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*ostandalone agony aunt


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I am a 32 year old male from the US and I have alot of general life experiences. What qualifies me to help other people is the fact that I am an observer of life. I am an avid reader and majoring in mathmatics and psycology doesn't hurt. I am currently single(going through a bad break-up). I just enjoy helping people and I am very open-minded.

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Too close to the ex for comfort...

Q.   I moved in with this girl 1 year now and she has changed a lot. First of all she has two kids both who has different biological dads. Now she is pregnant with a baby from me. Her secound child's dad does not pay support or take care of his child ...

A.   20 February 2008: It sounds fishy to me and if I were you I would want to get a DNA test. 6 years is a long time to be with someone and that love doesn't die overnight. Plus they have a child together. What she is doing is a bit much and you should say something ... (read in full...)

I just want my family back!

Q.   Back in July I found out that my husband was having an affair. He broke it off with her in September. Somewhere in the end of November I found out that they were back together Then I found out that she had deliberately taken measures (without him ...

A.   15 February 2008: Irish and I have butted heads on this issue numerous times over the past couple of years. This time I am going to agree with her on SOME aspects. I have been that man (I wasn't married though) and the bottom line he has to stand up and be a man. ... (read in full...)

Am I right to ask my ex if she has sex with this new guy, or to wonder what are their plans? We still share activities in common as friends and I'm jealous!

Q.   Hi there. I have been in a serious relationship for the last 7 years. Serious as in total love, mortgages, kids etc etc. The relationship ended in october, this is how. In September my ex told she wasn't happy, even though she had just signed to a...

A.   14 February 2008: To answer your question: No you don't have a right to ask her about her private life because you all don't have that type of relationship anymore. You're not a couple you are parents...Now what I really think: As a man who has been there and done ... (read in full...)

My estranged wife wants me back now I have met someone new. Help!

Q.   My wife and I have been seperated for a year. I made it clear to her that I had no choice but to move on. I tried for 9mos to get her back and she said no at every turn. I recently met someone. My wife started looking into the divorce papers and ...

A.   24 January 2008: You know. Fact is human nature is to want what you cannot have. I don't think your wife actually wants you, she just doesn't want anyone else to have you either. Feel her out and tell her that you need time to make that decision as you are happy ... (read in full...)

Do his reasons for masturbating to his exes picture sound valid?

Q.   i am in a relationship with a 29 year old man (i am 41). we've had a very good relationship in and out of the bedroom thus far. however i found out recently that he has been masturbating to old nude photos of a very recent ex-girlfriend. what the ...

A.   24 January 2008: I agree with the previous post. He is not over this woman and is making up lame ass excuses to get away with it. That has to be the dumbest thing I've ever read. "Getting back at her..." What is that saying that sex with him is that bad??? I ... (read in full...)

I think my girlfriend might be cheating on me

Q.   hey guys, i have suspisions that my gf is cheating.. i hate to that but i cant help it. been dating for about 2 years now and shes being so weird lately.. everytime i ask to see her phone, she has to delete her msg's first. she always goes with...

A.   9 January 2008: Yeah she's cheating. She's just mapping the right time to let you go. She'll never confess but she will break your heart if you continue this way. Just back off slowly don't break and run. This will leave her with no option but to open up more ... (read in full...)

Why did my ex-girlfriend lie?

Q.   hello there, 3 months ago my ex broke up with me just as we rented out a place together, she never really given me a satisfying answer she just kept on saying it's her and not me. I thought maybe my temper brought it on. Also, she just joined a...

A.   5 October 2007: She's selfish. She wants to play the field and have you there also. I think most people call it "having your cake and eating it too". She wants the guy she loves (you) to hang around while she plays around with someone else. She was with you and ... (read in full...)

He didn't add me on facebook b/c it would annoy his ex, and more! Is he over her or what?

Q.   Is my guy over his ex? I have found rude pictures of him n his ex(with whom he broke up 2 yrs back),everytime i ask him about her, he is overprotective n blames me of not trusting him. He avoids my questions and blames me instead.He visit...

A.   14 September 2007: I agree with basschick. He isn't over her yet. I can say that I did the same sort of thing when I broke up with my ex. I only used the other girls to pass the time. If she had of taken me back I would have tossed whomever I was with down the ... (read in full...)

She was secretly meeting w/ another guy. I don't know what to do about this!

Q.   Is it cheating if your fiance is talking to another man when you are at work and meets him out at restaurant without you knowing and the only way you found out is by a friend telling you? This was going on for a month with him calling and then her...

A.   12 December 2006: Its all up to you. You have to want to make it work but its not going to happen overnight. It takes talking and listening and understanding. Was it something you could have done better? Is it something missing? These are just example questions. ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for feeling like I'm being put on hold! He says there's the chance of getting back together later? I don't agree.

Q.   My boyfriend, of 2 yrs, and I broke up about 10 days ago because he realized he is not ready for marriage. His job is relocating him to another state in about 3 months. He's thinking of our break-up as possibly being temporary because he may ...

A.   11 December 2006: Move on and explore new things and people. He's giving you the green light to do so(as if you need his permission). I think that you should go on with your life. Don't be put on hold, holding on to hope that only you have. Put simply, I've been ... (read in full...)

I date her but she and her ex still love each other! I'm unsure as to what to do?

Q.   The girl im seeing is in love with her ex still,and her ex loves her. They still see each other and go shopping together,but i don't like her seeing her ex,as she spends more time with him then with me She says that they are just "friends". She ...

A.   11 December 2006: Leave her and her ex alone. Think about it, she's telling you that if he would have her back then she would go. I'm sure she likes you but she loves him and they do have history together. If and when he asks her back she will go and you will be ... (read in full...)

Friends with benefits?

Q.   What do you say when a guy says that he only wants to be friends? Yet wants to have sex? I feel like a whore!...

A.   11 December 2006: "Friends with benefits" is a sham. Don't reduce yourself to that. I have been approached by some female friends of mine with the same offer. I don't want to degrade myself like that. I want to be in a committed relationship. I want making love ... (read in full...)

Does taking a 'break' from relationship help?

Q.   hi everyone, just wondering.. do you think taking a break from a relationship helps ? ...

A.   11 December 2006: A break, space and time are all the same thing. Its pretty much over. You won't look at the person the same way, especially if the other person asked for the break because normally they have other motives. In my experience when someone asks for a ... (read in full...)

Should I follow my heart and not give up on my ex?

Q.   When my bf broke up with me he said it had nothing to do with me and that it had all to do with him. He told me that he still cares about me alot but he doesnt love me. He was the one to came to me about saying the "L" word. We date...

A.   5 December 2006: I think this is a classic case of taking a friendship to far. I think you two were better off just being friends and he realizes that now. If you want to sit around and wait on him thats fine for you but I wouldn't.... (read in full...)

She broke it off - now she wants to move in together as friends! Is it a bad idea?

Q.   Hi, I have been in a brief relationship with a wonderful woman who was my friend beforehand. She has now ended it and wants to go back to being friends. She wants us to move in together as housemates as neither of us have our own house and rent ...

A.   2 December 2006: If you feel that way about her than I suggest you continue to rent own your own. You were fine by yourself. It's her idea to be in the same house not yours, so obviously she has some financial problems or other problems. Think of this, what ... (read in full...)

How can I get over my ex? I can only go two weeks w/out talking to her!

Q.   What's the best way to just disconnect with my ex. She just broke up with the guy she was seeing and I'm dying to be with her but she just doesn't seem to be interested and almost seems to go out of her way sometimes to avoid me at get together. I ...

A.   2 December 2006: I had the same problem. I just stayed away from her and our mutual friends. Its hard as hell but it is possible. After about 2 months she was calling me and asking me out but by that time I had realized I could live my life without her, yet I ... (read in full...)

Will my family disregard him because he's a muslim?

Q.   I am in a li situation here! Need some advice! I have been kinda seeing a lad for a while, who is such a nice guy, he's kind, caring and recently told me he loved me (I didn't say it back as I dont feel that way) Only one problem... I com...

A.   28 November 2006: If you care for this man then be with him and your family will soon follow suit. Now for the Muslim talk and Christian talk and so on and so forth. I am a muslim and my religion teaches me peace. 72% of prisoners all over the world are affiliat... (read in full...)

We flirt..have sex occasionally..we talk on the phone for hours. Is this a normal friendship between ex lovers?

Q.   Don't know what the status between me and my ex is! Are we just friends? We know each other inside out because of our long-term relationship, we do flirt a lot and occasionally end up doing sexual stuff, but we don't take anything we do very ...

A.   28 November 2006: I agree with everyone else here. I was close with my ex like that. We would hang out, hold hands, kiss and even have sex if the mood struck but when she started seeing another guy things got messy because we both still had feelings for each other. ... (read in full...)

My ex and I started over, but she cheated on me! I don't know what to do. Please help!

Q.   Hi, I've never posted to something like this, but I find myself at a loss. I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years with a woman I love very much. For the first 2 years, things were quite good. About 6 months ago, we broke wa...

A.   28 November 2006: I have been there but for me the shoe was on the other foot. Talk to her but do more listening than talking and get some directive not for her but for you. This will let you know where her heart really is. ... (read in full...)

I don't know if our relationship is over for good. Any advice?

Q.   My boyfriend about 2 weeks ago told me that he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore and that he needed time. He is 30. I am giving him this time. But, I am so confused. He told a friend of his that he wants me to be more independent. I totally ...

A.   27 November 2006: I think SHANDY POP hit the nail on the head. Take it as if you are finished and give him ALL the time and space that he wants. Don't sit around and wait for the phone to ring as you will go crazy. Maybe in the future but who knows. By that time ... (read in full...)

My ex and I started over, but she cheated on me! I don't know what to do. Please help!

Q.   Hi, I've never posted to something like this, but I find myself at a loss. I have been in a relationship for the last 3 years with a woman I love very much. For the first 2 years, things were quite good. About 6 months ago, we broke wa...

A.   27 November 2006: Whoa!!! That is definitely a hard pill to swallow. The cheating, from my point of view, is the least of your concerns. Its the lying that I am more concerned about. Whatever happened while you two were apart is fair game but for her to just not ... (read in full...)

The sensible thing to do is make a clean break but...I don't want to hurt him! What can I do?

Q.   Hi there. I split up with my ex boyfriend 18 months ago. He didn't want to break up because he loved me. I was honest that I didn't feel the same, but I care for him a lot as he is a kind, good and genuine person. We have tried being friends si...

A.   25 November 2006: Trust me a clean break is the best thing. My father described it to me like this: When you break a bone, you go to the docter and you get it set and it heals normally. If you leave that break messy it becomes infected and it never mends properly, ... (read in full...)

I love her very much, but she wanted 'space'. How do I win her back? Any tips?

Q.   Please help me. My gf broke up with me a couple of months ago, she said she needed space and just wanted to be friends, until she got her things sorted. When we met we just clicked and it was awesome. Recently she said that she couldn't promise that ...

A.   25 November 2006: There is nothing you can do to win her back. Give her the space she asked for and you take some space of your own. More than likely she just wants to see what else is out there and doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you just that. Go ... (read in full...)

Is it possible to remain friends after love is lost?

Q.   Im having trouble letting go of my ex she keeps calling me. no matter how often I tell her I am not coming back she often finds away to call me. especially on weekends. She makes no sense. when I was with her I warned her about her losing me. She ...

A.   21 November 2006: For me it has never been easy to be friends with ex's. I choose not to. Its just to hard in the beginning and once you haven't had them in your life for a period of time then why bother. Go on with your life. I know its hard but don't answer the ... (read in full...)

We broke up and found new partners..but I love my ex gf so much! What should I do?

Q.   after 2 months i still love my ex girlfriend and we now both have new partners. we went out t chat and ended up kissing, i feel strongly for my new girlfriend and my ex girlfriend likes her new boyfriend alot but we have both decided we need to be ...

A.   17 November 2006: Follow your heart and trust your gut.... (read in full...)

My ex has some sort of hold over me and I just can't say No to him!

Q.   Went out with this 18 year old guy December/January last year, who had a reputation for getting through women pretty quickly. I was 15 and had very low self-esteem, new to the whole relationship thing and fell in love with him, mainly because he was ...

A.   16 November 2006: You're obviously going to have to be the stong one in all of this as you can see it won't be him. Decide what it is that you really want and get it. If you want him back tell him and if he says he can't do it then you move on and find someone ... (read in full...)

He looks miserable, and so am I. Should I have another go with my ex?

Q.   Do I try one last time with my ex? After 7 months apart I met up with my ex recently and was shocked to see him looking a state and he appeared to be really miserable.... I realised even though he hurt me greatly after finishing our 6 year ...

A.   16 November 2006: I don't agree with bby gal06 because people do break-up and get back together and it works. Not all situations are alike. Just because it didn't work for her doesn't mean it won't work for you. Sometimes it takes being apart to make a person ... (read in full...)

Guys: do you like girls who are hard to get or girls who chase you?

Q.   Do guys like the girl to chase you or play hard to get? Do ya'll like girls who you can run all over or a strong women who thinks for herself? And in a long term relationship not talking months but years together when ya'll breakup even the person w...

A.   16 November 2006: Personally, I like a little of both. I like to chase but not for an extremly long time as I will lose interest but if its too easy I tend to lose interest.... (read in full...)

I want her back! Should I leave her alone.. should I continue talking to her and just hope for the best?

Q.   I just broke up with my gf about 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years until one day she just told me she didn't want to be with me because she wanted her own space. Later i find out that she was talking t some guy from work 2 days before we ...

A.   16 November 2006: Why torture yourself? My father told me when I was a teenager to never ask questions you don't want to know the answer to. You can find someone else to talk to I'm sure. I know its hard but your sanity depends on it. I went thru myself so I know ... (read in full...)

I want her back! Should I leave her alone.. should I continue talking to her and just hope for the best?

Q.   I just broke up with my gf about 2 months ago. We were together for 3 years until one day she just told me she didn't want to be with me because she wanted her own space. Later i find out that she was talking t some guy from work 2 days before we ...

A.   16 November 2006: Well, I agree with babygirl up to a certain point. I wouldn't even give her an ultimatum. I would just leave her alone. She's right on one very crucial point. Never play second best. If she can't make up her mind thats fine but don't you have a ... (read in full...)

I'm physically ill because I cheated on her! What should I do??

Q.   ok i am dusgusting i did something so bad its eating me up inside. i have a great gf and ilove her so much, but i cheated! i never thought about it but when i was out my "best friend" slept round my house with 2 other people and we ended up ...

A.   13 November 2006: I don't know what's the best answer in this case. I cheated and confessed. It broke my ex's heart. She is still hurt almost a year later. I sometimes wish I hadn't but at the same time I know that holding that in would have eaten me alive ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with them both and don't know what to do. Help!

Q.   I am torn between my gf and my ex. I would like to get back with my ex, but am still madly in love with my gf. There are days when all I can think about is my ex and would give up everything for her, but other days, all I think about is my gf. Me ...

A.   13 November 2006: I've been there. Its seems as if its like what Jovial said its between what you want and what you need and most people end up going for what they want or what they think they want. Its good that your not playing mind games with them and you can ... (read in full...)

We broke up so what do I do. NO contact or try talking to him?

Q.   I am 22 years old and my boyfriend on 5 years broke up with me about 2 weeks ago we never talk and I never see him i have read alot that if you want a man back then don't chase him and give him some time but i also read that if you do want a future ...

A.   13 November 2006: Honestly, I have tried both approaches to getting my ex back before and the "No Contact" thing worked as far as her missing me but she found other outlets, like another guy. Then calling her and going out with her made her content in the situation ... (read in full...)

I feel he still loves me and is in denial on this. Am I fooling myself?

Q.   If a guy tells you that he loves you and he never wants to see you and him break up but then out of the blue he turns around and says that he doesnt love you and he doesnt want a girlfriend or a relationship but he still wants to stay friends does ...

A.   13 November 2006: NO CONTACT!!! Let him make up his mind. GIve him time and space. The worst that can happen is he will never call you again and the best is he will come back. He has to know exactly how it feels to have you out of his life and he can't do that ... (read in full...)

LAdies, why does this girl walk in and out of my life and hurt me all the time?

Q.   ladies please help i need your advice. Well here it goes I was with my ex for about a year when she broke up with me. It hurt more then anything in the world because i loved her. After about 2 months of no contact she called me out of the blue one ...

A.   13 November 2006: Once again I agree with rhythmandblues2. STOP GOING, STOP ANSWERING THE PHONE AND STOP BEING HER FALL BACK GUY!!!! She will continue to do this as long as you let her and your self-esteem will allow it. Have a backbone and tell her to GO TO ... (read in full...)

After cheating, is the love ever as good again..can you forget and does time heal?

Q.   Just a simple question but i'd like to hear from people who've been cheated on and are still with their partner.... Is the love ever as good as it was and will you ever forget it (not bring it up)?? Does time make it easier?...

A.   10 November 2006: I think so. That is if everyone is willing to make it work. Irish is right on one thing. You will never ever forget and then again why should you??? It should be ammunition to make the second time around work. Think of how it hurt and how ... (read in full...)

My ex bf wants to be just a good friend but I really want him back! What should I do?

Q.   Hey everybody. I was wondering if anybody could help me on the update of the ex-boyfriend situation! My Ex recently started talking to me again, to which I did not object, and when he asked why I had been ignoring him, my reply was "I needed time."...

A.   10 November 2006: Being friends with an ex is a difficult thing, especially when you still have feelings for them. You need to take your time and resolve these issues. You obviously went back to soon as you still have feelings for him. Meeting and dating other ... (read in full...)

Do most guys shoot their load early the first few times?

Q.   Do most men have the problem premature ejaculation the first few times they have sex (like when your a virgin)...

A.   7 November 2006: A lot of them do. Most of the time they are over anxious. ... (read in full...)

What is skinny-dipping?

Q.   What is skinny dipping as i heard it from my friends...???...

A.   7 November 2006: Skinny Dipping is the act of swimming in the nude.... (read in full...)

I think she's having an affair! Was I right to question her?

Q.   I have been seeing my girlfriend for just under a year. She changed jobs a few months ago, and now works long late hours in a golfclub bar, mostly at weekends when I am off work. She is very outgoing attractive and enjoys men's attention, but tells ...

A.   6 November 2006: She's hiding something. My ex did the exact same thing and she was actually seeing another man. Watch out and be careful.... (read in full...)

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