A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:During the day I look after two little girls aged 3 and 5 (I'll call them J and K respectively); I collect J from nursery at lunchtime and K from school a few hours later. When I brought K home this afternoon there was nobody else around, as her mother (I'll call her C) had taken J to the hospital for an appointment and her older siblings still hadn't come home from high school. The girls already drink tea and K asked me to make her a cup, using her teacher beaker, so I did. But I didn't realise that the lid was one which you can't just press closed but have to screw down tight, so when I handed it to her the whole cup fell down and the hot tea scalded her poor feet. Of course she was hysterical with pain and shock; half an hour of cold water, comforting and apologising later, her mum arrived home with J - and wasn't in the slighest bit angry at me (which made me feel a hundred times worse). After checking K's feet, which were rather red but nothing more, she even gave me a hug when she saw I was upset, though I was trying my best to hide it. I'm 18. It was my second day of work. K and her mum might be able to forgive me but I'm struggling to.I know what happened was an accident but I'm devastated nonetheless; I feel like I've betrayed the family. While I'm in sole charge of the girls I have to be more responsible than ever and although I don't doubt my ability to cope with looking after small children in general (I would never have accepted this job otherwise) I can't believe I let my guard down the way I did. I love J and K, I can't bear to think of any harm coming to them, yet I've let it happen - and worst of all, I'm the one who caused it. I asked C later if she still wanted me to come back next week and she was adamant that the incident had changed nothing between us, but I can't shake the guilt. How can I make up for my mistake, especially to little K? And how do I stop beating myself down? Any advice would be thoroughly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2011): Why would the Mother being understanding make you feel worse, and not better? Part of being human is understanding that accidents happen. And part of having accidents is forgiving yourself for being human, and moving forward. Consider expressing inner gratitude, daily (and I mean every day), that everyone is healthy and that it wasn't worse. Forgive yourself daily. Then, try to move on to actually being proud of yourself for how you dealt with it. You didn't panic. You addressed the minor burn. You comforted K and you apologized. Sounds like a very responsible, adult young lady to me!You must start by understanding, and fully acknowledging to yourself that this was a minor accident. This minor blip should not warrant feelings of being "devastated." Your ability now to pick up and deal with this will be very important in the future, when more serious accidents or events may unfold in life. So acknowledge, every day, that this was minor, and an accident. Acknowledge and be proud of how you dealt with it when it occurred.Breath deep. Pick up and move on. That's part of being a grown up and caring for children too.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 hugs to you darling... accidents happen...
it was an accident not an "on purpose"
once you grow and have your own kids you will see this.
my 3 month old son (now age 27) slipped out of my arms once outside and landed on the CEMENT head first... OMG I about died... baby was fine
red feet are fine... you put them in cold water... that's the right thing to do
you comforted the child PERFECT
and mom sounds very down to earth and understanding.
give it another go and learn that you are only human doing your best and I bet those little girls grow to love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2011): If this accident had occurred on her mum's watch instead of yours would you have considered her a poor mother? Of course not. Neither are you a poor babysitter just because it happened on yours.
Years ago my daughter, while camping with her cousin and family, burnt her arm in the fire. It was a very minor burn and my aunt and uncle treated it, evenm taking her to hospital to have it checked. They felt horrible, but I didn't view them as negligent. They did all the right things. My opinion of them was as high after the episode as it was before it.
No one is absolutely 100% safe from calamity. Life is full of uncertainties. All we can do is minimize the risk and deal with the aftermath.
Don't allow this incident to undermine your confidence.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2011):
 Accidents happen. Even amongst the most responsible of us. You handled the situation well, and obviously did your job since the girl didn't get second degree burn or third degree burn. Children's skin get burned faster than on adults, and they can very easily get a second or third degree burn just by spilling hot tea on their skin. From your story it sounds as if she only got a first degree, which will heal soon.
Children get hurt, you can't wrap them in bubble wrap to keep them safe and have them wear helmets all day and night. You do your best, as a parent and as a baby sitter, and yet accidents can happen.
My baby brother went on the slide on the playground once and broke his arm. Kids slam doors in each others faces and knock out teeth. My baby brother, same one who gets into all sorts of accidents, once cut his finger off while being unsupervised, and he was old enough to know better than to stick his finger into a concrete mixer. It got stitched back in place.
You won't make the same mistake again, and you have learned one more thing to check out for when serving tea. And the little girl didn't get damaged for life. I think you just got a shock, and Im thinking this is the first time a child got hurt this bad under your care. But it happens. Some times it happens....! It doesn't make you a horrible person!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): Never give children hot drinks, always test any liquids and make sure they are cool enough for a child to drink before you hand them out. If it hadnt been her feet it might have been her mouth and throat. So even if you know how to put the lid on her cup now, still make sure you have cooled the drink first. We all make mistakes and you are no different, so please dont feel badly about it. No lasting harm was done and thats the important thing. The less fuss you make about it, the sooner it will be forgotten.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 April 2011):
 How can you make up for it? Don't repeat it.
How do you stop beating yourself down? Remember that accidents happen, even when you're doing your best to avoid them.
She'll be ok. She's likely already ok. Kids hurt themselves all the time, and while this was your accident, it's not like she'll never get hurt again.
Please relax. Part of dealing with kids is realizing that things rarely go as planned. Her mom wasn't upset because she probably has similar stories from when she screwed up.
One of my favorite quotations of all time, "The difference between the wiseman and the fool is that the fool never learns from his mistakes." As long as you're not a fool, you'll be fine. :-)
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A
female
reader, lonelygirl11 +, writes (28 April 2011):
It was only an accident i work in a creche and i can tell you children are always havin accidents. I had a little fella bust his nose today and few yr ago the worst accident ever i had a child fall and break his thigh bone he just collapsed nothin or no one near him i was in absoulte pieces over it and parents were bit iffy at first but ok later. But it was only am accident and im still none the better for it. Just forget about it it was a simple accident her mam is not blaming you so its ok it would be a whole lot worse if she did blame you as parents sometimes dont accept that it was accident and do be very unhappy. You will know in future now so take this as am experience and forget about it accidents happen all the time so dont worry about it
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