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... Send *rmyMedic a private message | | | *rmyMedic's profile:I'm a married, 29 year old from the UK.
I'm a sergeant in the British Army, so I deal with young people (mostly teens), who have all the usual dramas and long distance relationship issues.
My speciality is Medicine I've spent the last 12 years as an army medic, which means I have lots of experience in trauma (which isn't very helpful here), Sports therapy, travel medicine, and GU medicine (Sexual Health).
When I found out about this site, it seemed to be another way to help people out. But I am very straight talking, so please don't be too offended if you don't like my honest opinions.
If there is any advise you should take away from this site it is: Never do anything that you can't explain to a Paramedic and always practice safe sex. |
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| Latest articles: STI/STD what are they and how do you catch them?
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 April 2009: STI/STD what are they and how do you catch them? An STI is a sexually transmitted infection this is the "in vogue" name for what used to be called an Sexually transmitted disease (STD) This can range from pubic lice to AIDS and Hepatitis with m...
Why don't boys reply to my texts?
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 April 2009: Why don't boys reply to my texts? This is a commonly asked question at dear cupid and I understand it really isn't as important as a domestic violence question, but I feel it needs answering. Now this is just a personal opinion and if any guys ...
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Did I "miss the boat"?
Q. Hey, I once met a guy and he asked for my digits, I gave them to him and he promised to call. He called and askd to see me, I agreed but I didn't go because I wasn't really interestd in him. He hasn't called me since then and I recently saw him. ...
A. 8 March 2009: Men don't play hard to get like that, they'd still give you some kind of hint that he liked you.... (read in full...)
Are condoms enough?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while and we have decided we are ready to sleep together, he knows that I am not on the pill (I don't want to) and he says a condom will be fine, which I sure it will be but I am a little concerened....
A. 8 March 2009: In reply to Olivia(Y) the reason you shouldn't use soap is that the chemicals in soap dissolve condoms. Anything that contains detergent or oil will damage the condom, so things like massage oil and baby oil also should be avoided.
If you use lube... (read in full...)
Are condoms enough?
Q. I have been seeing this guy for a while and we have decided we are ready to sleep together, he knows that I am not on the pill (I don't want to) and he says a condom will be fine, which I sure it will be but I am a little concerened....
A. 8 March 2009: Yes condoms are 95% effective alone, you could choose to use a spermicide also to increase the effectiveness to around 98%.
Just make sure you use the condom properly.... (read in full...)
Did I "miss the boat"?
Q. Hey, I once met a guy and he asked for my digits, I gave them to him and he promised to call. He called and askd to see me, I agreed but I didn't go because I wasn't really interestd in him. He hasn't called me since then and I recently saw him. ...
A. 8 March 2009: Yes it's too late! You shouldn't have agreed to go out with him, then stand him up.... (read in full...)
He uses his anger to distance himself from me.
Q. Any suggestions? We have been together for 11 months. However he uses his anger to distance himself from me. Whenever I get upset or hurt over something he does or something that happens he gets angry.. He expresses this anger by distancing ...
A. 8 March 2009: Sounds like a sulky child are you sure he loves you, or does he just say that after sulking for a while because no-one else will have him?
He sounds like a waste of time.... (read in full...)
His "kiss" wasn't exactly what I expected.
Q. I have wanted to kiss this guy I have known for ages and we finally done it last night however, it wasn't quite what I was expecting and by that I mean our lips never touched and I feel like we didn't really connect, he just kinda licked my lips ...
A. 8 March 2009: The first kiss you have with some one is normally the bonding moment in a relationship. If you can imagine kissing him like that every time he kisses you then carry on, if not I'm afraid it's a deal breaker.
I have kissed girls and decided ... (read in full...)
How do I show her that I love her and think about her but that I need some "me time" too?
Q. My wife and I have been married 2 years and she is Filipino. Ever since we got together she wants to be together all the time. Sometimes I just want to go and do things with the guys. She tells me she wants me to do things with my friends but when I ...
A. 8 March 2009: This is one of those cases where you really need to talk to her and really make her understand how much you love her.... (read in full...)
Will my ex boyfriend come back if I ignore him???
Q. I really want my ex boyfriend to come back. He has told me before that during the course of our relationship that he likes a challenge and he that I gave him a challenge in the beginning. Due to his work schedule, we broke up. It caused alot of a...
A. 8 March 2009: Get a new nice guy and move on, maybe that challenge will give him the kick in the backside he needs and maybe in future will respect women a little more.... (read in full...)
25 years old and never had a boyfriend...
Q. I need some help/advice. I am 25 years old, have never had a boyfriend, I have only kissed a bloke once (never anything else). I really like a guy I work with, it's the first time ever that I have actually been attracted to anyone, the thing is I ...
A. 8 March 2009: Well get to know him first, a bit of flirting and see if he asks you out. After a few dates and he's hinting about sex, you really need to tell him you are a virgin, I'm sure he won't mind and will understand that he'll need to take things slowly.... (read in full...)
She won't get back with me yet doesn't want me out of her life... what gives???
Q. I'm 38 and my now ex gf is 24. We were going out for just over 12 months and it was great. Then I walked out of my job and she ended it. I had a few problems at work, nothing big, so didn’t mention them to her until the day I walked out. She said I ...
A. 8 March 2009: Communication is the key here, TALK TO HER ABOUT IT, and don't hold back about anything not matter how trivial you think the detail is.
Having problems at work is a big deal and you should have told her! Also she has had a hard time in the past... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is so close to his male friend that they call each other "baby"! Do you think he's gay?
Q. My boyfriend has a best friend and they have been really close that they even call each other baby. It was until I started to show that I didn't like that, that they stopped but my boyfriend still calls him behind my back even when he sends sms or ...
A. 8 March 2009: NO not at all, boys do this kind of thing and it means nothing except for the fact that they are so happy with there sexuality they know they can joke around to one another.
I really think you are over reacting to this!... (read in full...)
How can I talk to my mom more about ME dating and how I feel I'm ready for it?
Q. I talk to my mom about almost everything except my personal feelings. I never talk to any one person about that. I keep my thoughts to myself most of the time about relationships. Some of my friends are starting to date now, which is kind of new t...
A. 8 March 2009: Well make friends with boys if that's all you want and if and when your Mum asks you about it tell her the truth, you have boys who are friends but not a "boyfriend" and you are not dating any of them.... (read in full...)
Why are boys so immature where relationships are concerned?
Q. Why do boys act stupid in relationships? BUT are smart at any other things like sports or cars?...
A. 8 March 2009: As FroggieGman says girls mature faster than boys. And trust me they are certainly not mature when it comes to cars either!
It's one of those thing you'll have to get used to till you are much older, sorry.... (read in full...)
I'm interested in 2 other girls but have a girlfriend
Q. Well I screwed up real badly. Summing it up real easy. 1 I have a gf thats madly in love with me, I've lost interest 2 I'm madly in love with 2 girls who know nothing about each other 3 Another girl has a crush on me, I like her a bit. ...
A. 8 March 2009: Stop being a player!
You have to look at what is right and in the long run you are going to hurt people, and if people don't like you for it, well to be honest it's your own fault. So get over yourself get some balls about you and sort it out!... (read in full...)
My girlfriend of 14 months split with me, we still see each other, she just won't commit.
Q. We were together 14 months and I thought all was well. Then out of blue she decided to split with me, saying she couldn't be with me at the moment but that she loved me and I have a special place in her heart. Since then we've still seen each ...
A. 8 March 2009: Sorry are you married?
I really think she is taking you for a ride here, she is getting to live the fun single life, while having you running around for her and sleeping with her when she feels like it.
Get a backbone and sort yourself out! Of... (read in full...)
I'm now living in the same flat as my ex and I still have deep feelings for her... help!
Q. At the moment, I feel like my life is pretty empty. I'm a 20 year old student and 7 months ago I split up with my girlfriend of a year and a half, I did love her very much, however, she was so controlling and demanding, it just forced my self ...
A. 8 March 2009: Why the hell did you get a flat with her? Look at the beginning of your post you were thoroughly miserable in that relationship.
You need to find somewhere else to live, and actually start living! Join some University societies and meet new and ... (read in full...)
What should I do if the baby isn't his?
Q. I am a mom of 3 little girls and yesterday I found out I am pregnant again. When I became pregnant with my oldest daughter my boyfriend was delighted. She was a ray of sunshine. 4 years on and I became pregnant again but my boyfriend wasnt the dad. ...
A. 8 March 2009: Thank you Otherstarfish I forgot about Sexual transmitted Infections! Yes you need to get screened for them too!... (read in full...)
He can't maintain an erection and it's killing both of us!
Q. I've been patient for far too long now... I have been seeing my boyfriend for 2 and a half years now. We don't live together and he's an hours bus journey away. I'm 23 and he's 24 and we've never successfully had sex :( when we went on our first ...
A. 8 March 2009: You need to take him to the doctor, there are many reasons for erectile dysfunction, but most commonly it is due to something psychological, also once he has seen a doctor he may get prescribed Viagra. Don't go off and buy this stuff off the ... (read in full...)
What should I do if the baby isn't his?
Q. I am a mom of 3 little girls and yesterday I found out I am pregnant again. When I became pregnant with my oldest daughter my boyfriend was delighted. She was a ray of sunshine. 4 years on and I became pregnant again but my boyfriend wasnt the dad. ...
A. 8 March 2009: Wow how about a little thing called monogamy... that means staying with one partner! And how about practising safe sex! I really think your boyfriend deserves so much better than you, and he would be a much bigger man than me to stand by you if this ... (read in full...)
He abuses me "slightly..but breaking up is really hard to do
Q. I am not happy in my relationship with my bf. He abuses me slightly, like its not that bad, but it does upset me. But the thing is, there is times when I am really happy in the relationship too, and I dont want to let go of those. Within the las...
A. 8 March 2009: And I still stand by my previous answer, just because he isn't hitting you doesn't mean he isn't abusing you, Delete him from facebook, msn and all your other social network sites, change the locks and your phone number and enjoy your new life with ... (read in full...)
I can't feel anything when he's in me
Q. I've been having sex for about six months now but my boyfriend is a little on the small side and i can't feel anything when hes in me. Even when he give me oral and touches me i don't really feel anything. I have to act when we are having sex t...
A. 8 March 2009: If when he gives you oral and touches you, you still can't feel anything I doubt it has anything to do with his size!
Show him what you do to please yourself, then he'll know where he needs to pay attention to.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend beats the hell out of me
Q. My boyfriend beats the hell out of me when I get him upset (he says I'm "getting fly.") He choked me when I was 8 months pregnant (outside), and he beat me up in front of our 2 daughters and my lil sister. I have been kicked, punched, slapped, head ...
A. 8 March 2009: LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW! Go to the police, this is not acceptable behaviour and what will you do when he starts beating your kids up too, or they see him actually murder you!
... (read in full...)
I'm so confused! He flirts with other girls but does he like me?
Q. ok, i have a crush on my friend, we´ve only known eachother for 3 months, but since the day we met he´s been sending mixed signals... he always mentions something about others girls, if he made out with them, or he thinks they´re hot or whatever...
A. 8 March 2009: He likes you and every other pretty girl that he can charm his way into. This guy sounds like me in the bad old days! Be very careful, he is a player!... (read in full...)
Can an affair make our relationship stronger?
Q. My wife of 12 years met a guy online a few weeks ago. She kept me in the loop as the relationship developed into a very sexually driven banter. Now she is trying to meet up with him and ultimately have sex. This has been a roller coaster of emoti...
A. 8 March 2009: Not feeling this one! I can understand her enjoying guys flirting with her etc, but to actually have sex, well in my opinion just to want to have and sexual contact with another person, not my cuppa tea!
But you are both adults and whatever... (read in full...)
I love my best friend's boyfriend--its not working between them
Q. I love this boy and he is dating my best friend. He say that he could see use together. And him and my girl aren't working out. What do you think I should do go for it or lieve the one guy I ever loved?...
A. 8 March 2009: If they aren't working out, wait, be patient and wait a long time, if he is interested talk to him, and arrange once she has a new boyfriend then you can make a move on him.
But beware, this usually ends with you falling out with your friend.... (read in full...)
How can I talk to him? He's playing the "start & stop" game
Q. hiya, well this isn't really a problem, but its annoying me big time... theres this guy in his first year of college, and hes absolutely gorgeous, we started talking last year sometime and he's really nice and always complements me etc and ive met ...
A. 8 March 2009: The ball is in his court now, if he likes you he will make contact, in the mean time see other people, you might find a guy you like who doesn't mess you about, and if you do find someone else, well he'll learn not to mess girls around again.... (read in full...)
How do I back out of this emotional mess?
Q. I was in a relationship and didn't think i could suffer heartbreak because i thought i was tough. i loved this girl, but it turned out she didn't trust me. i can't back out of this emo tional mess. please suggest a way out....
A. 8 March 2009: Why can't you back out? Because you are tough? Come be a man and do what needs to be done!... (read in full...)
I want to squirt!
Q. I'm 21 and I am really feening to squirt. I know it might sound crazy or nasty, but I'm sick of hearing about girls squirting, and I'm not. Is it me or is my boyfriend supposed to make me do it? Can every girl squirt or is it just some? I'm ...
A. 8 March 2009: Silly question, you both watch too much porn!... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants to make love but I'm not ready yet.
Q. Im 13 and my girlfriend is 14 and she says lets make love i said i want to wait what should i do? a=Do it b=wait Please help...
A. 8 March 2009: Answer B - WAIT, does she know what making love is?... (read in full...)
Will masturbation affect my health in the future?
Q. Will masturbation affect the future or health of a boy who is 18...
A. 8 March 2009: No you will be fine, don't worry about it.
And to the anonymous poster. If you are so convicted by your beliefs why do you feel you have to hide your ID!
I think you need to re-read your bible and please quote to me where it says masturbation... (read in full...)
True love? Or kiddie love?
Q. I've been going out with this guy for 4 months.we are both 13 in the 8th grade.im deeply in love with him and he feels the same way.we have had our complications but we stuck it out.yes we are young and making so many sacrifices for each other but ...
A. 8 March 2009: It's true kiddie love! I still feel like a 14 year old when I'm with my wife and that's how I know it is TRUE LOVE!
Enjoy it don't worry about it!... (read in full...)
I'm gay I wouldn't go after his girlfriend!
Q. Hey well i guess this question can be kinda confusing, but here it goes... Okay one of my closest friends knows that i'm gay, so we chit-chat and talk like gal-pals. But her boyfriend is getting jealous cuz were always talking about stuff, tha...
A. 8 March 2009: Come on to him! Then he'll know you are gay and serious about it!
This is a typical boy thing to do, any guy that your girlfriend is close to is a threat until proven otherwise, and I'm guessing you don't have a boyfriend at the moment?
Youn... (read in full...)
He abuses me "slightly..but breaking up is really hard to do
Q. I am not happy in my relationship with my bf. He abuses me slightly, like its not that bad, but it does upset me. But the thing is, there is times when I am really happy in the relationship too, and I dont want to let go of those. Within the las...
A. 8 March 2009: WOW an abuser saying he loves you and will never do it again when you threaten to leave him... Then going back to his old ways. That's unheard of! Oh in fact no, no it's not, is it!
Who is in control here? He is, you let him off when he comes gr... (read in full...)
I don't want to be fingered!
Q. Okay... Right so ive started seeing this boy in year nine and im in year eight... We were talking and i realise that the boys in his year have fingered girls. I dont want to be fingered and i told him that but i dont know if he expects me to let ...
A. 8 March 2009: NO means NO, if he moves his hand down there, move it away and say "NO!" if he has said he respects you he won't push it.
If and when you do feel ready (sixth form should be ok!) Move his hand down there and show him what you like, because ... (read in full...)
Does he like me? Or just enjoy bothering me?
Q. I want to know whether this guy friend at school likes me or just likes to bother me/entertaining himself. I even hesitate on the idea of whether he treats me as a friend.. From Sept 2008, he begins doing stuff like making fun of my height, pokin...
A. 8 March 2009: Well if you enjoy being hit and teased stick with him, but I think the fact that you are here asking means you have doubts about this boy. And
I seriously think you need to hang out with other guys and realise that just because he is paying y... (read in full...)
Does he like me? Or just enjoy bothering me?
Q. I want to know whether this guy friend at school likes me or just likes to bother me/entertaining himself. I even hesitate on the idea of whether he treats me as a friend.. From Sept 2008, he begins doing stuff like making fun of my height, pokin...
A. 7 March 2009: I think even if he does like you, he sounds like a prat! I think it would be worth finding a different date for the prom.
If he spends his time annoying you and messing about why should you wait to find out if he actually likes you. Find some one... (read in full...)
Do women actually enjoy being "fingered"?
Q. I've never really liked the word "fingering"... but is being fingered something that women actually enjoy, or is there a special way to do it other than just shoving your fingers in...? I'm just curious really... ...
A. 7 March 2009: Firstly are you honestly 22-25? Secondly when you are in a relationship and move your hand down there ask her to show you what she likes.
Every girl is different but just ramming a couple of fingers up there can be uncomfortable to say the leas... (read in full...)
He thinks my body BELONGS to him!!!!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 months says I'm his... therefore so is my body, supposedly we love each other. He says he does, his hands are always all over me, alone or not! Once we are in a private place and he wouldn't stop! I don't mind that but I do mind ...
A. 7 March 2009: Even with your reply I stand by my answer!
NO means NO! It is that simple, he has to know the boundaries, and if he continues it is SEXUAL ASSAULT.
If I'm in the mood and my wife isn't I don't push her into it because that is RAPE! It doesn't... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is 12 weeks pregnant and says she needs a break from me!
Q. My girlfriend is 12weeks pregnant, out of nowhere she tells me she needs a break from me. Just needed some advice on how to deal with this. Thanks...
A. 7 March 2009: Ahh what I like to call "CRAZY BABY BRAIN!" pregnant women do some crazy things! give her space, I'm sure she'll change her mind soon enough, just be supportive to her and I'm sure everything will be fine.... (read in full...)
If I take the pill while pregnant will it affect the unborn child?
Q. i have recently started to use the contraceptive pill so im not entirely sure if its the one for me, therefore i have the chance of being pregnant but not knowing it right now, if i carry on taking my pill and i am pregnant, will it affect the ...
A. 7 March 2009: It can cause abortion in some cases, and other problems if you continue taking it through the pregnancy it could cause harm to the baby.
My advise is to not take the pill till you have done a test. DO NOT have sex until you are back on the pill... (read in full...)
I want a relationship but am unsure if she is serious about me. What do I do?
Q. i met this girl in school and iv knowen her from year 7 and im in year 10 now and we have started to go out like with other freinds and stuff and swimming and we talk alot and if im on my own she will come and talk to me and we hold hands but thats ...
A. 7 March 2009: Ask her out! Your 14 "serious" doesn't matter yet, have fun enjoy being a teenager and stop stressing!... (read in full...)
Is going on the pill at 16 normal?
Q. ive been married to my wife for over 20 yrs. She was engaged to a guy before she met me, she also went on the pill for him at the age of 16. This is crucifying me after all these yrs. Can someone help me? Is this a normal age to go on the pill? I ...
A. 7 March 2009: At 16 it's legal and normal to be sexually active, so going on the pill is perfectly sensible, secondly the pill isn't just contraceptive it also can control all the nasties that go along with periods, mood swings, migraines, pain, heavy bleeding ... (read in full...)
She wants to end the affair, do I end the gifts?
Q. I have been having an affair with my personnel assistant (PA) for the last 3 years. I gave her preferential treatment in terms of promotion, gifts, conference trips and salary. At the start of the relationship I thought she was going with me for ...
A. 7 March 2009: Professionalism... FAIL! You can't demote her and reduce her pay because she's stopped sleeping with you, because she feels guilty as she knows what you are doing is wrong!
I think YOU need to resign over this as YOU where the one abusing your pos... (read in full...)
He thinks my body BELONGS to him!!!!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 months says I'm his... therefore so is my body, supposedly we love each other. He says he does, his hands are always all over me, alone or not! Once we are in a private place and he wouldn't stop! I don't mind that but I do mind ...
A. 7 March 2009: This is sexual assault! It doesn't matter if he's a random, your boyfriend or your husband!
Tell him not to do it again or you will go to the police! And if he does it again go to the police, this boy is a SEX OFFENDER! and has no respect ... (read in full...)
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