A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have been with my g/f for about 8 months and i have cheated on her 3 times. i dont know why i did it but i do know that i love her. i have been used to having more than one girl in the past but never been in a relationship, apart from my daughters mother of corse, that was about 4 yrs ago. Anyway, my girlfriend after she found out went apsolutly mad (as u would) but she chose to forgive me and now she is always cheaking up on me and hardly bealeves a word i say to her. she says she loves me but finds it so hard to trust me we want to make a fresh start no lying or cheating. how can we make this work? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): You are not going to like what I have to say, but I am saying it to try and help you, not to hurt you or upset you.
I believe, you personally have some serious issues to deal with. You should consult a therapist and consider counselling. This could be a deep rooted problem, and you will need to have it resolved before you will be able to stay loyal and faithfull to any woman.
Need I ask; the relationship between you and your daughter's mother, why did that end? Because you cheated?
I understand that you do not wish to cheat; but it is almost like you cannot help it; it is an illness with some people due to various factors and unresolved issues.
You are hurting people in the process, but you are hurting yourself, as now with your girlfriend.
You will have to be very loving and patient with her, you have destroyed her trust, and only you can help her regain trust again.
I urge to get help, and hope that the two of you can work things out.
Good luck
A
female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 If you are serious about wanting to turn over a new leaf - you need to examine what it is that caused you to be unfaithful previously...unless you have insight into that side of you chances are it is just a matter of time before you slip up.
Your GF is right to be wary...but her level of mistrust is not healthy for her or you...and will take a toll on your r'ship over time...unless she can feel safe to trust you again someday.
If I were you I would make an appointment to see a relationship counsellor - and ask your GF to attend with you. This will show her your commitment AND help you start to understand your actions/motivations/relationship fears etc. And if things don;t work out for the two of you...you will hopefully still have dealt with the underlying issues you have so that you don;t end up in a similar situation in the future.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (19 June 2008):
 Honestly...I dont know why you are shocked that your current girlfriend doesnt trust you. You have given her reasons not to trust you. She loves you but I wonder if you really love her? If you do, then why cheat on her??? It may take a very long time before she trusts you again, then I dont believe she will trust you 100%. There will always be that little bit of doubt.... If you really love her you will do your utmost to remain faithful, however I have found that past behaviour is usually an indication of what to expect in future behaviour.
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