A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I thought I’d reach out on the net and ask for some advice or insight on this. I’m soon to be 27 and I've never really had a romantic relationship with a woman. I just don’t understand the why of it. The more I consider the question the more I question whether there really is an answer. From what I hear, I should have no problem attracting women. I've heard this from both men and women.I suppose I should tell you a little about myself for some context. I’m 5’10, weigh in around 155, and have an average build. I returned to college about two years ago after being out of the country for a while in the service. In the next few months I’ll be starting what is pretty much my dream job. I have a pretty good size group of friends from both school and home. This year is crazy busy at school, but I still have some time for hobbies. At school I mostly hang out with friends, but at home I enjoy working on random projects in the garage. I’m pretty handy with a box of tools. Overall I’m a pretty easygoing guy. I get along with most anyone and my friends seem to think I have a good sense of humor. So that’s me in a nutshell.I just don’t get why other guys I know have women throwing themselves at them while I’m never even given a thought. I have no problem talking with and interacting with women, so it’s not like I’m sitting off at a distance and not even trying. I’m not trying to make it sound like I desperately want a girlfriend, but there’s a point where you realize that there’s something missing in your life, and even though you have lots of friends there’s still that loneliness for someone special. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I seemingly have zero success in this department.I know I’ll get the inevitable “you have no success with women therefore you have no confidence” answer; or the “you’re obviously not getting out and trying enough” answer. Ok, so I think I’m a pretty great guy and have plenty of confidence in myself. I also get out all the time with friends and meet a good number of people. What’s that? Now I’m overconfident and am trying too hard? Now that we have that out of the way, does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2012): "I just don’t get why other guys I know have women throwing themselves at them while I’m never even given a thought."
Very few guys have that OP and I was never really one of those guys but I've never had problems getting women.
“you’re obviously not getting out and trying enough” Of course you will because it's true and if you are getting out and meeting people then you're obviously not romantically pursuing anyone. When's the last time you flirted with a girl and asked for her number? When's the last time you got up close and went in for a kiss?
OP if you have no issue with confidence and are meeting women then you're just not being enough of a predator in the sense that most women don't exactly gush all over a timid respectable guy, you to be a bit alpha, you have to see a girl you like and you have to be determined to get her number by the end of the conversation or night. It's not hard you just have to do it.
OP there's no such thing as "trying" either, you're either getting "no sorry, I have a boyfriend/not interested/no thanks" or you're getting "yeah that sounds nice/here's my number/I'd like that too". There's no such thing as trying, just doing. Trying is what idiotic lonely people tell themselves and others to make themselves feel better about their utter failure to do the most simple of tasks. Want a woman? Ask one out. You can even ask a woman out before even introduce yourself. I've done that plenty of times with a lot of success, if they don't think you're too forward they'll admire you having the balls to just do that.
OP if you're not getting dates or anything like that then it's because you're not doing anything about it.
I could go down to my local shop right now and find a girl to ask out. I could go to a club and find one. I could call up a friend and ask them if they know any single girls interested in a blind date. Go on to Facebook and find a girl on my friend's friends lists and send her a message. I've been rejected far more than I've had success and it doesn't bother me in the slightest because over the years and through being fearless and going for it I've honed my technique to be able to get women who don't even find me attractive or interesting.
Basically your thinking too much and not actually doing. You list all these lovely things about yourself to us but it's not us you have to impress, why aren't you showing all this stuff to a girl right and getting to know her? Why haven;t you called up a friend of yours who knows a single girl you find attractive to get them to send her your number or ask if you can have hers, or get them to set you up.
Other than all OP perhaps you're just insanely picky and your expectations may be insane. The only goal you have for now is to get a girls number so you can ask her out on a date, all other things are irrelevant until you've mastered that.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (20 October 2012):
 You sound like a great guy and you seem to have everything going for you. I have a question though: Have you asked any women out?
You cannot simply just have a girlfriend, without putting in forth the effort. Men are suppose to the chasers and men do like to chase women, they like to get the prize. Women love to be the prize you see. But what Im saying is, its not really a game. If you want a loving relationship, a genuine one, you have to actually put yourself out there. Set up a dating online profile or two and start messaging girls. ASK them out, and literally, start asking everyone out. I once read online about a guy who asked every single girl out, no pics or not and guess what? He met his wife and she had no pics and it was her first date in years and it was like his 100th date.
What Im saying is: take the risk. PUT IN THE EFFORT and you will get the rewards. Which is a great relationship with a wonderful woman. So start asking women out, whether it is online or in person. Go meet up with your friends and go out to events and start talking. And dont say youre scared of rejection. Because look, rejection or not, we all have to keep going forward.
And if you latch onto that woman, remember to be consistent, show interest and I am sure a relationship will blossom.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): You are focusing on the WRONG direction brother. Women do not define you as a man. It is WORK. As a man, true satisfaction and fulfillment in life comes from receiveing honor, recognition and reward for your achievements and accomplishments. That's why successful men always have women swarming after them. Why? Because they don't NEED them. Have a mission in life and keep yourself busy through work. Every time you achieve goals which help you realize your mission, you become confident, self possessed, focused,strong and self sufficient. These are qualities women desire. So bro, chasing women will not get you anywhere in life. This is what guys with no purpose in life do. Be a man. Have a mission and live a purposeful life through hard work. You'll be surprised how many women will come knocking on your door. Better to be in a position where you get to chose the woman you want then to try an attract one hoping they will chose you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2012): what you need is a change of hobies. You should choose hobbies where you can meet girls and go to workshops like that.... Even better... why dont you try salsa / tango classes ?
Also, I remember seeing some blind dating event deals. you sign up for one in your area :)
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