A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently started dating this new girl. She's amazing, smart, funny, we get along really well with each other, we have a lot of the same interests and we just have a lot of fun in general. There's also a lot of genuine physical attraction there too. We've been dating for about nearly 3-months now.The issue is age - I'm 22 and she's 30. I've never thought of that age different being overly bad. She was 29 when I met her, and in all honesty, I never even thought about her age. I just don't have a problem with it. I wouldn't care if she were 18, 30 or 40, we have that much fun together and have that strong of a connection I can overlook something like a number.But the thing is that everyone we know frowns on it. All of our friends and family think it's really weird that I would date someone so much older than me. And all of her friends think that she's being stupid wasting time on someone like me who's working a low income job and still studying. I can more or less shrug it all off, even if my own family disapprove, but I can tell it's starting to get to her. Lately she's been preferring us to stay in rather than go out in public on dates, and she's more or less been telling me to "grow up" with certain things. i.e. I still do some non-adult sort of things like read comic books, play video games, watch cartoons etc. and she's been telling me that I should maybe stop doing things like that so much if I want to have a serious relationship like an adult.I like her a lot, and she tells me that she really likes me a lot, but I'm starting to wonder how much. She told me the other week how I make her feel younger, even though I keep assuring her that 30's nowhere near being old. But it's starting to make me feel that she's only with me because she can't let go of her youth.I'm at a loss for things to do. I've asked her if other people's opinions about our age gap bother her, and she just flat out says no, but I really think it's bothering her. Is there anything I can do to make things better, to perhaps make her more enthusiastic about us again?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 June 2012):
 I’m 52 and my guy is 39. He watches cartoons and plays video games (so do I but for exercise)… we play board games together for our hobby. So I don’t think that the issues she is bringing up are AGE related so much as personality related.
An 8 year difference is not huge but at 22 and 30 it can seem that way.
If the roles were reversed and you were 30 and she was 22 no one would think TWICE about the gap. Why is it that older women with younger men make the world so crazy??
Women live longer than men so it makes more sense for women to be with younger men. Men sexually peak at 18 women at 35 so it makes WAY more sense for women to be with younger men (for the most part if we speak in generalizations)
A serious adult relationship means you are both happy with how things are. IF you are playing games and not doing things that need to get done, then that’s one thing, but if you are doing it as part of your relaxation at the end of the day, that’s another. Are you still in school or are you working at your permanent career full time? At 22 I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up so I was still very immature. I didn’t actually become a grown up till about 35 (one divorce and two kids under by belt already)
30 is NOT old but if she feels old (and I” sure with a 22 yr old bf she feels old as my 39 yr old fiancé makes my 52 year old butt feel ancient sometimes)…
I HATE being called COUGAR and I hate that folks say “YOU GO GIRL” like I PICKED my younger man because of his age… thankfully his response is “it works for us” and that’s all we need.
Society is really OK with older men and younger women but still very OUT THERE about Older women and younger men for some reason…
IF the only problem she has is with other people’s feelings, she has to get past that and your matter of fact, accepting and approval of the situation will help.
However, I think that her complaints to you about cartoons and video games are saying that in truth she does not find you mature enough for her at this point… until you both are on the same page about what is and is not acceptable behavior in your relationship you will have issues.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 June 2012):
 I don't mind cartoons and video games. Ask her what adult activities mean? You are surely having a lot of fun together. When you are alone she doesn't get to dictate what you do. I think she is trying to elaborate what's really bothering her. She is not really doing a good job here. Nothing bothers her until she hears people talk. If she is not a mother, other people may be worried that you are not serious and in case she gets pregnant you don't want to be responsible. By the time you are financially independent she would be 35 and above. She would be taking a risk should the relationship end she will have wasted 5 golden years of her fertility. Telling you stop your video games would not you more ready for paying bills and taking care of a baby. It would not ease her fear that when things are tough that you will run off with a younger girl with less demands.
I think the only thing that makes her feel secure is that you propose to her AFTER you have a solid plan for the future, and be ready to take care of her and the baby within 5 years.
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