A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has such a high sex drive and is always looking to fool around. I got mad at him the other day for always trying to. I realized that I have lost my drive all together and I'm not sure what this means for us. I used to love fooling around and all that but now I really just don't want to. He isn't in this relationship just for sex because he is always taking me places and buys me flowers and really just cares about me. I can tell that he is frustrated even trying for sex but is still with me. I was hoping to find a way to regain my drive and hopefully show my bf that I really do still love to do all that. I have a hard time realizing that I am only 22 but have no drive and I even feel like an old maid. I want to regain my drive for not only my boyfriend but also for my sake. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Are the two of you expecting you to just switch 'on' and be all horny and ready to go for sex? Guys are notorious for having and instant 'on,' one second and they can go from *nothing* to *sproing! ready to go!*… Women on the other hand require a bit more time.
There's a saying floating around: women are like ovens, men are like microwaves.
Are you taking the time you need to warm up properly? Do you realize feeling sexual starts well outside the bedroom (or staircase or living room or wherever you do it)? Does he understand your body and its sexual response? Do YOU understand your body and what it needs?
You probably have lost your 'drive' because you are feeling pawed and not appreciated, like a sexual vending machine instead of a cherished partner in love AND sex.
Do by all means go to the doctor, there may well be a hormonal or other condition that has affected you.
Good luck. Take your time, don't feel ashamed or guilty or bad for not having the 'drive' right at the moment. Give yourself the space you need to figure it out, and ask him to respect that for now, can you do that?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 August 2013):
 How is the sex? Has it been good for YOU as well over the years? Or do you spend more time pleasing him then yourself (so to speak). Boring sex = low libido.
I would suggest you go see your doctor too, because you are so young. Hormones, some types of birth-control, stress, depression can all affect your libido - so go see your doctor. Can be as simple as switching birth control, can be your hormones are out of whack.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): You have to go to the doctor and get a physical examination.
There may be a physiological reason for the sudden lack of sex drive.
Let the doctor know if you have been feeling any anxiety or depression, so he/she can refer you to the proper specialist. A drop in hormonal levels can also occur, if you recently changed your birth control. Make sure you bring up every recent change in your life-style so the doctor will not over-look anything.
You may have an iron deficiency, or anemia; so the doctor may need to prescribe vitamins.
You shouldn't feel like an "old-maid" at 22.
You have to exercise, eat a healthy diet, get proper sleep, and take your breaks at work. If you you don't keep up a healthy life-style you'll lose more than your sex-drive.
You also need to make sure you are well-rested, before going out on dates or staying up late. Exhaustion will decrease sex-drive, and drop your energy-levels; and it can have a lingering effect.
Just in case you're just bored with sex, which is often the case; let your boyfriend know if you need him to try something different and concentrate more on foreplay.
If he does the same thing all the time, he is mechanical, or just climbs on top and he's done. That repetitive routine gives you nothing to look forward to. Just lack of interest may be the problem.
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