A
female
age
36-40,
*hygrl
writes:hello everyone..okay for the year i have been talking to this guy. I am really feeling him. I am 22 and he is 41. Now my question is what age is to old when it comes to the matters of the heart? Also i told my close family about the new man in my life and the feed back i got was UGLY. They think his sick for trying to talk to me. However i know his not sick. His the most caring and understanding man i have ever known. However my family will not talk to me till i stop talking to him. What should i do? I think its wrong that they are making me choose between my man and my family. I am so lost and can used all the help i can get!!!! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2010): If you really Love him then you have to stand up to your family. If they want you to choose between him or them what you may need to do is let them know that they may be on the loosing end. I once had to show my own mother "tough love". I told her that if we parted under the way things were then that she would never see me nor her grandchildren. It did get through to her in the end and she understood that I would face life on my terms not hers
A
female
reader, MsBehavin +, writes (8 June 2010):
 My husband is 13 years older than me. We both agree that had we met when I was in my early 20's and he was in his mid 30's that it would've been disastrous. We would've had little to nothing in common. But that's just us. Not saying it can't work, but it will probably be challenging.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): You sound young, shy and inexperienced in the ways of the world so I would listen to your relatives but also explore the relationship with your boyfriend before getting intimate with him. You really need to know who your boyfriend is and what he is after with you to have any idea if he is the guy who will be on your side too when push comes to shove.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): in truth this will be a sucky, sticky situation, i won't lie. but your family will, in truth, love you no matter what. first, acertain he's definately the one. is he healthy? does he have a bad temper? how well do you really know him? think this over and if you're still sure, just talk to your family. And if your family doesn't stand beside you, tell some trusted friends and let them support you. no matter how much heartache we go through, everything will eventually work out, god bless
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 June 2010):
 You're 22 and an adult. You can be with whoever you choose to be. That seems like an extreme reaction from your family to make you choose. Are you sure there isn't more to it than his age?? Is there something else in him that they're telling you about??
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Well, I think the biggest issue they may have is that they don't understand how a man his age could possibly have anything in common with someone your age. I think that they are concerned that the main interest he would have in you is more of a sexual desire than love. However, it's very possible to have a fulfilling lasting relationship with someone older like that. There is always exceptions. TRUE love on BOTH sides may not have age limits, but it is often too hard to tell if it's really true in these situations. Just know that you are a grown woman and you have to do what you believe is best. As far as your family, just know that what they say is mainly out of concern for you.
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A
male
reader, Ovid +, writes (7 June 2010):
Ah, so you are in love, are you? What matter is it of your family? But you are 22 and young and lively and vivacious and he is 41 and not so much, but tells you he loves you. Do you want security or love and relationship? Families are always jealous because they see you as part of them and not of yourself. Jealousy is sick. You are better off without it.
Use your own good sense and seek your happiness, your passions, your security. but remember you are young and your heart can be used against you. True, clear love, should be your guide. Ovid.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 I wouldn't want my daughter with a man almost double her age, and personally i find it quite sickening too, so i understand why your family aren't supportive.
However that said........
Not all people of his age are disgusting pervs trying to get it on with a youngen to manipulate and dominate, and do all the terrible things your family are imagining he is planning, so my advice is, You have to do what makes you happy, and if you chose to continue with this man, then take things slow, and please try not to let your heart rule your head.
If this man is your destiny, your family will see he is a good man, by the happiness he gives you.
But please, keep your feet on the ground, and see things as they are, the age gap is huge, and the generation and life experiences are so so different.
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