A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should i send him a happy birthday card? My ex is a complete asshole. I don't like him as a person anymore at all but for some reason i care what impression i leave him with of me. i want him to think of me as a sweet caring nice person not a cold, stuck up jaded person. his birthday is next in a few days from now. my dilema is whether i should send him a simple happy birthday email or not. if i dont i will feel like a total bitch and will feel very uncomfortable and guilty next time i see or talk to him. if i do send him an email i am afraid i will come off as neeedy and as someone who isn't able to move on and let go and he'll just ignore it/me and i will feel vulnerable for trying to be nice to an asshole. which shoulder should i listen to? LOL:) Thank you so much for taking the time to read this:)
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female
reader, pastfirst  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 You seem to need closure, so perhaps sending him a birthday card would be like a final gesture.
Just make sure you don't decide to call him.
Get on with your life. Don't waste it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2009): If you do send him a card, make sure the word 'asshole' appears in the greeting! This could cost you a lot of money over the years if you keep buying cards!
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (7 January 2009):
 I don't think you should send him anything. If he has behaved like an 'a'hole I wouldn't send him a thing. If you do in my opinion you may come across as someone a bit needy who can't manage without him etc etc, all the things you don't want to be. The only way you can demonstrate that you have moved on is not to send him a card. I can feel your anguish in your post so you obviously want to send him something so if you do just make it a basic card or text with no flowery words, or declarations of love etc.
Men don't think quite the same way as us females so the point of leaving a good memory about yourself probably wouldn't enter his psyche and the card / e-mail wouldn't have any bearing on that. What he will remember is how you behaved in the relationship and if he feels you treated him well, respected him and cared about him. If you send a card and expect in your mind no response then you have already covered that angle and you should be ok about dealing with it.
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (7 January 2009):
 So he's an "a" hole but not sure to send him a birthday card? Hmmm...?!
Send him a Happy Birthday email and call it a day. At least you don't have to physically see him if your feelings of him being an "a" hole is still there.
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