed him. Of course you haven't betrayed him nor cheated because it happened with his consent (nothing stopped him from making a stand and leaving there and then instead of going through with it), but it doesn't stop him feeling that way.
I think the way you approach him depends completely on the type of person he is. If he is insecure or lacks confidence then you need to build that back up in him, reassure him that it wont happen again and do things to show that he is the only one you want.
If he is a level headed sort of person then you could talk through his emotions with him, get him to explain what he is feeling and work through those feelings. You may find it was a case of him thinking it would be ok at the time only to realise once it was too late that he isn't ok with it and he didn't feel he could ask for it to stop. He would be kicking himself just as much as anything and now probably feels helpless on top of everything else.
Threesomes are a very potent thing, when a couple is mature in their love, has a strong bond that focuses on them as people, and both parties are confident then it can be a wonderful experience that actually makes you love your partner even more because you have finally let go of that last selfishness in wanting to be the only person to give your partner pleasure and instead putting your partner's pleasure first above everything.
For couples who have not reached this level, or who have not properly discussed the ramifications of the emotional, physical and even intellectual consequences of going through it, it can be completely overwhelming and you are forced to deal with emotions you hadn't counted on, feelings that you know are wrong, and a strong sense of "I wish I hadn't done that but I can't take it back now".
What you need to focus on is the fact that no matter what happened with that guy, at the end of the day he went home alone and you loyally stuck with your partner, you had sex and was intimate with another guy and yet it wasn't enough to stop you loving your partner, and that your partner loved you so much that he put his own needs aside so that you could experience something you wanted.
When both people consider the feelings of the other, and both are open and honest with their feelings (good, bad or otherwise), then things like this become a learning experience for the relationship and they allow you to explore the reality of your feelings in the face of a situation which has the potential to destroy them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): All you can do is tell him what you told us. You were drunk, you were foolish and you don't want to lose the love of your life. It is very, very difficult for your boyfriend to forget that you allowed yourself to have sex with another man. Sorry babes, but even if he takes you back, he'll find it very difficult to get over this thing and forgive and forget. There is not much you can do. Sorry but the thing about threesomes is the fantasy is always much better than the reality. It's just not worth the jealously and the pain that it always brings....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): I can't help but totally agree with the previous answer. He didn't want to do it, but for some reason best known to him he went along with it. Probably to keep you happy or something. You should have taken notice of him at the time, I think it's too late now. You can't turn back the clock. If the two guys had simply picked up some tart off the street to have a threesome with there would have been no emotions involved, but because it was with his girlfriend it was a totally different matter.
One good thing though - you'll have learnt from this experience and if there's a next time with another boyfriend, maybe you'll think twice about coming up with crazy ideas when you've been on the sherbets.
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A
male
reader, Boredatwork  +, writes (23 October 2008):
 By you knowing he didnt want to before and going ahead with it, he probably feels as though you have willingly and knowingly cheated on him with this other guy.
As you asked for the threesome he probably feels even more betrayed... and feels that hes not enough to satisfy you.
I hate to say it but i dont fancy your chances of getting your relationship back on track.
If he is your life, then why did you want to do it in the first place?
Sorry
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