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anonymous
writes: My partner & I haev been together for nearly 12 years. About 4 years ago he had an affair and this caused us to split up once I found out. About a year later we got back together and tried to put the past behind us & bring up our Son in a family unit. Last week I found out that he still has this women's name in his phone (as she sent him a text for his b'day) under the name of 'puppy' i confronted him & he says that the name means nothing 'its just a name' and that the only contact was on his b'day and nothing since. I also found a picture of another girl & she was just in her bra(waist upwards). I dont know what to make of it all. He says he hasn't cheated on me, but how do I know that for sure? I feel that all the trust has gone out of the relationship. We have two children together.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2005): Hi hunny i know this is going to sound really obvious but unless you can lay the past to rest you will never trust him.He also has a very big role to play in understanding where you are coming from and helping you to re-build the trust you once had in him.After all he was the one who planted the seeds of doubt in your mind in the first place wasn`t he?So in order for you to start the re-building process i think he really needs to firstly see and understand why you feel the way you do.Secondly he needs to make a gesture to reassure you that this person means nothing so either inform the other woman he wants absolutely NO further contact ever from her or change his number and not let her know the new one.Finally he doesn`t need the picture of the woman in her bra etc so he could get rid of that too for your peace of mind.If he can do any or all of these things then that should be a good starting point to regaining the trust from you that he shattered by having the affair in the first place.I hope this helps hunny.Take good care of yourself and good luck with whatever you decide is the right thing for you to do.xx
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