A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Cupids, hope you're all doing well! I need a bit of advice about love. It's been over two years now and as much as it pains me to say, I don't think I'm over my ex boyfriend - despite being with someone else, new job, new city, etc.It's not like I compare everything now to how things used to be with him, it's more that I regret how things turned out and because I was blindsighted in the end with him texting me after 4 years living together to move out, I was crushed. I had major trust issues and he made me feel completely crazy for thinking something was going on with one of his friends he'd met through work. Calling me a 'psycho' - turns out I wasn't, and 2 months later they'd moved in together in a new house..I hate feeling sad and angry after all this time and know it's only hurting me by being this way but I simply just can't shake the feeling of moving on. He wasn't right for me, it wasn't the best relationship, but I still can't rack my brain at the fact I loved him to pieces one moment and then it's like a switch went off and everything was different.It REALLY doesn't help that I still check his social media, and they are constantly posting about how happy they are. I haven't looked for about 2 weeks now which has made a difference. I feel like I should be completely over it by now! To not feel resentment or sadness or anything!I want to be happy he's found someone who I only presume from social MUCH more suited to him. And I want to be happy with my life, I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I keep looking back on what once was.I'm the kind of person to naturally just hold onto sentimental things like this. But it's getting me down that I still feel hung up.Has anyone got any tips? Thanks so much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2020): This is a matter of dealing with jealousy and hurt pride. You are being held captive to the past; because you resent that he let you go, only to find his happiness elsewhere. Your ego is totally bruised, and his rejection was salt on your wounds.
How dare he could he be happier with somebody else after what you've invested? I know how that feels.
It was young-love, and you both were only in-it for a minute! You needed more time to mature; and learn more about handling relationship-issues. He was part of the lesson. He wasn't meant to be around indefinitely; only for a fixed amount of time in your life. Why prolong it in memory, when he's not there in mind and body?
The past has to be forgotten, in order to move forward. Holding-on to pain is toxic; and it slowly erodes from hurt into bitterness. It has now hit that stage. It's only being reinforced; because you punish yourself by stalking his postings on social media. When I got blindsided and dumped; the last thing I needed was to do follow-up on my ex's love-life. I just wanted it all to fade into the past; and I didn't want to let my ego and pride hold me hostage to humiliation and resentment. It did, for a while; but I had to fight it with all I've got!
Two months after he dumped me, a friend saw him while vacationing at a resort; hanging-out with my replacement. Living it up! I wouldn't have known, if this so-called friend didn't poke and nudge me with this unsolicited-information!!! Yeah, it hurt; I felt like crap for a bit. Only difference between what happened to you and to me; is that we were having a great time! No disagreements, no snags, and we had a lot of fun. I admit, I did get some odd-vibes; but I failed to take heed to probable warning-signs. Saw some creepy things that I dismissed. Maybe he realized I did, who knows...who cares? I'm over it now! He said I deserved better. I do, and I found it!
Stop following-up on his activities. Social media is a total fraud. It used to bring people together to make connections around the globe. Now it's used to divide, misinform, brag, and bully! People love to go online to broadcast how perfect their lives are going for all their followers, and rub their exes noses in it.
Jealousy, bitterness, and a bruised-ego will destroy the blessings you now have. Pay more attention to the man now in your life, and enjoy your youth! You're too young to be wasting your life hating on an ex! It's not bothering him in the least! In fact, all the online bragging is probably for your benefit! "Look at me, look how happy I am without you!" Then be happy and shut-up already!!!
The more people brag online, the less you should believe the pics and videos. They're contrived, phony, and scripted for public consumption. Too good to be true! Why show everybody? You want to know what's really happening? You'd have to be a fly on the wall; you won't find it where they can fake-it! If he is happy, then don't wish anybody otherwise. That's pitiful and self-consuming.
Decide you're going to be as happy and content with your life as you can. All the time you're wasting in bitterness; you will never get back, sweetheart! Don't give him the power to control your feelings. He's past-history! Let-go and live-on, sweetheart!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2020): There is no time line to how quickly you should move on from someone,some people take longer than others, I remember after my first break up I was convinced I would feel heart broken forever! Being cheated on is devastating and I can understand your frustration as it's clear you do want to move on and have no intention of getting back together but you're perhaps finding it difficult to let go. You say he ended things by text, did you get the chance to sit down and properly talk things through? From my past experience it's incredibly difficult to gain closure from the termination of a relationship if you haven't spoken in person. I dated a guy who was recently out a long term relationship and his girlfriend ended things via phone call. He told me a few weeks into dating me that he was meeting up with her to talk everything through, at the time I was uncomfortable with it but I think now it was the mature thing to do. He came away feeling much better and able to properly move on. My advice, reach out to him and see if he'd be willing to meet up or chat over the phone so you can talk through everything. I know 2 years may seem too little too late but I honestly think by speaking to him and understanding why he did what he did, explain the way it made you feel etc you may have a much better chance of moving on. Plus if you saw him again I'm sure it would make you realise that he really wasn't that great and you're much better off with your current partner!After this, I cannot stress enough, absolutely delete and block him from ALL social media. No good at all can come from looking through his photos and torturing yourself!
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