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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Never been kissed: how do I learn what to do?
Q. Hello everyone! I am 17 years old and I recently just got into my first relationship. I have never been in a relationship before because I was always to focused on my GPA (it's a 4.0). Anyway this girl has some experience which kind of makes me ...
A. 24 February 2011: It's not stupid, everyone has been through that phase at some point. Do you think other people magically knew what to do their first time around?
It sounds like she's already pretty understanding, so just keep that in mind to take the pressure... (read in full...)
Fake Profile...
Q. Hello all.. Last week, I had went against better judgement and "tested" my boyfriend with a fake profile. (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-fell-for-the-the-fake-profile.html) Although he did message back and forth a bit, he didn't...
A. 24 February 2011: Stop for a moment and think: You *lied* in order to see if *he* was trustworthy. Twice.
That by itself should tell you why he's upset.
Do you think he trusts *you* now? Should he?
Now, instead of asking how you can make it up to him, you'r... (read in full...)
How to approach a girl?
Q. Well there is this girl at school that i like and i dont really know how to approach her. I sat next to her in one of my classes and she did'nt mind it but i was nervous the entire time. i actually couldnt believe i made such a proactive move ...
A. 24 February 2011: Just don't make a big thing of it.
See, girls like attention, and like being asked out. What they don't like is pressure. Act like it's no big deal - because, really, it isn't.
Don't apologize for it, either - nothing like, "Sorry, this is ... (read in full...)
HOW do I find the right guy???
Q. I need some advice ! :) you see i tend to get used a lot, either that or guys just want no strings attached sex with me. i cant seem to attract guys in the way they want to go out with me or go on a date with me . They just want sex or a thing wi...
A. 24 February 2011: Just want to second CaringGuy's advice. Re-read it and follow it, it's golden - particularly the first paragraph.... (read in full...)
Are Love Stories Real???
Q. What I want to know is simple really. Are love stories real? Unlike popular belief, Im a teenage boy who doesn't want to get into some girls pants and I don't think about sex all the time like many my age. What I want is someone who can truly make ...
A. 24 February 2011: "I thought if you care about a person enough they would eventually come to you. "
That, I'm sorry to say, is the great lies we tell kids when they're growing up. You don't get a girl by caring about her, or by wanting her, or by doing all the ... (read in full...)
What matters?
Q. So I've been around with confusion, what matters to a girl? I've heard size. I've heard Technique. I've heard Stamina. Which one is the one that actually matters, I heard size doesn't matter too much as long as you're around 6 in, Technique I have ...
A. 24 February 2011: I hate to say it, but it depends on the girl. You'll have to get to know each one individually.
As for the meaning of "technique," it's a catchall term for your technical knowledge of her erogenous zones, your ability to stimulate them, and how ... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 22 February 2011: "Rape" should be the Godwin's Law of relationship articles.
@ Chigirl
While I love arguing about gender dynamics, the OP (Dirtball) pointed out that arguing about equality wasn't the point of the article - admitting to and working on our p... (read in full...)
Facebook Ruined My Life
Q. Is it just me or is Facebook a total head-wreck? Personally, I see it as one big popularity contest. I mean it is so pointless. Why not go out and meet your friends for real, instead of giving yourself a headache trying to think of the 'coolest' ...
A. 21 February 2011: Log on for 30 seconds a day to see if there's an event up, or if your cousin in Connecticut is still alive. Check for birthdays if you have a hard time remembering them. Then log off and pick up your phone. Easy enough.... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 21 February 2011: "Firstly, because you can* compensate for past injustice by creating more injustice..."
*Really should have said "cannot." I'm hardly typo-free, but that's a game-changing one, right there.... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: @ AngelDLite
I agree, the "historical inequality" argument may explain a bulk of the biases. I think it's an incredibly destructive way to behave, but you're right, a lot of folks act that way.
Firstly, because you can compensate for p... (read in full...)
How Personal Bias and Gender Stereotypes can Influence Advice
Q. I write this article knowing full well it will not be received very well by some. I can only hope that this article will still be allowed due to the merits of the argument I am presenting. I have noticed on multiple occasions a prevalent double...
A. 20 February 2011: Nice one. I wish I had seen that first thread. (In before "But I don't have any double standards!" - I'll be the first to admit I have them)
And you're right, it is sexism at work. People who won't hesitate to use the phrase "man up" will cri... (read in full...)
Are People Parasites?
Q. You only have to stray into the world of biology and you will see the resemblance between humans and parasites. Ok let me explain... The nature of parasites... A parasite lives on a living organism, known as a host. They contribute nothing ...
A. 19 February 2011: This appears to have nothing to do with relationships, but I'll bite.
If your definition of "parasite" just means consuming resources in order to survive, thrive, and reproduce - all organisms are parasites. That's what living things do. The onl... (read in full...)
Why do people think of single mothers as taboo and easy? Need help finding decent men!
Q. It's been two years now that I've been doing the single parent thing, (I'm over my divorce). And... I can't tell you how disappointing it's been for me, to merge back into society with a different status. I recently stopped attending this mega chu...
A. 19 February 2011: The only answer I can offer is patience and perseverance. As you point out, dating as a single mom is tough, especially if you're also trying to maintain a stable environment for your child.
I can offer some insight into the male thought process,... (read in full...)
Is it weird for a male teacher to call you hunny?
Q. Is it weird for a male teacher whos like 30 to call a 14 female hunny? Cause today in class i went up to him privately and asked him if i could redo a quiz and he was like whats that hunny? and he kinda tends to flirt sometimes... but i dont know if ...
A. 19 February 2011: Only if he's from a southern state. It's a cultural thing there. Had a teacher in high school from Georgia who called every boy "son" or "scout," and every girl "darling" or "missie." I don't think he used a proper name even once, outside of ... (read in full...)
I broke her heart and now I have to fix it because I love her
Q. Ii I'm having a hard time coming to grips with why my ex-girlfriend is treating me so bad and won't speak to me anymore. Grant it, I broke it off because I cheated on her to be with my first love which by the way didn't work out. I've done ...
A. 18 February 2011: Best thing you can do is move on. If she hasn't already healed (which I suspect she actually has), the best way to help her get better is to let her carry on with her life, without you.
I know you don't want to hear this, but you've lost her. Le... (read in full...)
I love him but I hate his guts!
Q. My ex-boyfriend damaged me. I have not moved on. I cried day in and day out behind the dirty way he dumped with a phone call at two in the morning telling me we were over and that he had moved in with his ex that previous day. There's no need to ...
A. 18 February 2011: Sometimes, when an attractive asshole dumps a woman, it makes her question her own attractiveness. This is especially true after age 30 or so. He's the one that got away, and made you feel unwanted and unloved. The fact that he moved on right ... (read in full...)
Does a full moon affect people's behavior?
Q. dear readers i was just wondering as tonights a full moon what people think about the moon having an affect on peoples behaviour? do you think it is possible? some people claim to feel more in love on this night and some claim to get angry faster t...
A. 18 February 2011: There can be a placebo effect. If people 8think* something works, they will *act* like it does. Like if you give a chick a sugary drink and tell her it's alcoholic, she'll start to act drunk.
But no, the moon has no direct effects on our beha... (read in full...)
Wife's libido is higher than mine. What do I do?
Q. What do I do if my wife's sexual rate is higher than mine?...
A. 18 February 2011: You can work to improve your own sex drive. Go to the gym, or just be playfuilly sexual all day. Foreplay begins when you wake up. Kiss her for five or ten seconds before you go to work, walk up behind her in the afternoon to hold her from behind ... (read in full...)
I'm independent and I want to court him!
Q. I really like a guy. We dont talk because we feel akward around each other. I live in a conservative family but im thinking of courting him even though im a girl.Is it ok? Or should I wait?...
A. 18 February 2011: There's no harm in trying. If you're really good, you can probably make him feel like he was the one pursuing, not you, and get around that whole "conservative" thing.
Find out what things he likes to talk about, get him talking aobut those th... (read in full...)
He won't go down on me anymore
Q. Ok so i have a bit of a sexual problem. My boyfriend does not like giving me oral. We have been sexually active for about 2 years now out of a 3 year relationship but at the begining he liked giving me oral. At the begining he gave me oral everytime ...
A. 18 February 2011: Well, oral comes standard. SHould be something both do for each other.
SImply refusing to give him blowjobs anymore woul donly make the problem worse. Talk to him - and choose a time to talk when he is't stressed, distracted, or horny. Make it ... (read in full...)
Which girl is better?
Q. Girl 1. She is attractive quite popular and seems to be nice enough and I really like her. I have never spoken to her though:( Girl 2. Likes me in that way and is a nice person kind and funny. I don't like her in that way and she is not as p...
A. 18 February 2011: Dude, chicks might care about popularity, but no guy ever should. Why would you care whether or not she has lots of friends? Only things that matter are her personality and her looks.
So, the first chick, you like because she's hot. You don'... (read in full...)
Is a cheater always a cheater?
Q. do u think once a cheater is always a cheater? thanks for ur comments in advance....
A. 18 February 2011: Nope. Cheating is a deliberate act which takes, at the minimum, several minutes to do. Cheaters have every chance to think about what they're doing, and deliberately ignore it.
Cheating is a deliberate betrayal.
So, while I could forgive a ... (read in full...)
Why won't he even hug me? Let alone touch me?
Q. hi. um, i've been with this guy for like three or four months now. something that's kinda bugging me is that he's one of those guys that hug people alot, yet he barely ever touches me. i'm not saying i want sex[i really dont. i'm too young anyway] i ...
A. 17 February 2011: At your age, it's possible he gets erections around you and is embarassed about them. It would be less of a problem with guys or other girls.
If he doesn't have one at any given moment, he might be afraid that touching you would give him one. If... (read in full...)
So...does size really matter? Let's put it to rest.
Q. A good friend of mine let’s call him S is going through a very tough, emasculating time. A girlfriend of his made comments to her friends, stating that while she really enjoyed being with him, and that he was a great guy both emotionally and ...
A. 17 February 2011: The way I see it, there is aboslutely nothing you can do about your size. If you're three inches, you're three inches - learn to use it. If you're ten inches, you're ten inches - I hope you are actually capable of getting a full erection. Either ... (read in full...)
In the heat of an argument I slapped him!
Q. Okay so I posted a question earlier...It was a long story so I will make it short. I have been with a guy for six months, we are sooo into each other although there have been some issues. Valentines day didn't turn it good at all, it was terrible...
A. 17 February 2011: A lot of people think physical violence is Pure Evil, but in reality anyone, man or woman, can react badly in the heat of the moment. It's a consistent pattern of violence, or the deliberate practice of it, that is actually wrong. Neither of those ... (read in full...)
What do guys think about virgins?
Q. I'm turning 18 and finishing up my senior year of high school. I am a virgin and do not want to have sex until I am sure I'm with the right person. My mother had sex at 14, needed an abortion and lived a pretty messed up life for a while after that. ...
A. 16 February 2011: Before you get worked up over a guy's opinion (or that of guys in general), ask yourself what really matters. Consider whether other people's opinions really matter in the way you describe.
You're worried that men will not puruse you because ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't have enough sex with me, should I leave him?
Q. My boyfriend is a really good man, he loves me and communicates with me, but he just doesn't give me enough sex. He's only 28 and sometimes I'll want it and he'll say he's tired or after a fight I love make up sex but he says he's too mentally ...
A. 15 February 2011: Have you tried talking to him about it? Not confrontationally, or rudely, just bringing it up and asking if there's something you can do?
He may just need foreplay, too. Rub his shoulders, or just corner him somewhere during the day and start ki... (read in full...)
Am I stupid to feel this way?
Q. I'll keep this simple. My girlfriend of 2 and a half years likes me to send "dirty" pictures of myself to her, or take my clothes off/change in front of her in person. I don't mind doing it, I want to do anything that will make her happy. Bu...
A. 15 February 2011: Pictures will come back to haunt you. Don't do that anymore.
But it is important that she understand th econcept of give-and-take. Besides just being fair, I suspect she would actually be less attracted to you if you let her demand any terms th... (read in full...)
Can someone help me see the logical steps in this breakup?
Q. i've recently broken up with my first love, i've tried to have a 'rebound' and plenty of guys are interested in me but i am really hating being single. I feel like such a failure who will only ever watch it work out for others. He dumped me and told ...
A. 15 February 2011: Getting out of love is like coming clean from a drug. Your body is feeling the loss of oxytocin (one of the three main hormones for love and attachment), and it's like withdrawal.
He may have meant what he said - in which case he already went thr... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm good enough for my boyfriend!
Q. i meet this boy at a party and i went out with him bestmate but we didnt work and me this boy been talking and we got too know each other a little bit better and became really close and attached too eachother, an reccently he told me he likes me i ...
A. 15 February 2011: Girls tend to punish themselves (and the guys they date) if they are being treated better than they believe they deserve. This is not about the guy, it's about you. You would probably feel the same way with any guy that was even remotely ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to get her to fall in love with me!
Q. im in love with this girl who goes to the same college as me and my best friend. I see her every week day because where doingn the same course. were ok friends because we sit on the same table as each other along with my best friend and four others. ...
A. 15 February 2011: Do not buy her anything. Gifts are a reward for girl who has already been a good girlfriend. You cannot woo a new girl with gifts. If you must buy something, bring snacks to the party. Bonus points for something you cooked yourself, like chicken ... (read in full...)
I just want her to be happy and have the love we once had, is that possible? Or is it time to move on?
Q. Hello all. New to this website and looking for some thoughts or advice with my situation. Have been in a relationship, going on 5yrs now. I'm 35 and she is 34. I love her very much and would do anything for this girl. When we first met I was in ...
A. 15 February 2011: Women need two things from a man. Support, and excitement. And in a pinch, support can slide. Not saying it's fair, just something you have to work with.
You provide for her, help her around the house, and take care of the kid. Great. What do... (read in full...)
I even got my crush a rose, but she likes this other guy!
Q. can anyone help me with my problem. i'm 14 and i really like this girl and we're really good friends. she knows i like her a lot and knows i got her a valentines rose but she said she won't go out with me because she likes this other guy a lot. she ...
A. 15 February 2011: OK, it was very sweet of you to get her a rose.
However, I have found that gifts will never, ever win you a girl. Gifts should be a reward for a good girlfriend, not a bribe to win over a new girl. So don't buy a girl things (except maybe co... (read in full...)
How do I swallow without upchucking?
Q. Hi all, Okay, here goes, I need advice about a sexual thiing, so I will get to the point! My partner is offended that I don't swallow and says if I loved him I would (it would mean a lot to him) but I just cannot do it, it makes me want to reach...
A. 15 February 2011: Encourage him to go a few days without drinking caffeine or alcohol, and to spend that time eating pineapple and/or oysters. It will improve the taste quite a bit. Then, like dirtball said, take it as far into your mouth as you can so you don't ... (read in full...)
She says that she has issues to resolve, and until then she's afraid she'll cheat
Q. I met this girl a while back, and we hit it off pretty well. After a few weeks which consisted of a mixture of hanging out, dates (movies, dinner, etc) she confessed to me that she is really into me, but she is scared that she will cheat on me if ...
A. 13 February 2011: Advice_man is spot-on with his analysis.
I would add that this line, "...what she's told me is past relationships have not mattered as much, and if something happened she could just find another person..." should be setting off every alarm be... (read in full...)
Apart from me, her boyfriend is the most perfect person she knows. What does she mean by this?
Q. My ex and I broke up 3 years ago and we live about 80 miles from each other now. Recently she told me, "Apart from you, he [her boyfriend] is the most perfect person I know." What should I make of her comment? ...
A. 13 February 2011: Sounds like she's trying to keep you around for free attention, and possibly as a backup plan if her current boyfriend (or the one after that) doesn't work out. This strikes me not as a genuine compliment, but blatant, manipulative flattery.
... (read in full...)
What kind of things do high school boys look for in a girl?
Q. What kind of things do high school boys like in a girl for them to like that girl? Do they need to look, act, and dress in a certain way for that guy to like them? Is it better to try and be their friend first? But more importantly, what kind of ...
A. 13 February 2011: The more important question is what you are looking for. You have to have a specific goal in mind.
Want one guy in particular? Go talk to him, pay attention to him, talk about things he's interested in, and find subtle ways to touch him during y... (read in full...)
10 Things Guys really want in a woman...
Q. I received a message from a friend on my Facebook fan page and she had an idea for a post for my blog. She inquired if I could write about what men want in a woman. I thought that this might be interesting as well, so I responded to her message and ...
A. 10 February 2011: Great list. Can't help but admire all the work you put into this - usually I only comment on articles because I feel like arguing. When you said you interveiwed a bunch of guys for it, I was prepared to see a lot of the "say they want this, but ... (read in full...)
How much sexual history can you deal with?
Q. To all the guys out there how much sexual history would you be able to deal with about your significant other. Does it matter? What are some reasonable numbers? What numbers would make you least attracted to them?...
A. 10 February 2011: It's more than just a number, the way Illithid said (great name, by the way). I would also look at how they treated past relationships, and at the kind of men they chose to be with.
For instance, if a girl has a had sex exclusively within a... (read in full...)
How do I find a guy that is not bothered by my body shape?
Q. Okay im 16 years old and im 190 pounds. im also only 5 foot 3 so its even worse. i dont even know why but i really want to have a boyfriend but of course no guy wants to go out with me. im not even ugly, my eyes are pretty big and hazel brown, i ...
A. 10 February 2011: "i dont even know why but i really want to have a boyfriend"
I know why - everyone wants someone. Nothing to be ashamed of there.
"my eyes are pretty big and hazel brown, i have long dark hair and my skin is pretty good. my fashion style...... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't celebrate Valentine's Day and I'm disappointed!
Q. I've been having problems with my boyfriend, he smokes (cigs), drinks (even though he's underage), and uses very dirty language. I've often felt that he is dragging me down to his level. Recently, I moved out of my parent’s house into an apartment ...
A. 10 February 2011: You say he's smoking, drinking, and dragging you down to your level. He's mooching off you, and I'm willing to bet your parents hate him. He's had "many" girlfriends despite being 20 or younger, and the breakups were bad enough that he has a ... (read in full...)
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