A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 8 years. We met and began dating in high school and stayed together through college and beyond. We moved in together about 6 months ago and both absolutely love living together. Everything about our relationship is great, except for the fact that he has not proposed. We have been talking about marriage for the past 3-4 years. We both decided that getting married in the summer of 2009 would be perfect, and I told him that I would like 1.5 years to plan the wedding. He still has not proposed and each time I ask him about it, he tells me that he wants it to be positive and that I shouldn't worry about it. How can I not worry though, when this has been hurting my feelings for so long and he doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. He is sweet in all other ways - the little things. But this is making me worry that when I want to have kids, I will have to wait for years and years for him to make the decision with me. How should I approach this? How do I make sure to articulate to him that it worries me about the future without making him feel like getting engaged is a "negative" thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): If he loves you enough then he will do anthing to make you happy. However, I see where he may be coming from. I sometimes think it's special that you're not enaged, it's like he's not nforced to be with you, but still wants to because he loves you that much. He clearly loves you, but if marriage is the be al and end all then you need to tell him. Have you seen teh film 'He's just not that into you' well Ms Annistons character has EXACTLY the same prob, does what Emilyanswers says and he proposes, but I think he does love you so don't be too harsh on him. My aunt and uncle have been together for 17 years and my nan and step grandad were together for way over 20 years before tying the knot. So don't worry, it'll happen if it's meant to be and of course it will. He probs just wants to surprise you!
Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (20 March 2009):
Simple.
Tell him that you are leaving. Pack a bag and say you are off your your friends / mothers / sisters place for a few days and then you can sort out the flat etc after that.
Tell him you are sick of the fact he won't commit to you, and since you are not getting any younger and you want marriage and a family, you need to get out there and find a guy who is willing to give you those things.
Tell him you are sorry that this can't be him as you love him and you've waited and hinted for 8 years but it's obviously never going to happen and you want a ring on your finger.
You can just disappear and leave a letter with all this in if you want to give it added effect.
He'll be straight down the jewellery shop within hours.
And if he's not then it'll hurt terribly but at least you will know.
Yes this is a silly trick to play, but trust me when I say that guys sometimes NEED a kick up the bum like this to show them what idiots they are being.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): The males in my family have a notorious but unintentional "tradition" of this. I don't know if I'll be this way, since I'm 20 at the moment, but my uncle only just proposed and got married recently to his girlfriend of 11 years, both of them in their 40s.
It was a close call though - she basically split up with him, making the point that if he wasn't willing to make the commitment she would have to find someone else. He got scared, but still didn't know what to do, and it was only after talking to my mom, who had the same issues with my dad (his brother) that my uncle finally got the courage and proposed.
It wasn't that he didn't love her enough commit, either. He had a belt with a special compartment for the ring which he'd been carrying around for years, waiting for the perfect moment. To her though, it seemed like he maybe wasn't 100% sure about her.
I hope this is helpful, although it doesn't answer your question directly. Perhaps he is just waiting for the perfect moment. Maybe you should organize a holiday or something, and really make him feel like he's got a 'now or never' opportunity to pop the question under just the right circumstances.
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