A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I'm wondering how to deal with an argumentative partner? I have tried to quit talking and walk away, I have tried to sit and listen, I have tried to give my feedback, I do ask what's wrong? I have I tried giving space for a day or two but nothing I do works.Little background, he was not this way in the beginning he hid this side of himself well. We have been together over 2 years. Little things get him agitated easily.for example we can be talking and he will get upset of I don't do things immediately. I'm sorry but I don't always have time to cater to his needs. I have my own things on my life I'm trying to do as well. He seems to have money issues and thats a big part of his moodiness , so he says. However, I don't feel he has the right to take his problems out on me. I have discussed this with him but he gets defensive quickly so I basically can't get my point across Thanks for your comments and advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2021): Do you love him ?
Do you like him?
Do you hate him ?
Do you find him cute?
Do you have good times ?
You need to write a little letter or text to him saying he needs to get help if you are to stay together , he clearly has past issues and it's not as simple as 'get over it ' he needs support and someone who cares . Only you know if your the one who cares enough. If he refuses to get help then save yourself but if hes willing to get help and you love him then support him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2021): Is your "partner" your husband, or your boyfriend?
It depends.
He's becoming irritable and grouchy, because he's frustrated about his life; and you're the closest person to him. His captive audience! He apparently has no friends, or a social-life of any kind; so you two are probably cooped-up together all the time.
He wasn't always like this, or could it be you were much more tolerant of his moodiness once upon a time?
Seems to me the relationship is past its expiration-date; if this "partner" is just some boyfriend, who thinks you're nothing but his sparring partner. No diamond ring, no nonsense! Let him take a walk, and keep stepping until he's in another time-zone!!! Maybe you should let his mother deal with him from now on.
Boyfriends are not held to the same standard, or given the same privileges, as a husband. You took no vows promising to deal with his foolishness. If you didn't agree to stick around under the "for better or for worse" clause in a marital-contract; when things grow worse, that's when he has to go!
Sweetheart, you're still in your prime; and there's no sense in wasting your precious years. If you've got kids, then there's more to consider. You didn't mention any, so what's the hold-up?
Husbands are expected to keep their promises to honor and cherish you; while you vowed to do the same. Therefore, you'll go to counseling; or do whatever it takes to salvage your "marriage."
I can hear the clock ticking! It's getting louder and louder! Your patience is growing shorter and shorter!
I've said it so many many times. Boyfriends are disposable, and they are replaceable; when they get ornery, or too much to deal with. You don't have to put-up with the hassle; but if you're going to keep him...shut-up and put-up!!!
He's not a child you can threaten with a time-out! He has freedom of speech; and he chooses to put anger and aggression behind it. How's your nerves, girlfriend?!!
When's the last time you wanted to hug and kiss him? No, when was the last time you felt like strangling him? If you find yourself gritting your teeth more than you smile; it's only a matter of time!
You can't control a grown-man. He is not a bratty-kid that you can discipline and send him to his room. He's got a burr up his butt all the time; and you're catching hell left and right! That's what you're going to be putting-up with from now on. Imagine what he'll be like a year from now!
Do you think he'll be around that long?
Advising women with troublesome or abusive-boyfriends who won't let them go is a waste of advice. They ask how to fix or change him? That takes an act of God! How much do you pray?
The solution is always simple. You put him on the other-side of a locked-door leading to the outside, and change the locks. Then you go find another compatible, and less irritable, boyfriend.
You do what you've gotta do to find your peace, sister!
If he's too precious to you to bounce his bum on the pavement, and he's nothing but some guy with no documentation that says he's your husband. If it doesn't take a lawyer to get rid of him; you can let him become some other female's problem. There are endless options! He can move-out, and go live by himself; where he has nobody to aggravate but himself!
It's a no-brainer, but are you afraid that if you got rid of him, you couldn't find anybody better?
Could it be, you don't think you can get another man?
"...but I love him!" That's the disclaimer that tells us our advice will go in one ear and out the other!
If he's just your boyfriend; the fact is, your relationship is based on an honor-system. That keeps you together only for as long as you can stand each-other.
If it doesn't require a legal process to part you; point in the direction of the door, and suggest he take all his belongings with him. You can even pack your own things, get a moving truck; and let him see your rear-end as you hit the road!
Your post tells me you're at the end of your rope. You don't need our advice. Give it a few more months, weeks, or days; and check back with us. I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 June 2021):
 You have tried various ways to make communication with your partner work, HE is making no effort to reciprocate?
Seems like it's an "MY way or the highway" kind of attitude. And I don't see how you can make much headway with that. YOU can not change HIM. You have tried to adapt and it hasn't worked out.
So what do you do?
Can you read minds? No? Then how are you to know what he wants all the time? And WHY are you supposed to drop whatever to do something for him? Because HE wants that?
And no, a rational person would not think it's OK to take out their trouble on their partner. Is he venting? Or blaming you?
How often does this happen?
Is the relationship more GOOD than BAD?
Do you live together? Do you see your relationship continue if he continues to behave this way (considering that it is UNLIKELY he will change)?
He is moody, has money issues, and no communication skills. Basically.
Is that really the guy you want as your long term-term partner?
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