A
female
age
18-21,
freeworld
writes:i adore my best friend, we have so much in common and can often finish each others sentences, think the same things at the same moment and buy the same clothes without realizing!the problem? her latest bf. they havn't been going out too long, but its started to affect our friendship. he constantly calls her when i'm with her (once 6 times in 3 hours). calls in the early hours of the morning when were both in bed. shes even been telling me he gets grumpy with her and jealous when she talks to his friends! on top of this, she has recently moved back to her hometown. i thought this would be great as i could spent more time with her! he lives about 70 miles away from her but all her time is occupied with him! i live a 5 minute walk down the road! she hardly spending anytime with me now and he is always sleeping at her house or shes sleeping at his! but this isn't just for one nights, its several nights in a row! she even spends the whole day at his work where he works as a tattooist! i met him and he hardly spoke to me and wouldn't leave me or her alone together. he was being quite moody and has even got to the point now that if his friends invite him out, he wont go without her. she makes it clear she wants to spend time with me, but i dont think he actually cares.i know this cant be me, because ive got on well with all her other bfs and she even says herself that he doesn't give her breathing space. i'm worried he'll become too possessive and get angry.its hard because i feel like i'm losing my best mate, and i'm becoming resentful towards her. she always told me friends comes first, but it isn't the case anymore. she knows exactly how i feel.-x-
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female
reader, Miss C +, writes (24 July 2008):
 Hey, from your post it seems that your friend's actions speak louder than her words but i wouldn't condemn her completely for her behaviour because it's easy to feel trapped and controlled in a relationship and she may not feel strong enough to speak out against what you have quite rightly described as being possessive behaviour.
What your friend needs right now is some emotional support. I'm sure you've made mistakes in the past. It must hurt knowing that your friend had initally told you that friends come first and seeing that she has contradicted herself but it's easy for anyone to fall into this trap.
You've seen from her past relationships that she has remained the same person so it's clear that her boyfriend appears to have some sort of hold over her that's preventing from havign as you put it 'breathing space.' Just let your friend know your there for her and remind of her of all the great memories you both have together and how you miss that now because of the amount of tiem she is spending with her boyfriend.
The fact that she hangs around his work gives clear indication that this is an unhealthy relationship. This guy probably has his own insecurities and is worried that by spending time with you she will see sense and realise just how much this guy is changing her.
Right now it's easy to resent your friend as you said but she needs your support right now and the fact that she has owned up to the fact she needs her breathig space shows that she isn't ignorant of his behaviour completely.
Hope this has helped somewhat. Good luck! Miss C xx
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