A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My girlfriend says she can't be with me at the moment because she isn't 'feeling herself'. She said she needs time alone. We have been together for two months, I think she is seeing her ex boyfriend. She said that she wants some time alone for a few weeks, but its killing me not being able to see her. She asked if 'i would wait for her'. I'm really confused by what she is saying and it feels like she is going to try to get back with her ex boyfriend and if it doesn't work then I am the back-up.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 May 2008):
Well if you are choosing her over being single then you can't complain about her any more.
You have your option to leave and find some one better and you are choosing to stay and be messed about.
The fact that you have such low self esteem that you are so scared of being single is quite worrying. You may want to work on that.
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the kind words. She is messing me about today again. She doesn't want to come and see me and has just booked a holiday, which means she won't be able to go on holiday with me.
I don't want to be alone and feel like she is better than nothing, however I don't want to keep feeling empty due to her actions.
I just want her to be honest about what she wants. I feel like she is only staying with me because she feels guilty.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): You love this woman, but she has feelings for her ex. It is not fair of her to put you in the position. You were very brave to tackle her over this.
Wait by all means if you think that she may eventually be able to give you the love and intimacy that you deserve. You deserve better than waiting for this woman to choose you, you desrve to be number one in any woman's heart.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice guys. I saw her today and i told her i love her and wan to be with her.
She said she wanted to be alone and had feelings for her ex boyfriend.
I told her to make decisions for the future and leave the past behind. We went to the cinema and had a few drinks and things were just great.
I don't know how much she wants to be with me though and feel like I am deluding myself a little bit. I just hope she loves me just a tiny fraction of how much i love her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): Yes that is what is going on. She's keeping you for the back-up incase her pursuits with others don't work out. Tell her that you know that is what she is doing, and that you arn't a fool & aren't going to hang around for her. If you really want to be with her, tell her at the end of your converstaion that she can call you when she's done messing you around.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 May 2008):
Well you can ring her up and ask if she is seeing other people while on this break.
Tell her you are willing to wait for her if she really is just needing some time to herself.
I can believe her story though. When you are in an intense relationship you do take on aspects of the other person's personality. She may just have realised she's changed and got a bit scared that she's losing herself.
You've just got to take the gamble on this one. If you do decide to trust her and wait for her then you can't accuse her later on or hold it over her though. That wouldn't be fair. Get it sorted out in your head now.
Good Luck!! xx
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