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*ellyO agony aunt


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Thanks for coming to my column. Yes, i have been there but i am now happily married and i feel with my experiences in life, love and marriage i can help others. I am also a manager in an engineering firm so i can possibly help with some career advice. I am a much softer person in real life so my friends say, but i cant help but tell you the truth because my wish is to help you make the best decision.

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Help! I am seeing my crush in other people. I don't think this is normal!

Q.   I developed a crush on a girl a while ago, Im pretty sure she is into me as well but we are both in longterm relationships. So I have limited contact with her but remained polite with just a hello or a wave. The problem is I am seeing her body ...

A.   5 November 2018: Unfortunately she is already in a long term relationship so are you. You need to divert your attention to something else and avoid close interraction with her if possible. You need to take some time to self reflect and find out for your selves ... (read in full...)

I'm looking for new ways for us to be intimate

Q.   My bf is paraplegic, we get intament using a vibrator, I am looking for new ways to be intament with him so he can be hands free. He is amazing with what he can do, but we are looking for something that feels close to the real deal, any ideas? We ...

A.   5 November 2018: If you want something hand's free what about Oral Sex. ... (read in full...)

How can I deal with racism/ignorance in the workplace and in personal life ?

Q.   I am a white southwestern european woman that has been in this country for almost all my life - I wasn’t born here but I am very Americanized and do not relate to my cultural upbringings (Balkan peninsula area) - I did all my education in the states ...

A.   5 November 2018: I worked outside my home country for almost 10 years before i returned back home. I was in a similar situation i believe some people are naturally curious while some are not and make offensive remarks like "why you dont go back to your country ... (read in full...)

My husband seems to think I am a bank, smokes weed all day and chats with other women!

Q.   Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their ow...

A.   5 November 2018: Please be strong and move on, they are better men out there. Don't give him or his friends money. ... (read in full...)

Why not me too?

Q.   I started my new job about a year ago in a large international company. I was relocated to a different country far away from friends and family. My new team is made up of 5 people all local people apart from me.this year 4 of them got promoted ...

A.   11 August 2013: Hi, If it is a norm for the company to promote new a graduate after a year and you haven't been promoted usually the company should be able to give you specific feedback about your performances. This might help your improve for next time. ... (read in full...)

I'm devastated to discover my crush wants to marry by the end of the year and obviously not to me!

Q.   I'm crying over and over and over :( I m in love with a guy and he also showed many signs that he likes me and I thought he'll ask me out one day.) But When I was talking with him today I realized something . He was talking about his marriage plans ...

A.   9 August 2013: Dear, tell him how you feel. what is the worst that can happen if you tell him. rejection? but at least you will know you tried. but if you don't him you can missing an opportunity here cos he might just feel the same. hugs... (read in full...)

Why would someone cancel a first date? Male perspective.?

Q.   I had met this person twice. The first time we met I was sort of almost judged too soon and we didn't end up speaking that much. The second time we met was by total coincidence at an event. We got to chatting, by that time I had gotten over what had ...

A.   9 August 2013: I asked my husband and he said it could be any number of reasons. Maybe something did come up or he did get scared or had cold feet as you say.Is hard to say really and one would be guessing. but what we both agreed is that if he does try to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has stopped calling me

Q.   For sometime now my bf has not called me,i've been the one calling,the last time i did we agreed to see each other when i come to campus but we didn't cos he didn't call to know if i have arrived so we could see and i didn't call him either cos i ...

A.   9 August 2013: Hi, Please go with Intuition, deep down you already know there is something off as you seem to be the only one trying to make the relationship work by calling him and arranging meetings.Even if he is busy he should call you. No matter how tempting... (read in full...)

How can I get to know new people when I can't even tell them what job I do?!

Q.   My job is highly confidential so I can not really discuss it with people. Nothing illegal dont worry! But when you meet ppl it is the first thing you get asked! I dont know what to say as I dont like lying. I may say I freelance to which they may ...

A.   4 August 2013: Maybe you could find out how your other colleagues handle this issue? Try to find out what they say? Maybe you can do the same. ... (read in full...)

My ex wants another chance. What should I do?

Q.   Hello dearest cupids! Need some opinions... My ex and I broke up 6 months ago. We've both gone through the motions. He has now finally admitted that he seemingly lack of commitment was due to insecurities that he has. He says he realizes he's mi...

A.   4 August 2013: Hi dear Think about the last 6 months without him. How did you feel during those 6 months? relieved or sad? Do you still love him?Also think about all the issues you had in your relationship write it down one by one. Is it a long list? Do you real... (read in full...)

One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?

Q.   So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...

A.   4 August 2013: Are you an alcoholic? Otherwise I am not sure why else he will break up with you because of just a should apologize and if he isn't listening then he is not worth going after as this is not really a deal breaker.If you are indeed an ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend gets upset if I have any contact with males without telling him!

Q.   Please help me... It's a long story but I'll try to make it short, my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 3 years, and he is extremely jealous, he says he wasn't like this before and I destroyed his trust in me and made him a paranoid...

A.   4 August 2013: Hi, Your boyfriend was right about the first guy and you were wrong/naive but i think you have acknowledged that and you have learned so both of you now need to make it a thing of the past. Don't let it affect your future. How i see it is that you... (read in full...)

I'm modest and reserved but seem to attract guys who only want sex

Q.   I seem to be attracting the wrong type of men and I have no Idea why ? I wonder if Im doing something wrong ? I have never been the type of woman to expose her body, I dress pretty classy, I wear clothes that accentuate my curbs, and may show a...

A.   1 August 2013: Yes, some guys will lie in the beginning or agree with everything you are just because they want you. You are doing the smart thing but waiting and getting to know them, cos their true nature will always come out with time. Don't worry be patience ... (read in full...)

Can you get an STD if penis was only 1/2 covered by condom?

Q.   I will like to know if having sex and you found out that the condom is half way on your penis, can u get infected with std,std like that ...

A.   31 July 2013: Hi, Yes there is a]the risk you best bet to prevent std is to pull it right up. Cheers Kelly ... (read in full...)

Is my personal view on sex & relationships so mean or hurtful to others that they have ridicule & ostracize me?

Q.   This is long, my apologies. Hello everyone. I'm almost 21 years old college student who has been alone mostly all of her life. I have never had a boyfriend or never been kissed. Yes, I am still a virgin. I am not an affectionate female. My space is...

A.   25 July 2013: Hi, I have to be honest with you and the truth is that you remind me of myself at 14. I was an introvert and didn't have anyone close to me not even my mom.You see i was close to my grand mom and after she died i became depressed and withdraw... (read in full...)

Boyfriend broke up with me for not having sex with him

Q.   I am 21 years old and in college studying to be a registered nurse,recently I met a guy, he's very attractive and he asked me for my number, he texted me the same day asking me to come to his house.i told him no because it seems like he wanted sex ...

A.   24 July 2013: dear, he is not worth thinking about you did the right thing and it was very smart of you. He was only after sex and you saw right through him. They are decent guys out there who would feel lucky to have you, give it time.... (read in full...)

I'm modest and reserved but seem to attract guys who only want sex

Q.   I seem to be attracting the wrong type of men and I have no Idea why ? I wonder if Im doing something wrong ? I have never been the type of woman to expose her body, I dress pretty classy, I wear clothes that accentuate my curbs, and may show a...

A.   23 July 2013: Hi Anom, Yes this i have heard before from friends. You are not doing anything wrong and you should continue to hold on to your values but you need to understand that there are lots of guys that are impatience and out for sex so don't take it ... (read in full...)

His ex wife still lives with him

Q.   my boyfriends ex wife is still living in the house.she pays no rent and does not contribute to purchasing groceries or paying housing expenses. she is always using his money on her personal entertainment. Instead of being grateful she is always bitc...

A.   23 July 2013: Hi Sabeen, I don't know what sort of divorce settlements they have but unfortunately it is he that can ask her to leave. If the issue is with alimony hence he still responsible for payments to her, one suggestion might be for him to leave the hous... (read in full...)

My long-term boyfriend is not the one for me. How do I go about breaking up with him?

Q.   I am 28 and feel like I want to end my 4 year relationship, but I'm so scared of hurting him I've been putting it off. I have been thinking this for a while but ignored it thinking it would just be a phase, but I know now it isn't. But to him it ...

A.   22 July 2013: Dear Anom, The best thing you can do for him now is to be honest and tell him exactly how you feel. It is not your fault and it happens. The more you prolong it the more difficult the situation becomes and your pity might turn to resentme... (read in full...)

Advice for job interviews?

Q.   Hi, right this isn;t really a relationship question but I wondered if you could still give me some advice. I have a job interview coming up, and I also have to do an assessment centre before hand. I've been to one before and failed miserably as it ...

A.   22 July 2013: Hi Anom, Is a good thing you have been to an assessment center before as this will give you an edge.Don't worry about the last assessment it probably wasn't the right fit. What companies look for in assessment centers include team-work, problem ... (read in full...)

My married friend is getting more aggressive

Q.   I am a single mom and work as a nurse. I have met a physician I really like only to find out he is married. Well, I don't do married but agreed that we can be friends and nothing more. He has made it clear that he wants more but he doesn't want ...

A.   20 July 2013: Hi Anom, You were doing the right thing for not sleeping with him but please don't send him any text message and you will have to completely end it. I wouldn't bother telling him anything just blank him off. Goodluck... (read in full...)

He broke up with me because he thinks I gave him a STD

Q.   ok ,,, i've been dating a guy for nine years , we were on and off , but recently we have broken up , bec we think i have STD , at least he thinks i caught it and gave it to him ,coming from my country , such is a disgrace , so i can't go to see ...

A.   20 July 2013: Hi Anom, Really sorry you are in such as situation. For now your health should be your top most priority.I think is important for you to got for a medical check up and treatment for the STD.I am not saying you have it but just to be safe. Since it... (read in full...)

How do I help my friend who keeps getting involved with the wrong men!

Q.   Hi, I need advice on how to better understand and help a close friend of mine, to whom I’ve been an agony aunt since our teenage years. First of all, I’m not super-woman. I’ve had my own share of heartbreak and loneliness. It just happened that som...

A.   19 July 2013: I am afraid you have to let her make her mistakes until she learns. Of course you still have to keep telling /supporting her if she is truly your friend but there isn't much else you can do that.... (read in full...)

When do couples start discussing the future?

Q.   When do couples start discussing the future? And how do you go about it? This is my second relationship but the first one I didn't go about the correct way and I don't want to mess this one up. If someone could please help me I'd really appreciate ...

A.   19 July 2013: Hi Anom. It depends on how your relationship is progressing and how long you have been in the relationship. Usually is better if the guy brings it up but i think after about at 2 years in serious relationship the woman could ask the question... (read in full...)

Why did he react that way to my confession ? Please help me to understand...

Q.   Hello ! So here it is, sorry in advance for the length of this message... but I'd really need an enlightenment on this :/ I'm at university and I met a guy almost a year ago in class: he is the one that approached me at school. We talk...

A.   18 July 2013: Dear Anom, My advise would be for you to try not to plunder too much on this but if you must i think if he did really like you he wouldn't be annoyed with you at all for mentioning you had feelings for him regardless on how late you think it was w... (read in full...)

How do I tackle my co-worker who is trying to sabotage me?

Q.   Dear Cupid My office colleague/team member always eyeing for my position. I took vacation for days back with my bf. After i came back from my vacation i feel difference in work environment. He took hold of my position acting as if he is my b...

A.   18 July 2013: Hi Anom, Usually it takes awhile to settle back into work after a long vacation. I was standing in for my manager while he was away for three weeks and when he came back he struggled to get back into his role even though i helped in filling ... (read in full...)

Did I ruin things by telling my boyfriend that he has a "grower"?

Q.   me and my boyfriend were getting intimate for the first time. He has quite a small penis but it grew really large when turned on, and much larger than I saw a penis grow to compared to its size when soft. so when I saw what size it was beco...

A.   18 July 2013: Hi Anom, I think men are sensitive on comments regarding this but for your information i asked my husband and he said he doesn't think what you said is a big deal at all not at least not for him anyway. i personally don't think what you said is ... (read in full...)

Would writing to him help me get over the breakup?

Q.   My ex of 4 years dumped me out of nowhere. It's just too harsh for me then. I keep myself busy and move on and I think I'm doing better though I still cried to bed some nights. I think I forgive him in my heart and wish him the best. Does anyone ...

A.   17 July 2013: Hi, Breaking up is hard especially as you've been together for sometime. I think writing an email to him isn't a good idea especially when you are not still completely over it. Part of moving on is staying away from him, rediscovering yourself... (read in full...)

Do you believe there's someone for everyone?

Q.   I think the media hypes love by saying there's someone for everyone, don't give up on love. etc. NOT everyone finds love. I think society just says this to make people who've been hurt feel better, as well as to encourage procreation and sell ...

A.   16 July 2013: Hi Anom, I do believe everyone can find love if they believe. I think some people give up on love too quickly and even when love is stirring at them straight in the face they cant seem to see it.Some people find love and then loose it which ma... (read in full...)

Not sure I can trust him!

Q.   I'm not sure I can trust my boyfriend. I discovered that, the very night we began dating, he had been calling and messaging his ex-girlfriends, asking them to come over. He told one of them "I'd rather not stop seeing you." Nothing has happened ...

A.   16 July 2013: Dear Sarasvati, You obviously don't trust him and i don't blame you. From your post he doesn't seem mature enough for a committed relationship yet and i don't think he is ready to grow up any time soon. At this point in your life you need to find ... (read in full...)

Does getting oral still qualify you as a virgin?

Q.   hey guys just a quick question does geting oral qualify as being a virgin some people say yes others no if you can help please do...

A.   16 July 2013: Yes technically one is still a virgin. But Oral does count as sex and still spread diseases. ... (read in full...)

His ex intrudes and I take my anger out on him

Q.   We've been dating for 2 years now. things are great between us. We both have a kid of each from previous marriage and both kids are all grown (counting the days to send them off to college lol). Lately, I've been having some issue and I am having ...

A.   16 July 2013: I understand how you feel. It is a difficult situation you are in most especially because they have a child. do you know what type of child custody arrangement they have? Nevertheless i agree it is unacceptable for her to show up unannounced.Maybe ... (read in full...)

Why do I care what my terrible ex does?

Q.   my ex boyfriend was horrible and a complete psycho who.locked me in rooms and constantly accused me of cheating. He was mean and a little bit horrible about my children. I split up with him and I dont understand why I look at his facebook account, ...

A.   12 July 2013: Hi Anom, I concur with Aunt llifton, i would block him from facebook and try to move on from him. He didnt make you happy that is what is important. He might or might not end up making this lady happy but that shouldn't matter to you. To be hones... (read in full...)

Is there really such thing as a psychic?

Q.   Is there really such thing as a psychic? Ok, strange question, but please read. I'm 26 and a mother of one. I have a degree in genetics and I'm a secondary (high) school science teacher, so I'm slightly skeptical of all the supernatura...

A.   12 July 2013: Hi Anom, I understand you cos the same happens to me. I never thought of it as being psychic but it was more rather intuition or something. At 14 i had a best friend and she comes and goes anytime to the house anything and my mum loved her. But... (read in full...)

Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?

Q.   Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...

A.   12 July 2013: i dont think so. Love is when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care... (read in full...)

Met a great guy but he's 20 years older and a "happy single". What should I do?

Q.   Hi. I met this man online. I knew he was older than me (51yrs old, I'm 31) but and we became friends, we met up yesterday the first time and we went for a meal and I had a great time, and something else happened I realised I liked him more than ...

A.   13 January 2013: Hi, First get to know him better and see how it goes.Absolutely no sex for the time being until you are sure he is for real and what he is after. Goodluck ... (read in full...)

I'm reacting very badly to this breakup. I'm depressed and anxious, can't eat or sleep. How can I get back to functioning normally?

Q.   I'll keep it very short. Advice needed please to overcome this break up which has caused me depression. I am 34, my Boyfriend who is 29 decided after 2 years together (a year of which living together) he just doesn't love me anymore and in a...

A.   13 January 2013: Hi, I am sorry for what you are going through. But believe me it will pass. Almost everyone have had their heart broken sometime or the other such is life. Six years ago I was in a similar situation as you but here I am now happily married ... (read in full...)

Why can't he love me anymore like he did before? How do I accept his decision?

Q.   hi there my friend my boyfried is ignoring me what to do , we have been in love ,a year, just only when i send him a text sms he write me or call me , he said that he want to stay just like a friend but for a while, why has this happened? ...

A.   26 October 2012: Hi JetaAri, I know it is hard but you have to let go of the relationship. If he is saying he just wants to stay friends that means it is clearly over. I am afraid you have to accept this, move on and your will find someone else who will love you... (read in full...)

I feel betrayed by my husband. Do I confront him?

Q.   Hello Everyone!! This is my first time posting due to some confussing events I witness today. Well I am a 35 yr old women married w two girls 7 and 3. I've been with my husband for 12 years and married for 2.5 years.. I as a women know that he goes ...

A.   17 October 2012: Yes dear I would confront him. Try to find out why he went to this website. Make him come clean with you because is better to know whether or not you really have issues. He says you are ok but this is not a good sign. trust your intuitions as no one ... (read in full...)

Why did he cheat if he loves me?

Q.   Hey I've recently broken up with my (ex) boyfriend who has been cheating on me. I can't seem to move on, he is all I ever think about. I've blocked him on Facebook many times but then I unblock him so we can talk. We have tried many many times ...

A.   17 October 2012: Hi, Is not always easy to break up especially in this case when you gave your heart/all in the relationship and you felt betrayed. why did he cheat? My answer would be because he can. Is that simple and for me if my boyfriend was to ever do that ... (read in full...)

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