A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello so..i would ask that no one be super rude when they answer this..so im almost 18 and i met this man whose in his mid thirtys online...i know he could be a pedophile and all that 60 minute stuff...my friends arent very happy with it and i know. i havent met him yet. he and i planned that we wouldnt do ANYTHING including meet until im 18...when i do turn 18 and if he and i do things together is it still wrong? i know hes about twice my age..is it really wrong? i wanna know peoples feelings on this, but please dont be mean about it. Hes a nice guy and hes not the type to do anything that would hurt me. Would it be wrong still when im 18? Has anyone had this kind of experience? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008):
I know it's not quite the same thing, but when I was 27, I met a 17 year old girl.
I felt REALLY weird about it (I actually met her a week before she turned 17, so she was technically 16) but she persisted so much that I finally agreed to meet her.
She completely won me over, and we ended up in a relationship.
It didn't take long for the 'wrong' feeling to pass, and we stayed together for three years. The reason we split up was not anything to do with the age gap.
I know a 10 year age gap isn't quite the same as your situation, but the feeling of weirdness was certainly there. I felt the need to set rules like your guy did, but that passed quite quickly.
I'm still friends with her now, and she's now with a guy who's over twice her age. They are getting married soon, and they have a baby boy. He's a good guy, and she's very happy.
One thing that I learned from my relationship with her is that girls your age often don't find guys your age attractive. They can be pretty stupid and immature, I know I was!
I work with the public, and in an industry that is very popular with younger people, especially girls. I'm now 32, and I've been doing this job since I was 20.
I've found that the older I've got, the more teenage girls throw themselves at me. I practically have to beat them off nowadays lol!
I don't think it's fair to say that this guy is some kind of pervert just because he is attracted toan 18 year old. The law says that it is acceptable to be attracted to an 18 year old, and I agree.
There are plenty of reasons for a man to be attracted to a younger girl, and probably even more reasons not to be attracted to older ones.
I say go for it, with one caveat: This guy could be a rapist. He could be a gang of rapists. It doesn't matter so much how old he is, what does matter is that you met him on the internet, so you don't know that what he's told you is the truth.
Be careful.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionim thinking about it more...but how can you call him a pedophile when he's wanting to wait til im 18 so neither of us gets in trouble? It was his idea, not mine, i was willing to do stuff now, he wanted to wait til i was 18...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): A few months after I turned 18 years old (now i'm a few weeks away from turning 19), I went out to mess around with a 38 year old man I met online. Luckily for me, he was a decent enough guy and didn't force me to do anything I wasn't comfortable doing. Even though we were both consenting adults, I felt emotionally disturbed over this incident for a long time. I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself. Even though I had boyfriends in the past, I think that I was desprate to feel desirable again. I'm not saying your situation is anything like mine because I don't know you or this man, but I recommend you think long and hard about what you want in the long run before you make any decisions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): Hon, please don't meet with this man. Like rhythmandblues2 just said, HE IS A PREDATOR. You know all those middle-aged guys who perv on you when they think their wives aren't looking, the ones who you internally go 'yuk!' at?
Hes one of those.
And if he doesn't look like that, he's still a predator. Men of his age, who are looking for girls your age are after only one thing and it isn't a relationship. I know you think he's a lovely guy but all those girls who met men off the internet and got hurt, all thought the same things. We are both at a head strong age and think we know what's best for us and in many cases we do. But trust us all when we say this, meeting a guy in his mid thirties is never a good idea, without exception.
Guys our age seem like d***heads but their are a few nice ones and you'll meet one of them someday. Don't waste your time on this guy.
Keep safe :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): You met this guy on line and have never met him. You don't know if he is a nice guy or a serial killer, but I can tell you one thing, it is not normal for a 36 plus year old guy to want to date a little girl of 17 1/2, so yes he has issues and he may even be dangerous.
I absolutely think it would be the dumbest thing ever for you to make this official and meet this man any time place day or night. You could end up a statistic a victim of a heartless predator...and yes any man that is on the internet trolling for young girls IS A PREDATOR.
Don't tell him where you live, of course he is nice, he wants you to trust him and all it is is some words on a page that are left to your own imagination to fill in the blanks and to make him anything you want him to be.
You need to stay of the chats. Sorry if you think I am rude, but you asked for advice and you may not get to hear what you were hoping for, but the truth never lies, does it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): No, there's nothing wrong with sleeping with someone if you're both consenting adults. Age is just a number. If you have strong feelings for each other, that's all that counts. The age difference could pose challenges if it becomes a long-term relationship or marriage, but you won't know that until you have been together for a while and you will know whether you are compatible or not. Don't worry about what others think. They don't know what it's like to be you or how you feel inside. You have to live your own life and do what's right for you -- no one else can live it for you. You have to make your own decisions for yourself, and you have to live with the consequences of your actions. It is not wrong to have a sexual relationship with this man unless you feel it is wrong. And you will be able to tell if it feels right for you when the time comes.
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