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It was a no strings sex encounter, the fact I slept with someone doesnt make me a cheat right ??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 September 2006) 8 Answers - (Newest, 27 September 2006)
A female , *owromi79 writes:

Before my boyfriend and I actually got together,we basically started with screwing each other.We both barely knew each other and so forth. From what i had assumed we were just messing. I slept with him and slept over his place 2 nights in a row then i informed him that i wasn't looking for a commitment nor a relationship.i told him what we were doing was fine and nothing further. He wanted more than just the sex,but i didn't. After all that screwing with one another, a friend of his came by,to make this long story short I had sex with him too, just one time. The guy i started messing with soon then became my bf. He found out about me and his friend. My bf thinks i had cheated but i don't. I just wanted sex no commitments and what not. Did i cheat even if at that time i had no feelings for him. We at the time were just in it for the sex. Did i cheat?

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A female reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):

Toria agony auntNo you didn't cheat as you was honest and upfront about what you wanted from your now boyfriend and he was aware of where you both stood.

The problem is he had feelings for you and it was his friend therefore you've hurt him and slept with someone else that is close to him so it's like two people have hurt him and broke his trust.

Hope this helps :o)

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A male reader, David Lewis United Kingdom +, writes (26 September 2006):

David Lewis agony auntI totally agree woth lostandalone.

This is all about the guys own self worth. I knew my partner was cheating and got a private detective to keep tabs on her. I got pics of her having sex with another guy on many occasions. I destroyed the pictures, but the images are superimposed in my memory forever.

This is sort of the same situation. He has the knowledge of you and this other guy and will be reminded every time he sees his friend.

He can forgive, move on, but can never forget.

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A male reader, Lostandalone United States +, writes (26 September 2006):

Lostandalone agony auntFrom a guy's point of view, what you did was foul. Now he has to live with the stigma of you and his friend. I'm sure all of his other friends know and everytime you are around them this will be on everyone's mind. They will talk about it behind his back and he will find out. They will talk about you and he will find out. No man wants his friends to know how is girl is in bed. Technically you didn't cheat but he does feel cheated.

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A female reader, Astrid Spain +, writes (26 September 2006):

Astrid agony auntYou did not cheat on any of the boys involved it0s good to see that some ladies are brave enough to live their sexuality as they will and that they're psychologically strong like you to cope with just sex

good luck

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A female reader, Donnah +, writes (26 September 2006):

Donnah agony auntFirstly, No, obviously in your eyes you did not cheat on him "TECHNICALLY". But to a man's eyes...well you did. That's why men go through the who did you date, sleep with list in the beginning of a relationship.

Secondly, I hope you are using protection! To barely know someone and sleep with them...with no strings attached well, you may be a nympho. Hey, been there done that. Had sex with as many guys as I could to put a notch on my belt. But these days my dear is not a good time to be doing that. You have HIV, AIDS, Herpes every disease and even diseases yet to be discovered are simply DEADLY.

Now, if you do this it may have low self esteem.

You are worth more than you think. Remember that! You don't need to sleep with anyone to fit in or to be accepted.

I don't know how old you are or where you're at in life...protect yourself, protect your heart and protect your integrity.

My biggest business was with men who respected me. I never had sleep with any of them.

Back to cheating....well, sounds like you want to be with this guy. Write a letter of the truth and hopefully he'll understand. Guys are like dogs, TERRIORITORIAL. That's why they get "pissed". LOL

Good Luck to you. Hope this helps.

Ciao!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

If you both had made it very, very 'clear' with each other, that this relationship was not exclusive, then who you slept with, I would say you didn't cheat. That likely is not the issue but screwing his friend..someone he knows, was pretty insulting to your bf. It's obvious, his emotional boundries have come down and he now wants more of a committment-but he can't trust you nor can he shake the image of you boinking his friend. In his mind, the trust was not established and he may always wonder who'll you will give it up to next, should a temptation hit you. This is the problem when couples start a relationship based on just sex. Of course, you know what I'll say next. I consider sex as a physical manifestation of sharing the heart so sharing your body is an intimate and private moment reserved only for the one you love, the person who accepts and loves all of you.

Both you and your bf used each other, in the beginning. You basically had no strings sex. But I don't think he expected you to have sex with his friend. Until you both discuss this issue and he changes his mindset, he will always feel this way. Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with a young man who doesn't trust you? No, it doesn't seem fair but this is the way it is for some people. xxSoulsistaxx is right on the target with her assessment. And remember, irregardless of what the status of your relationship was at that moment in time, he didn't have sex with your friend..you did it with his friend. And therein, lies the biggest problem. Hope you can work this out hun...good luck.

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A female reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx United Kingdom +, writes (26 September 2006):

xxxsoulsistaxxx agony auntNo, I don't think you did cheat. If you let him know when you were having sex that you didn't want any commitment and he carried on with the arrangement, regardless of the fact that he wanted more, then you did nothing wrong. Just because you became girlfriend and boyfriend later doesn't mean that you cheated at that point: it's only cheating if you were together officially at the time you slept with someone else.

I can understand him being hurt, you having slept with a friend of his. This must be upsetting whether or not she is your official girlfriend or just someone you want to be your girlfriend. But he can't expect you to just be with him, even though you clearly informed him that you didn't want to be together properly.

If you hadn't let him know you didn't want anymore than sex, then I'd understand where he's coming from: he may have thought there was more there than there was. But you let him know where he stood so he can only blame himself for letting this happen.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2006):

You made it clear that you didn't want a relationship with your boyfriend before this so having sex with his other mate does not make you a cheat. You weren't officially going out with your boyfriend at that time so you did nothing wrong

x

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