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female
,
anonymous
writes: My partner and I have been together for 9 years. I keep asking when are we going to make it serious. He gives me excuses. It has made me constantly accuse him of being with someone else, to the point of him telling me to leave him alone. Please help me. I really do love him.thanksBronx46 Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ariel  +, writes (7 June 2006):
 Mmmm!!! The big 'C' word. I take it 'make it serious' means you want to get married????
Well he is a bloke and I read an article written by a man about commitment and he said,'Men dont feel anything - we just get on with it. Stuff is either 'bad'-and to be avoided - or 'good' and doesn't need to be considered.' He went on and wrote,'so when you 'want to talk' he doesn't have anything to say because he has not thought about it-as far as he is concerned everything is fine. He also said talking about emotions produces harmones that make men sleepy.'
Your man has proberly thought about marriage,I bet he is scared of a lavish wedding and the cost involved.
I don't think he is having an affair as he did not get deffensive when you accused him. You need to stop your negative thoughts and go on one knee and ask him to marry you. The worst thing he can say is 'NO'- then you will know what to do.
Good luck!!! and I hope the bells will be ringing .Let me know how you get on.
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (7 June 2006):
 hey there
this is gonna be short and sweet honey i don't think he is seeing anyone else i just think he's taking advantage of you... i mean 9 years! personally i would sit him down and tell it like it is you either commit to me or basically get lost, explain you can't wait forever time is ticking away and time waits for no man so sweetie if he don't get the answers you wanna hear then kick him to the kerb you can do better find someone who wants the same things out of life as you do
i hope my advice was able to help you out a little, good luck sweetie... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advise or a sounding board don't hesitate to email me ok sweetie i'm always here for you ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, helpful girl +, writes (7 June 2006):
 maybe his been hurt alot before in the past and doesnt want to get too serious in case you hurt him too. that was the problem with my boyfriend untill i settled him lol. ask him why he wont get serious instead of asking him when. and if he tells you to leave refuse and say no its been 9years and i want to know why you wont get serious! demand a answer and dont walk away stand your ground and get that answer you want.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (7 June 2006):
 9 years are you not a proper couple ?? Not sure exactly what the deal is here, but if its not a serious relatioship then i dont know how you two got this far ? You have really got to talk to him and tell him that you want to know where your relationship is headed, what future the two of you want and how you can progress. It sounds as though you want to be with him and hes still not so sure! in which case I dont think he ever will be! I know you say you love him, but does he really love you ? Is he treating you the way you want to be treated ? Being there for your, going out together, being a proper couple ? not sure when you say you want to be serious which part you havent done, im guessing its the living together part, taking the relationship one step further ? In which case he's got to understand that you want to make a future with him, and afer 9 years i would have thought that the two of you would have already been someway in to making plans of that nature. If he keeps making excuses then it sounds as though he really doesnt want any type of commitment, is happy to have you there and sod off and do other things! a relationship is about what you both want, not just one of you, so if your not getting what you want then you have to talk to him tell him exactly that. If he still doesnt want to commit you may have to rethink your position.. its no use sitting there waiting for him to change you gotta let him know that if he cant give you some answers as to why then you going to have to leave and make a fresh! At the moment you are simply waiting for him, so you have nothing to lose as the wait for him to be serious could be forever! You have to find out if he feels the same way about you and indeed wants a future, yes its hard but if he doesnt want to commit at least you will know and will be able to make a decision on what YOU want to do. Its no use just hanging hoping things will change, when this man is simply just assuming your gonna sit and wait around forever, maybe he has got someone else, i dont know the full circumstances, so i cant really comment on that, i mean if your not living together is he living with someone else ? Or spending time with someone else when your apart ? This could go to explain why he wont commit but your going to have to ask him! If hes not telling you things and simply telling you to leave him alone then i dont really think you two are meant to be. It might be time to set yourself free and find someone that does want a future with you.
Take care and good luck
x
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A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (7 June 2006):
 I think you need to get some commitment out of this man or walk away. It seems you've spend a lot of your life on him and if he can't even tell you it's serious after all that time, something's defintiely going on with him.
I think you need to break free from this. I know you love him, and it is hard when we're in these situations, but you can't waste anymore time on him if you don't both want the same things. You need to have a good talk with him, find out what's going on and, if you want different, then walk away. Life is too short for all this, find someone who respects you enough to commit and make you as happy as you deserve to be. Good luck
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