A
male
age
41-50,
*oe31
writes:Long story short, she dumped me because I was studying for my medical exams and never had any time for her for 6 months. She said little things turned into big things and she couldn't take me not being there for her. She got a new job during that period as well and I heard all the lines, "still love you", "see us getting married", and "I don't know what I want."That said, I was pathetic, begged, etc and as soon as things looked good she said she never wanted to speak to me again. Since that night 6 weeks no contact to the day and 3.5 months broken up.At first I was really bummed, hurt, etc. But I maintained NC. I feel good now, dating, and not even sure if I want her back (some days I do, some days I miss her).Then tonight I get an email, "Hi. I know you prefer for me to not contact you but I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and your new job. Hope things are going well and your getting ready for the holidays."Over the last couple weeks I contemplated how I would respond if she ever contacted me again and I really have mixed feelings. That said, I am not looking too far into this email. However, I have a feeling if I respond it could open the door to talking. Again, I am just not sure what I want.If I do respond, what do you think I should say? If I don't respond, would it burn the bridge forever?Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.Hey: After 6 weeks almost to the day, she sent me an email tonight. "Hi. I know you prefer for me to not contact you but I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you and your new job. Hope things are going well and your getting ready for the holidays."I have been feeling great, dating, and really getting myself right. I vowed not to contact her again and was true for 6 weeks....then she sends me this. Over the last couple week I contemplated how I would respond if she ever contacted me and I really have mixed feelings. Part of me misses her and wants to get back while the other part isn't so sure anymore. That said, I am not looking too far into this email. However, I have a feeling if I respond it could open the door to talking. Again, I am just not sure what I want.If I do respond, what do you think I should say? If I don't respond, would it burn the bridge forever?Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (17 January 2011):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTennis:
Its a tough reality for me but its most likely true; I look at each contact for more than it is. I guess she just wants to be friends and nothing more - it really bothers me that she would do this.
If she contacts me again, I have to tell her that i can't be friends and we can't talk as it brings back feelings....
Thanks for the honesty.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 January 2011):
 Your feelings for her have never left. You're tearing open the wounds even further with this vague contact. Since she's keeping the conversation vague, I believe she's trying to make an attempt at being friends. Nothing more. Like I said previously, if she wanted to get back together then she would say so.
With this contact, you keep on thinking there is more every time she calls, texts, or emails..but there's not. You aren't ready to be friends with her, it's way too soon. As I've said before and I'm going to say for the last time, you need to go back to cutting off contact and letting her go for good. Actually move on. This vague contact isn't letting you move on.
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (17 January 2011):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: We have been sending short emails back and forth the last few weeks - nothing of real substance. However, the last two weeks she has asked if we could talk on the phone. I told her I could on two occasions but it didn't work out due to work, etc.
Finally, last night she called and we spoke. I tried to cut it short but after 10 minutes she said I could get off the phone if I wanted to, but she wanted to hear about me and asked generic questions about my job, new car, etc.
We never discussed the relationship, dating anyone else, etc. However, she told me about her job, her bonus, the traveling, and a story of a client harrassing her. After a minute of hearing about this client, I told her I didn't even want to hear about it (made me sick). She then told me that she is going back to school and she hasn't told her dad yet. We spoke a little longer about her family and dog and then I thanked her for the call and maybe we can talk in the future.
That said, she didn't sound very happy even though she said she was. Moreover, it sparked a lot of feelings in me as I wanted her to say she missed me, etc. After thinking about the call, I sent her an email, "Are you ok?"
She wrote back this morning, "I'm fine" and I responded with "good. Nice talking to you. Im thinking of you."
I regret sending the follow up text. I am not back at square one but the feelings are coming back and I am thinking about her.
I know it is the standard question, "why did she call" but do you have any advice at this point? She contacted me two times to talk and thats all we spoke about....I guess Im just hoping there is more.
The call lasted for 30 minutes and I ended it.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (5 January 2011):
If you don't want to go back to square one then cut off contact completely. Move forward with your life, and this time move on. This contact game is giving you false hope that she's going to come back to you. When in all actuality, she's just trying to keep up some kind of friendship. Trust me if she wanted you back she would have already said so.
It's up to you, keep on playing this vague contact game being caught in limbo or actually let it go block her completely cut off the contact and proceed to move on.
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (5 January 2011):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI received two more emails last night asking if I wanted to talk - I went to bed instead. Then this morning I asked if everything was ok via email and she responsed by saying, "Yeah. I was just thinking about you, thought I'd see how you were. Heard you said good bye to the Jeep (my old car)."
Again, part of me wants this girl back in my life; however, I am not trying to go back to square one. I am afraid that it may set me back if i start talking to her about my life and leaving it at that. Any suggestions?
Should I let her call me or should I just tell her that everything is good and thanks for asking - something short like that....
Thanks.
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (5 January 2011):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: I ended up forwarding her a funny email last Monday and never got a response. However, today I get an email while at work that only said, "hey.". I responded 10 min later, "hey.". Then an hour later she emailed, "how are are you doing?". I responded a little later, "We can talk later. I'm meeting with patients.". Then 6 hours later she asked if I was still at work and I told her yes until 9am. No response since.
Not sure why such the interest. I suspect she may call. How should I handle same? What do you think is going on?
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 December 2010):
Continue with the short answers...until she actually comes right out and says something about the space or what youg guys had. But I highly doubt she will. Keep it vague yet friendly. Trust me if she wanted more then she would say so. Remember she picked her job over you.
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (26 December 2010):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHere's an update of the situation....December 13 she sent the email that read, 'how's the job' and I replied a few hours later, 'the jobs good' and she responded 5 minutes later, 'well that's good to hear." I know that when ever she uses, 'well,' she is pissed off. I assume she may have been pissed about my short response.
The repeated contact threw me off and really got me thinking about the relationship and wondering why she would contact me. Since part of me thinks about trying to get her back, I sent an email on the 19th that read,'how's (the dog)? I do miss her.'
She responded two days later (21st), 'she's good' and nothing more. Then the 24th she sent me an email wishing me a merry Christmas and attached attached a picture of her dog explaining that her dog hated her Christmas outfit. I responded, 'thanks for the picture. Merry christmas.'
Do you think she is reaching out? Or is it just the holidays and she is feeling guilty? Should I remain the course and wait to see if she contacts me again or should I reach out....
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (15 December 2010):
Great, thanks.
Leave it at that.
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (15 December 2010):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: She sent me another email today that simply read, "How's the job?"
So this is the second email in two days. How should I respond this time around?
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A
male
reader, Joe31 +, writes (14 December 2010):
Joe31 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. Again, part of me misses her and wants her back while the other part doesn't want anything to do with her.
That said, I am at a point emotionally where I dont need to play the waiting games, etc. I responded roughly three hours later before going to bed, "Thanks. Same to you."
Not sure if it was the right thing to say but I figure my response lets her know I may respond to her if she contacts me while at the same time I gave her zero information about me and my life to keep her guessing.
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A
female
reader, loveistheanswer +, writes (14 December 2010):
 Don't even bother... this is one bridge you should not regret burning... I hate people who take relationships and other people's hearts as casually and cruelly as she did you. Especially at your age, you should not tolerate something so ridiculous as being dumped for having to study for medical exams. A decent human being would have stood by you, and asked you if there was anything she could have done to help support you during this time of studying...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): It depends...do you love her? That should be enough to answer your question. If you can see life without her then do what is best for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2010): Did she really say, 'and your new job'? If so, I'd burn the bridge as fast as possible, because she just so happens to be one of the people that will leave you for someone with a better job, more money, or a more steady income.
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