A
female
age
30-35,
*CandRS
writes:I have a big problem. I'm gay for one. My best friend is a boy (J). Well, I thought he was gay as well. I mean, he told me he was bi when we first met. But I just assumed that he was gay because he never stopped talking about this one boy. Well... The other day he texts me and says, "If we were straight, we would make a good couple." For one, my girlfriend doesn't like that he said that at all. Two, I don't know what to do. I really don't want to make things awkward between J and I because he's my best friend.How should I handle this situation?
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female
reader, cecisland +, writes (18 March 2009):
I think you should follow your heart.
Do what you feel is right.
Think about it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): That does sound complicated. Hmmm.... I think that you need to get things straight.
It's going to hurt feelings either way. He's going to be sad he can't have you even though it's completely obvious. You're a lesbian. He's a boy. It doesn't work that way.
Your girlfriend has a right to be upset. Even if he has no chance that's going to bother her. I know it would bother me if someone said that to my girlfriend.
I'm going to assume you're relationships are strained right now, because I know mine would be. If you want to be with your girlfriend, tell him to back off. He isn't respecting you or your relationship and that's not ok. If you want it to work out where you keep both though, it will be strained constantly.
Your girlfriend knows about this boy's feelings and I'd assume he knows that she knows. It's very complicated dear. Someone will be hurt in one way or another.
Which one do you feel you will be with longer? Your girlfriend or this boy? I can't decide for you because I don't know how long you've been with her or how long you have been friends with him.
I would personally pick my girlfriend. I've been with mine for a year now and I would rather have her than someone that poisons my relationship.
Good luck dear.
You need it.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (17 March 2009):
Was he drunk? That sounds like a late night drunk text if ever I heard one.
If he's got feelings for you and you have a girlfriend then you can't be friends with him for a while. Full Stop.
It's not fair on your girlfriend, it's not fair on him as you will be the thing he wants but can't touch, it's not fair on you as you'll be put in the situation of hurting 2 people badly until you finally kill off one of them.
Ask him what he meant by it, ask him if he has feelings for you. Tell him it's never going to happen EVER and if he's fallen for you then he has to back off, go away, and get over it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): A lesbian holds fascination for ALL mankind, not just the ones who propose they don't have sex with women.
We watch in wonder at the sensual silkyness on display and then wonder why we a turned on by something that is increasingly making the male sex obsolete.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, CCandRS +, writes (17 March 2009):
CCandRS is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I mean he knows that I don't swing that way. I told him the first day we started being friends that I was openly gay. I mean he has never really gave me the impression that he likes me. Or I've never noticed it anyways. But, he sent the same text message to my best friend Kay. It seems like he will do anything to be with me. Like, he is trying everything. I don't know what to say to him without hurting his feelings or making things awkward between us.
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A
male
reader, Johndoe254 +, writes (17 March 2009):
Just tell him that he you don't swing that way
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