A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating (officially) my boyfriend for only 2 weeks, but for 3 months we've been on and off, like acting like a couple, but with no commitments. Getting together, I thought all the hard times would be behind us, because we had such a horrible start haha. It's the opposite, he's so weird now. He spends all day with other people, gets grumpy and tired at night, so now all I see is him happy with other people, and grumpy at night with me (the only time I get with him due to work and college) Then in the morning he's totally normal, cuddly etc and because of him being grumpy the night before, I'm grumpy in the morning.It's like I'm constantly punishing him for being tired, like he'll grump at me, so in the morning, I'll grump at him so that he knows how I feel. But he's to stupid to know I'm doing this, he just thinks I'm in a bad mood. :/ So we're pretty much not talking, because I already feel so unloved by the guy, it's like I'm just a friend that sleeps in the same bed as him at night. I spoke to one of his friends today and she said he constantly says nice things about me, always talking about me etc and that he loves me to bits. So why is it so difficult to act like a normal loving relationship? Why does he always have to be with other people and make me feel like I'm not interesting enough to spend any time with. :/She said it happens. She told me that she's married and that after some time, the guy gets to comfortable, and feels like he doesn't need to be nice, or loving and just expects the girl to put up with however he is. I don't want this, I want some give and take, I've given up a lot for him, and he seems to just want me to deal with whatever he has to give. :/
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female
reader, Candid Cally  +, writes (6 December 2012):
You have been together on and off for 3 months and official for two weeks.
"So why is it so difficult to act like a normal loving relationship?" your relationship is still very new. It is obvious that neither of you are comfortable talking about how the other is making you feel. Passive aggression--you grumping at one another--is not communication. You need to discuss things. If he is in a bad mood ask him how he is feeling, whether he would like a hug or cuddle or something to take his mind off of things.
'Why does he always have to be with other people and make me feel like I'm not interesting enough to spend any time with.' if you had the choice between spending time with friends who make you smile or with a person who catches your bad mood, reflects negative emotions, and grumps at you first thing every morning who would you spend time with? Your friends are going to win over the grump.
If you do not talk to him about how you feel, he will not know how you feel. Many men, especially younger men, are not very empathic. Women can deduce feelings better than men. If you just grump at him in the morning he assumes you aren't a morning person. He has no idea that you are treating him poorly because you are irritated with him blowing you off the night before.
If you want a real, genuine, adult relationship with this guy you need to learn how to communicate with him.
You've been together for a very short period of time. Please remember that two weeks of being 'officially' together is still only two weeks even if you were emotionally invested in this 3+ months ago...if he was largely the reason for the 'on/off' part of this, he sees you as being together for two weeks.
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