A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have somehow managed to get involved with 2 guys at the same time and now I don't know what to do.The first guy I've been seeing for 18 months, with most of that as long distance (flying back and forth a lot). He helped me get out of an abusive relationship and I helped him build his confidence after his girlfriend badly hurt and broke up with him. For 18 months we were basically together but with no commitment and lately I've been feeling that wasn't enough. I also didn't like feeling so tied to my hometown when I'm trying to enjoy living somewhere new. So, enter guy 2. He started at my work a few months ago and 3 weeks ago we got together. We've been basically inseparable since. We have a lot in common (in different ways to me and guy 1) and he's really sweet. I've noticed over the past few days that he's started talking about work a fair bit (he loves what we do and I find it all a bit boring), but other than that he's great. I guess I don't know him as well as I do the first guy, but what I do know, I like.Now, I told the first guy that I now want a relationship, which is more than what we can be to each other. But now he has said he doesn't want to lose me and is now ready for a commitment. I really wasn't expecting that, which is how I come to be stuck in this situation. I have some reservations about the first guy - like why the sudden change of heart! And also, he's almost 18 years older than me and has often cheated on girlfriends in the past. I know you can't tell me what to do, but anything you have to say would help me at this point... thanks for reading!
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broke up, confidence, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Just Diana  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Nothing just happens "somehow"......it happens through your choice!
I actually did not even read the last paragraph of your mail. Come on!!!! Your mail reeks of you needing to end all relationships and just date you for a long time. Do you even know who YOU are? Please, do yourself the kindness and really spend time with you.
A
male
reader, Kenneth  +, writes (22 April 2010):
There is a possibility you will eventually lose both of them. Why not concentrate & date one at a time. Greed & Games are not good in a relationship. Give love, peace & your relationship a chance.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Of course we cannot tell you what to do, plus I think in this cases the answer lies within, and it's only a matter to let it surface. I guess deep down you already have a preference for one of them.
As for me, I root for the second guy. The first is 18 years older than you which may create problems (I did not say MUST- I said "may" ). And-big red flag - he's a serial cheater. They say : once a cheater always a cheater....
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