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... Send *epaiva a private message | | | *epaiva's profile:Hi there, my name is Vanessa but almost everyone calls me V, I'm 24 and I live in South Africa. I'm currently in a 4yr relationship-which no doubt has it's ups and downs, from jealously to money problems....
I have a BA in Psychology and I'm all my friends agony aunt, actually one of my friends suggested I look into agony aunt as a career but it makes me happier and I feel more fulfilled when I help others because I want to and not because there's a paycheck behind it ;-). . . .So here I am not to try solve your problems for you but to help and encourage you to have the strength and the self confidence you deserve to solve your own problems.
And of course to talk if you just want to talk :-)
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When you are in a love relationship...what is your thoughts on how things should be?
Q. relationship between two people in love what is your definition of how things should be? i have tried to explain it's meaning to my bf and he still doesn't seem to get it. ...
A. 12 February 2007: A relationship can mean many things to different people.
A relationship is meant to fulfill what you want and need at a specific time in your life. Such as a relationship between friends-it fulfils the social aspect of your life where you are able... (read in full...)
Is there a difference between dating a "man" and dating a "boy?"
Q. Hello, I'm an 18 year old University student. This is going to make me sound lame, but I didn't date much in High School. I mean I had plenty of opportunities and 1 or 2 flings, but no real relationships. Lately I've been getting close to this ...
A. 9 February 2007: It's understandable where your mom's coming from. She's scared you're going to be too vulnerable because you haven't dated very much and because he's a little older then you and probably more experienced.
Relationships can bring with it a lot of h... (read in full...)
I know she is THE ONE!!! Should I let her go?
Q. I am a 33 yr old male. About one year ago I met the love of my life. I have been through two marriages and divorces and this has enabled me to grow and know what I need and want in a partner. This woman is all of that and more. She is my first true ...
A. 9 February 2007: You sound like you truly care for this woman. It's unfair on you that she strings you along.
I can personally understand why she finds it so hard to leave this other guy. She gave him her virginity-it's an incredible hold he has on her. She need... (read in full...)
Are saying loving words really important for guys to hear? Any thoughts?
Q. i confronted my bf of not calling me honey again, he told me that he chooses not to coz of what he had saw at the past when he snooped my cellphone and found out the text of my ex in another languange he thought that one of the words in theyre ...
A. 8 February 2007: Yeah I'd think so. They are human just like us, they feel just like as-even though at times they don't show it. They want affection just like us.....
Give and show him all the feelings you have for him, you'll see a difference straight away-you will... (read in full...)
My ex gf respects my feelings and won't date this guy. Am I being fair to her and him?
Q. Hi, Apologies for a long question. I am a 19 year old guy. Five years ago I met a girl and we dated for a few months, then broke up and became best friends. We have both had other relationships since, but remained very good friends throu...
A. 8 February 2007: It sounds like you might still be in love with her but you have not realized it. That aside, you are being unfair to her by not allowing her to find happiness.... Are you jealous of your guy friend?
She has been very loyal to you by respecting how ... (read in full...)
My husband had an affair...should I stay or go??
Q. I've been married for 22 years and just founded out husband had an affair for 4 years that he broke off 2 years ago. Should I stay in this marriage and move on?...
A. 8 February 2007:
This is an extremely hard situation to be in, and my heart goes out to you. The amount of pain that comes with finding out that you were betrayed by your partner can be very overwhelming, especially since you've been together for so long.
Every... (read in full...)
My guy is choosing his son over me - now I'm thinking I won't attend his family get together!
Q. hi everyone... My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and next week end we are attending a family get together (his family) and we're all meeting up in a hotel for a few days which is great! The thing is he's bringing his son with him...
A. 7 February 2007: Well that's a cheek!!! You need to make him realize that you want to be an equal part of his life, you don't want him to put you before his son but you also don't want him to put his son before you. He needs to rethink his priorities. Make him real... (read in full...)
My bf tells all his female friends that we're just friends, too. I don't want to be hidden!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 months and hes told all his girl mates hes single and that me and him are just friends, a fair few of hes mates know about me n him. I havent even met hes parents. Does he even want to be with me. Im a pre...
A. 7 February 2007: Communication-you need to tell him how much this is hurting you and that you need to feel that he is proud to have you by his side. He sounds embarrassed of you. He needs to make you feel important and significant to him.... If he doesn't meet you... (read in full...)
I believe if you get alcohol mixed in with dance and loud music and another man... something will eventually happen!?
Q. Long Message, any advise on my situation would help: I have been going out with my GF now for 7 months, our age difference is 3 half years, I am at University (working in industry for a year at the mome) she is studying for a-levels). It wa...
A. 7 February 2007: Your relationship is so young (short) and already full of problems. Maybe your insecurities and dependency on her aroused because she's not putting in as much of an effort into the relationship as you are. It sounds like you give more of your tim... (read in full...)
We have a troubled relationship, lots of on and off! Should I continue this way with him?
Q. i started dating a lad 3 yrs ago and fell pregnant, he didnt want to know about the baby, then we got back together then split up then got back together my daughter is 3 now and we are still together, we dont talk we dont make love we dont cuddle or ...
A. 7 February 2007: You know very well what you should do....
You sound like an independent women and you deserve so much more then this guy. He is draining you of all the love and goodness you have to offer. Be realistic, after more than 3yrs and he still can't tell... (read in full...)
Our family got in the way of our happiness, now we've broken up!
Q. My partner and i have been living together 3 years 6 months and we had our ups and downs,we have been through alot together we now have moved to the UK far away from our home country but strangely our parents came on a holiday after 2 years and ...
A. 7 February 2007: You say you've been together for 3 and a half years and you've been through your ups and downs-this sounds like one of your downs. Why is it so hard to get through this one? No matter what relationship you in there will always be problem with the ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I like him to control me during sex?
Q. Is it normal that I like him to control me during intercourse? He's very dominant and tells me what do do and I like it! Is this normal? It never leaves the bedroom, but still......
A. 7 February 2007: You've got nothing to worry about and in my books it's absolutely normal-as long as it doesn't leave the bedroom. As long as your relationship is 50/50 thing then its fine.
A lot of women find it a turn on to be submissive in bed (I know-I'm one ... (read in full...)
You don't know what you've got until it's gone! I didn't want to commit her in the past but now I think she's the love of my life! But she's engaged now! What shall I do?
Q. I started dating this girl about three years, everything went fine but she wanted a commitment that I didn’t want to rush into. Then one night she turned up with another guy at the pub. I was completely shattered. Because of my pride, I didn’t say ...
A. 6 February 2007: Well you were an idiot. But at least you realize how you feel. You say that she likes you and that she prefers you to him, so I don't think you should give up just yet-after all they not married yet so you still have a chance.
Never give up on true... (read in full...)
I fancy a guy 20-years older than me. I can't stop thinking about him!
Q. Hi I am a woman of 33 who works in a bar part-time. I have been divorced after an 8 year marriage for a few months now. My ex-husband turned out to be gay. So these past few months have been about re-discovering myself. I am ready for a relationship ...
A. 5 February 2007: Love has nothing to do with age, there are many other factors that that play a role in love such as mutual interests and similar backgrounds. I am very proud that you took a few months to rediscover yourself and didn't just rush into another ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me, but I want him back, but he wants nothing to do with me! What should I do?
Q. I split up with my partner last November and we were going to remain friends, but this has been hard because I kicked him out of my house as he had been cheating on me, not just once but a few times with the same woman. I love him and still do, we ...
A. 5 February 2007:
I always say once a cheater, always a cheater. I understand the amount of pain you must be going through, he was your first love and your true love and to top it off he cheated on you.
You shouldn't be ashamed that you went through his stuff-yo... (read in full...)
He's with her but says he wants to be with me! I am hurting, so what should I do?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 17 years now and I have been happy with him up until the last year and and half don't get me wrong I love him, But we spend all our time at his place in his bedroom that's the way it has always been I go every where ...
A. 5 February 2007: You sound bored with your relationship, you always at his house and you do everything he wants to do-which is unfair on your part. You need to make him realize that a relationship should be a 50/50 thing. One day you do what he feels like doing and ... (read in full...)
How can i get over him??
Q. HELLO!!!! U c im 13 years old and ive gone trough allot!! First my last 2 ex Chris and Kevin were much older and only wanted sex!!! i never gave it to them so they dumped me!! Then i told my homeboy that i loved i was Bi he stoped talking t...
A. 5 February 2007: Let me start off by saying that I’m proud that you didn't give into the whole "I’ll stay with you if you give me sex" relationship.
You shouldn’t worry what people think about your sexual orientation and you shouldn't change who you are so that... (read in full...)
My bf believed his ex wife, when she accused me of abusing the kids! Now he doesn't trust me! Advice, please.
Q. my bf has 2 kids and i have 1 he is 14 years older than me and his ex wife is causing trouble 4 us the most recent thing she has said is she has accused me of being a child abuser i love his 2 kids and would neva do any thing 2 harm them in any way ...
A. 5 February 2007: Your problem here seems to be that the ex is getting in between the two of you and she'll do anything to try to split the two of you-she's probably jealous. Communication is so vital here-you need to let him know how you feel, tell him you don't ... (read in full...)
He is a brilliant man but does he have a self-dutruct button or something? I have lost all confidence in his stability and I am scared witless.
Q. My boyfriend is under huge pressure and so am I. He is going through an awful divorce which is causing him to lose contact with his kids. He is giving up all his assets. He persuaded me to buy a house with him. My little boy and I have been ...
A. 5 February 2007:
I cannot possible understand what you're going through as I have not experienced anything like this, but my heart goes out to and your little boy.
Put aside all that is going on and think about your feelings for him-if you truly love him then wit... (read in full...)
I kissed him and felt nothing! Do I like this guy with the good looks and the amazing smile?
Q. do i like him? he's got a smile that would make people melt. the most amazing good looks. but how do i know if i fancy him? i did go out with him, but i had doubts and ended it. he's still interested, but am i? i dont think we'd be friend...
A. 5 February 2007: You're reading too much into it. You've had doubts before and you're having them again-so you know what the answer is.
You probably hurting him as well because you're stringing him along-flatter him a bit (make his day) but just tell him you not ... (read in full...)
Can I ever find a man who will just love me straight away, without having to leave and then...deciding to come back?
Q. Dear Cupids I have been very unfortunate with relationships. I ve never had a longterm affair with a guy. The longest would be between three weeks and six months. My ex boyfriends are either were not ready for commitment at the time we were tog...
A. 2 February 2007: You're longing for someone who will feel the same way about you as you do about him and that he puts in as much of an effort into the relationship as you do. It's hard to find that kind of connection. If you still feel that connection with any of ... (read in full...)
The girl he cheated on me with, is still in his life! Leave or stay?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years now and we have grown really close to one another he's been through alot of struggles and I've helped him I've let him stay with me in my house for months whilst he was sorting himself out. Over a year ago I ...
A. 2 February 2007: You've done alot for this man an he might just be taking advantage of you. I understand that we all make mistakes and I do beleive in a second chance, and it's very big of you to give him that chance. Most women wouldn't and most would loose out on ... (read in full...)
We split, he said he hates me, but we still work together and he owes me money! What should I do?
Q. I hope someone can shed some light on my problem... I met a guy abroad 5 years ago and when i decided to return home a year later he came with me and we set up home together in my home country where we lived happily together until last November. W...
A. 2 February 2007:
From all that you've said, he's being immature about it. You obviously still love but he doesn't feel the same way about you. I know that the last thing you want to hear is that you should move on and that there is someone better out there for.... (read in full...)
HELP ME! I'm an emotional wreck! He's acting really strange and frequently lying. What should I do?
Q. im 22 and in in my first relationship, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years moved in with his cousin and has changed , he doesn't like me asking him anything anymore for example, i can't ask him what time he's done work,where is he going, what is he ...
A. 2 February 2007: I can totally understand where you're coming from, the same kind of thing happen to me about 2yrs ago. We were so close and we would spend all our free time together, and he'd tell me everything without me asking a thing. Then he closed up and I was ... (read in full...)
I love my gf but there's another who likes her a lot...what should I do about this guy and her?
Q. hi, my problem is i go out with a girl who is 2 years older than me. ive known her about 9 months an have been going out with her for about 1 month, i love her much but i dont think she loves me. we both go to school and there is a boy in her year ...
A. 2 February 2007: At your age all i could think about was having fun, wish I could be that age again. You sound like a nice young man and a little mature for your age and there's nothing wrong with that.
This guy probably likes her too and because he's older than... (read in full...)
My bf ignores me-should I date my friend's brother who does really like me?
Q. I love my boyfriend very very very much. I love him so much. We're drifting apart, he never talks to me except on weekends. How do i keep him with me? He talks to his friend 'Jadeo' more then me, and it really bugs me. Now a new problem ha...
A. 2 February 2007: I can understand that you have strong fellings for your bf but if he doesn't show you that he cares then what's the point of being in the relationship? And i know how hard it is to let go of someone you really like, and no doubt you'll feel terrible ... (read in full...)
My bf and I want to have sex on Valentine's day to make it special. But I can't because of my mom. How do I tell him?
Q. ok me and my boyfriend have been going out for 5 months febuary 7th and me and him want to have sex on Valentine's day but my mom won't let me have a boyfriend or even close to have sex but anyways, he wants to make it perfect because it is my first ...
A. 1 February 2007: Your first time should be special and you should be ready for it, mentally, physically and spiritually. I know at your age the last thing you want is to be told not to do it. No one can make that decision but yourself. Your mom has your best ... (read in full...)
We seemed pretty close but since he's come back he's been really cold to me. It's hurting me inside. What's going on with him?
Q. i'm seeing this guy quite sometime right now,actually he's my classmate..we watched movies,talk several hours on the phone,hang-out with his friends and we even kissed..what i can't understand is that,for 2 days that he has been absent,the moment he ...
A. 1 February 2007: Well in my opinion you should ask him if he's ok and if you've done something to ofend him in any way. If he ignores you, confront him and tell him that you deserve some respect and that if anything is wrong with him you want to help because he ... (read in full...)
My sexist boyfriend thinks it's the womans job to cook & clean. He refuses to do the housework, I'm so fed up. What can I do?
Q. hi i have been with my b/f for over 2 years..he is great in some ways BUT he is a momma's boy..meaning he grew up in a household where it was "women's work" to cook, clean. The men did not do this. I definitely know this because i have seen his mom ...
A. 1 February 2007: It's probably not he's fault that he thinks this way-he was socialized into thinking this way. You need to show him that you understand where he's coming from but he also needs to understand you. In today’s world-like you said-it's a 50/50, give and ... (read in full...)
She has a boyfriend but has feelings for me as well. They are having problems and I feel like I'm intruding. What should I do?
Q. i'm in love with this girl and she has a boyfriend. i expressed my feelings and turns out she is currently facing some problems with her bf. she currently has feelings for both me and her bf. she is on a "break" with her bf but i feel like i'm ...
A. 1 February 2007: It's never nice being the third wheel, and I can understand where you coming from. But as with everyone who will advice you on this issue-it's best you keep your distance and shelter your heart because there's a great chance you will get hurt. ... (read in full...)
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